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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-03-2012, 10:12 AM   #481 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Maybe she's looking for an invite to a weinie roast.
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Old 03-03-2012, 10:15 AM   #482 (permalink)
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Maybe she's looking for an invite to a weinie roast.
Chap,
Thanks for the laugh but I do not know if BMichael will laugh over the roast.
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Old 03-03-2012, 11:29 AM   #483 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

I laughed. For a second or so.

She texted me again asking about tomorrow.

I responded and said that I was real busy and we'd discuss it later. I plan to tell her that she's not coming over. That she decided she didn't want to be married anymore and that I'm moving on with my life.

I'm not changing my mind about primary custody of my kids no matter what. It's what's best for them and I'm not going to be swayed. Mediation is Monday at 11am.
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Old 03-03-2012, 11:33 AM   #484 (permalink)
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BMichael,
You keep looking for a clue that she wants to reconcile but you just said after she spilled her guts that she still wants the divorce.

Keep moving ahead with the attorney. Your wife is starting to see the picture of her single life.

She wants to be single with you and the kids there as her support mechanism for when she is feeling down and alone.

You cannot be her support anymore. You deserve to have a life too!

She should have been open with you months ago. She should have turned to you instead of the OM.

Do not give up on custody. You are the only unselfish parent that has 100% of the children's best interest in mind.....

Keep moving forward.

How was her apartment by the way? Was it a bachelorette pad? Was it suitable for all the kids?

How are your kids by te way?
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The apartment looked really nice. New carpet. Fresh paint.

Kids are doing good for the most part. I've had them pretty much all week and this weekend.

I have therapy on Monday before mediation and I'm setting up appointments then for two of my daughters.
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Old 03-03-2012, 01:07 PM   #485 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Good. She might not be able to cook but at least her apt. is clean.

That is also a smart idea about getting the girls into counselling.

Stick to your plan. Get custody of the kids.

I know it sucks going through this. Your wife is a different person now. Maybe the person you fell in love with will re-appear, maybe not.

Do not count on it. She obviously wants her freedom. And not just from you or the marriage. She does not want to be a full-time parent as well.

Stay the course. It will be better for you and the kids in the long run.

The only person you can count on is you!
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Old 03-03-2012, 01:28 PM   #486 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Any woman who would abandon a husband and six kids is a.....

oh, nevermind...
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Old 03-03-2012, 09:07 PM   #487 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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Any woman who would abandon a husband and six kids is a.....

oh, nevermind...
either a very disturbed woman or someone who has no heart or conscious - or both.
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Old 03-03-2012, 09:12 PM   #488 (permalink)
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either a very disturbed woman or someone who has no heart or conscious - or both.
No I had another set of adjectives in mind. My mom ran out on the family when I was six. This is a real sore spot for me.
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Old 03-03-2012, 09:14 PM   #489 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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either a very disturbed woman or someone who has no heart or conscious - or both.
Or someone that's bit off more than they can chew. Or mid life crisis. or...............
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Old 03-20-2012, 07:59 PM   #490 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

BMichael,

Are you ok buddy? I was thinking of you and your whole brood tonight so I thought I would reach out to you to make sure you are ok and hanging in there.

HM64
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Old 03-22-2012, 03:29 PM   #491 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

I’m surprised no one has mentioned this, but is it possible that her doctor friend who paid for her first month’s rent is also coming the realization that the second month’ s rent due date is quickly approaching…and this doctor is not willing to pay for it again and again? In other words….rather than any type of genuine remorse, isn’t it MORE likely that the free and fantastical ride she has been enjoying for the past month (Living the single, college graduate lifestyle…..at 33, having ABANDONED her husband and, no offense, but more shockingly, her 6 children?? How pathetic) is realistically about to end and she might be looking to manipulate you into letting her back into the house? That’s the first thing that entered my mind, at any rate.
Don’t fall for it B…..she has made her choices, it’s time to live with the consequences. Up until recently, she has still been able to see her children, has not had to pay rent, and has had full support from her toxic, enabling friends. The thing is, toxic friends thrive on the drama…not on the consequences, especially if they (the toxic friends) have to suffer as well. Having to pay for a month’s worth of rent might be exciting to a toxic friend because they get to sit back and watch all the drama…..paying for multiple months will get old, real fast, especially if that toxic friend has a spouse and/or family of their own to spend money on. Could you imagine being the husband of this doctor friend? “You want to spend ANOTHER $1,200.00 on your friend’s apartment???”. I think this is where your wife is at right now, and she is flailing around now that she’s realizing this month long vacation is about to end.
And keep smiling B….any time she gives you a sob story, just smile and say “Well, that’s what I have heard happens to women who abandon their children and spouse…it must be very inconvenient for you, poor dear!”. Then give her a very pitying look, shake your head with a sad grin, and move on.

