Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
Women, that's why one of my favorite all time lines comes from Jack Nicholson in as good as it gets, when the receptionist asks "how he rights women so well?" and he said, "I think of a man and remove logic and accountability". I would seriously encourage your daughter to live with her mom, if that's the way she feels (which she obviously does). Why do you think she apologized? Because she knew that you knew. Would you have had the apology if you hadn't? You know the answer. Is your daughter financially dependent on you? I imagine. So there is a monetary quotient involved.
I don't know you or your relationship with your daughter. But I would be bold and get up in her grill and say this.
"I know you think I'm a douche bag right now. But let me give you a glimpse of the grown up world. Your mom cheated. You know, you read the messages. Hey it happens. One day when you grow up (a long time from now, obviously) you are most likely going to fall in love. AND if he asks to marry you (which is a chance that is getting slimmer everyday just based on society). And you give your heart and soul to this person, then one day after years of what you think is a happy marriage, you find out that your husband has cheated. As your world is coming apart and you are trying with all of your might to keep you family together, your eldest tells her sister that "You are a douche bag and are trying to keep his babies from him". If that happens, and God forbid it does, how do you think you will feel?" Then whats more. Ask her "If that does happen, exactly how would you like me to comfort you?"
Her answer may tell you more about your daughter then you want to know. If she pauses and thinks, or if she blows you off. Good luck.