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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-27-2012, 01:28 PM   #376 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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I see. Even a temporary one? How about a child care plan? You will just have to be very wary of her then, because she CAN legally take them anywhere and NOT have to give them back if there is no court order signed by a judge. Of course, do not let her know this and keep it under your hat.
Even a temporary one.

My wife won't agree to anything even when there's no way with her schooling to actually care for the kids like they need to be.

Even when they're with her, all they're doing is watching movies and eating pizza or McDonalds. Even in her own place, she has no idea how to make dinner.
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Old 02-27-2012, 02:34 PM   #377 (permalink)
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Even when they're with her, all they're doing is watching movies and eating pizza or McDonalds. Even in her own place, she has no idea how to make dinner.
Every time the kids stay with her, ask your oldest girl to tell you exactly what their mom has been feeding them and keep a written journal of it. Your lawyer can use it to cite that she is not providing nutritious meals for her children the way a responsible parent should. This would be a good ace-in-the-hole for your lawyer to use in the custody mediations.

You should keep your eye out for any opportunity to discredit this woman. No playing nice with stakes this high!
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Old 02-27-2012, 03:43 PM   #378 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Does anyone know if you can demand a psychological evaluation during a custody battle?
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Old 02-27-2012, 06:58 PM   #379 (permalink)
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Does anyone know if you can demand a psychological evaluation during a custody battle?
I'd like to know as well.

It's crazy... she's not even the same person she was four months ago.
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Old 02-28-2012, 07:41 AM   #380 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Well, looks like my wife plans to pick the kids up from school today to ensure she gets them today even though we didn't agree on that.

On top of that, it appears my 17 yr old, who saw the EA messages, has now been turned against me and told my 14 yr old that I'm just a douche bag that's trying to take the babies away from my wife. Very disappointing.
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Old 02-28-2012, 09:07 AM   #381 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

BMichael,

Try not put the kids in the middle. Yes your wife is doing it and she will keep lying to them.

In time the kids will wise up. All you can do is tell them that you love them and will always be there for them.

Believe me, once your wife cannot feed them, entertain them or gets caught out in the lies the kids will start singing a different tune.

Patience.....

This whole situation is new to the kids and you. In time this mess will get straightened out by your perseverance and your lawyer.

Keep calm and try not to let her get under your skin. That is her main goal, to piss you off!!!

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Old 02-28-2012, 09:18 AM   #382 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Ditto above, it will take awhile but your kids will find out how she really is, just be the best you for them, they will come around.
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Old 02-28-2012, 06:12 PM   #383 (permalink)
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My 17 yr old text'd me earlier to apologize for calling me a douche bag and the things she said. I told her that I knew the situation was tough for all of us and that I loved her and would be there for her no matter what.
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Old 02-28-2012, 06:21 PM   #384 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Make sure you are 100% honest with your kids. If you feel a certain way tell them. Kids are a lot smarter than we adults give them credit for. For example, if they ask why you don't want them to see their mother you can simply respond that you encourage them to see their mother but she is not in a good state of mind right now and you don't want the kids to be negatively affected. State the truth but do so in a way that doesn't disparage their mother. If you are always open and honest with them and take the high road it will work out for you and them in the end.
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Old 02-28-2012, 06:51 PM   #385 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Women, that's why one of my favorite all time lines comes from Jack Nicholson in as good as it gets, when the receptionist asks "how he rights women so well?" and he said, "I think of a man and remove logic and accountability". I would seriously encourage your daughter to live with her mom, if that's the way she feels (which she obviously does). Why do you think she apologized? Because she knew that you knew. Would you have had the apology if you hadn't? You know the answer. Is your daughter financially dependent on you? I imagine. So there is a monetary quotient involved.

I don't know you or your relationship with your daughter. But I would be bold and get up in her grill and say this.

"I know you think I'm a douche bag right now. But let me give you a glimpse of the grown up world. Your mom cheated. You know, you read the messages. Hey it happens. One day when you grow up (a long time from now, obviously) you are most likely going to fall in love. AND if he asks to marry you (which is a chance that is getting slimmer everyday just based on society). And you give your heart and soul to this person, then one day after years of what you think is a happy marriage, you find out that your husband has cheated. As your world is coming apart and you are trying with all of your might to keep you family together, your eldest tells her sister that "You are a douche bag and are trying to keep his babies from him". If that happens, and God forbid it does, how do you think you will feel?" Then whats more. Ask her "If that does happen, exactly how would you like me to comfort you?"

Her answer may tell you more about your daughter then you want to know. If she pauses and thinks, or if she blows you off. Good luck.
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:44 PM   #386 (permalink)
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:49 PM   #387 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Stop, stop, stop.

The girl is 17 years old and her family is breaking up. BMichael is under enough stress. Getting into the kids faces will not be productive. His wicked wife is doing that a plenty.

The kids need hugs, lots a hugs. They need re assurance that Dad will always be there for them no matter what happens or who they end up living with.

In time they will see the truth and they will know who pulled the family apart and who tried to keep it together. They will also learn who is selfish and who is giving to the family.

BMichael is doing the best he can for all his children. That is all that matters.

Patience......
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:55 PM   #388 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Disagree.

Hugs for the younger ones yes, but the 17 year old knows better. She has no right to dis her dad in that way. If he lets her get away with disrespecting him, what message is he sending her?

She'll end up heading down the same road as her mom: using men to get what she wants and treating them like crap. No, he needs to lovingly but firmly put her in her place and make her understand he will not tolerate being verbally abused and denegrated.
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Old 02-28-2012, 09:06 PM   #389 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

I have a 17 year old daughter in the house right now. There is a time and place for everything.

Of course she needs to be spoken to. Of course she should not dis her dad. The kid is hurting. Not only was she privy to her moms cheating but her world is being turned upside down.

She also is probably the oldest. She is getting all her siblings emotional stress as well. She is not coping very well.

They need time. I am sure when BMicahel and his daughter are together (not texting which is kids bs) they will talk and work this out. That is up to BMichael.

That is a tough age. Mom and dad splitting up. Graduating high school. Going away to college. That kid is dealing with a lot of emotions right now.

That is all I am saying. No disrespect to anyone.....
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Old 02-28-2012, 09:11 PM   #390 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

I agree. He shouldn't "get in her grille", but they do need to have that talk, and DG needs to tell her how proud he is of her and thank her for being a surrogate mom to her siblings.
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