You may also tell her, when she inevitably begs for cash or resources, that you have nothing to give because you are saving up money for the eventual therapy your kids will require. Lean in close, like you are about to tell her a saucy secret, and whisper “I didn’t want to say anything, because it’s very embarrassing and it’s quite shocking….but their mom abandoned them suddenly and it’s really affected them greatly, poor dears. So I’m saving all my extra cash to send them for therapy to repair all the damage this selfish woman has inflicted on my children”.


OKOK, that was written out of spite….but it made me feel good
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:15 AM   #492 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Been a long time since I posted. Here's an update on things:

My wife and I reconciled in mid-March last year. We decided to "date" each other for a while and see how things went. She apologized for talking to the doctor, and gave me her passwords to email, facebook, etc.

Everything was great for the first few months for the most part, including a caribbean cruise that just her and I went on. But, that's when everything went downhill. While on the cruise, she accused me of looking at another woman's butt. Her words were, "why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer." I was pissed. I wasn't looking at anyone and her tone was ridiculous. I told her I wanted an apology, which she refused. That resulted in me telling her that it wasn't true that I was looking at another woman. What was true is that she spent two months flirting and talking with another man via text and facebook behind my back, which I considered cheating. She was furious that I said that. She stormed out of our cabin and hid on the upper deck of the ship for several hours.

After returning home, things just continued to gradually go back to the way things were with her before we separated except that my anger is no longer a problem. She's changed her password to her phone and facebook and has refused to give them to me. She now says the conversations that she had with the doctor weren't wrong at all, even though she previously apologized for it. And she's sleeping upstairs in a different bedroom.

I told her that I couldn't live this way and that she needed to leave the house for good this time. She refuses. Said that I tried to keep the kids from her before and that she was never leaving again. She says she's no longer emotionally involved in our relationship and plans to keep things the way they are. All the while, she barely helps with any of the finances. She won't help pay the mortgage, utilities or groceries. She only moderating helps with the daycare, and barely helped pay for any of the kids' presents for Christmas.

At this time, if I can work out a child visitation schedule with her, I'm planning to move out of the house myself since I don't know what else to do and I can't live this way at all.
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Old 01-02-2013, 10:03 AM   #493 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

BMichael

Looks like she just found another excuse to be mad at you. Permanently.

She really sounds like she has left the marriage.

How is she with the kids?

And how do you let her get away with not kicking for her share of the household expenses?

If you do decide to move out, not only do you need to get a custody/visitation arrangement in place but a finance arrangement as well.

Never let her use your "abandonment"as an excuse against you legally.

Sorry Reconciliation did not work out.

Any idea why she feels the way she does about you and the marriage?

HM64
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Old 01-02-2013, 10:05 AM   #494 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

While on the cruise, she accused me of looking at another woman's butt. Her words were, "why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer." I was pissed. I wasn't looking at anyone and her tone was ridiculous. I told her I wanted an apology, which she refused.

Your whole family has fallen apart because the two of you turned a molehill into a mountain. Neither of you could be the bigger man and see the others point of view.

God bless your children, the two of you can't. I hope you both are ashamed of your selves.

BTW is there a husband out there that hasn't ben accused by his wife for looking at another womens a$$? Is there a mna out there that doesn't look?

You had it all going your way and threw it overboard.
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