Originally Posted by lordmayhem

Yeah, she denies anything going on with OM, yet she gets the secret affair phone.

What smart phones cost around $200 right now? One of those Motrola Droid RAZRs?

Originally Posted by bmichael

My wife is in a deep, deep fog. Trying to get her out before this EA becomes PA if it hasn't already.

Need her toxic friend gone and proof that the OM is gone. At this point, I'm not even thinking about a R

Originally Posted by lordmayhem

Then tell her to GTFO of the house. Pack her bags and drop her off at OMs or TFs house.

Originally Posted by bmichael

I can't make her leave when her name's on the deed and mortgage.

Originally Posted by lordmayhem

I know you cant really make her leave, but does SHE know that? Hell, most betrayed husbands don't know that. They just accept at face value that their WWs can kick them out and they just leave when their WW tells them to get out. We here have to tell them that the WW can't kick them out. It's a bluff.

Originally Posted by bmichael

My wife and I have been married for 16 years and have 6 beauitful children. Since the end of November, my wife had been acting very differently. Ever time I tried to ask her what was going on, it led to an argument.

I have had an anger problem most of my life where when things upset me, I yell a lot. I always calm back down and apologize and it seems like we've always moved forward from there.

I tried to ask my wife about her behavior and it resulted in another argument and she stated for the first time that she wanted a divorce. I asked her why and she said that she can't take my anger and negativity anymore and has had enough. She said none of our arguments have ever been resolved throughout our entire marriage and that she was no longer in love with me and simply viewed us as friends.

I spent a few days still trying to talk to her and everytime she rejected me and stated the same things. She insists there isn't anyone else even though all the signs are there. However, I was able to "snoop" and discovered that since the end of the November, when she began to act strangely, she has been conversing with a doctor she use to work for.

She's told him our entire marriage history, including personal things that were only between the two of us, as well as personal information about herself. She also stated that she really likes him a lot and she's been texting and emailing him every night, even when myself and my children have been in the same room. I told her that I knew there was someone else in the picture without exposing exact details and she still denied there was anyone else.

Ever after all of this, I still don't want a divorce and would prefer to work things out. I guess I'm unsure of how to proceed? Should I tell her the exact details I know and see how she responds? 180? She wants a separation and plans to move out, but hasn't done anything yet. She keeps saying she's waiting to talk to a lawyer. I've already consulted one as well as attended IC. We have MC set up but she told me she only agreed because she thought it would help me.

Originally Posted by Bodhitree

Hi BMichael:

I had very similar circumstance in October. My spouse said she had reached the conclusion that after 22 years and rearing our children that we were no longer good for each other. She became involved with a coworker (male) that I believe was offering her "advice" on the situation -he'd been through three divorces. Things like this defy rational explanation. I have felt extreme sadness and depression because of her actions. HOWEVER- the key point is that you need to take a look at your anger. It is amazing how anger destroys. Maybe the hardest part of an EA or even PA is that while we are the wronged party, we still need to look at ourselves. This is not to say the the EA is our fault- IT ISN'T!! Dealing with your anger will only help you. Whether you do separate with your wife or not, it will only make you a better person. I recently realized that letting go was the key. I have to let her go to take her course of life and that forgiveness is important. These are difficult tasks given the emotions involved in an EA. I would also suggest MC. Most likely your wife still loves you. She will need to make changes as well if you are to stay together. I know this is difficult, because truth is, things may not work out. Letting go is the key, but you may not be at that point for a while. May I suggest the book "Anger" by Thich Nat Hanh. It is a buddhist approach to "cooling the flames" of anger that has helped me immensely during this time. God bless.

Originally Posted by warlock07

Well, the only question remaining now is whether it is/was a PA

Originally Posted by warlock07

Have you confronted her?

Originally Posted by bmichael

From all the messages I've seen, it doesn't look like it went to that level. I'm so mad right now. I wish I could toss her out of the house on her butt!!!

Originally Posted by hookares

If they were planning a trip to "notellville" it's likely that you really haven't delved into their actions far enough to tell
what level the illicit affair has gone.
One way to tell is if you two have been having any physical contact since your wife has indicated she no longer wishes to be with you. If not, it's likely she's getting it elsewhere. Nobody bothers to start a new relationship based on no sexual contact.
I hope you get whatever you want out of what is left of your marriage, but from what you have revealed, it would appear that you will be starting over and it will be without her.