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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 01-13-2012, 07:13 AM   #91 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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Originally Posted by Initfortheduration View Post
You can't base your decision on her response. You have a job and can support your kids. F the money in you bank account. Tell her to use it to get an apartment. I can guarantee your daughter will never look at her mother same after this.
I'm a little concerned about showing my daughter the messages that my wife might try to pursue legal action against me. I hate to admit it, but the reason I saw the messages is because I was able to access her email account. I have the password and my wife doesn't realize it. She thinks I hacked her secure laptop and got into her facebook.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:16 AM   #92 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

I'd say almost all waywards flip out like this when they get exposed. It's typical and to be expected. And honestly, what is she going to tell her lawyer?- "He told our children the truth!!" Empty threats. She's in a downward spiral now that her secret is out and being made public.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:21 AM   #93 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Family computer? if so whats the legal action, it popped up when you logged on, you didnt hack anything...computer clitch, happens all the time....She is just trying to play you with the legal action to get you to back off...DONT, stand your ground, be strong, she wants out, help her pack....

as for her yelling in front of the kids causing a scene, ask her what her and your atty would think of that.....

Stay calm, dont yell, just the facts mam...
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:46 AM   #94 (permalink)
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I'm a little concerned about showing my daughter the messages that my wife might try to pursue legal action against me. I hate to admit it, but the reason I saw the messages is because I was able to access her email account. I have the password and my wife doesn't realize it. She thinks I hacked her secure laptop and got into her facebook.
Dont be concerned , her reaction is normal for a wayward who has been exposed. While your at it let her parents know as well. Waywards spew many things , if she tries to threaten you smile and say that your sure the OM has no problem being called to court to testify against her or having his private and company email suphoenad. The last thing she will want is a public court case that confirms her adultery and likely a mention in the local newspaper .

She is trying to intimidate you , her worst fear is further exposure so her threats will flow freely . Stand firm .
Learn to be quiet , you owe her no explanations . Cancel the councilling it's a waste of time at this moment.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:50 AM   #95 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

If she is going to act like that get a Var to record her cursing and yelling.

She is just acting out because her fantasy is no longer a fantasty but brutal reality. She will no doubt calm down. Showing weaknesss howeever, will result in some serious contempt. If you read the threads on here the sucessful reconcilliations all happen because the loyal spouse(LS) stands their ground and stands up for themselves and their family.

have you been reading here:

The Man Up and Nice Guy Reference

Manning up also means controlling anger. Anger shows weakness.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:54 AM   #96 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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Originally Posted by Eli-Zor View Post
Dont be concerned , her reaction is normal for a wayward who has been exposed. While your at it let her parents know as well. Waywards spew many things , if she tries to threaten you smile and say that your sure the OM has no problem being called to court to testify against her or having his private and company email suphoenad. The last thing she will want is a public court case that confirms her adultery and likely a mention in the local newspaper .

She is trying to intimidate you , her worst fear is further exposure so her threats will flow freely . Stand firm .
Learn to be quiet , you owe her no explanations . Cancel the councilling it's a waste of time at this moment.
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Very true,if she is still in contact with the POSOM there is no reason for marriage counseling, she will just use it against you. Disinvite her and be sure to tell her why.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:58 AM   #97 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...



Marriage counselling is for when the couple is in R and both of them are 100% committed to fixing the marriage. It's useless while the affair is still ongoing because the WS is still in the fog. Cancel the MC for now, she will only use it to validate her foggy thinking and use it against you.
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:27 AM   #98 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Thanks for the advice. Definitely disinviting her from the counseling.

I went to log into her email to get copies of the messages since I hadn't done that before now out of fear of the ramifications and it seems she's changed the password.
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:29 AM   #99 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Install the keylogger now! I really wished you had saved those emails yesterday. This is why you can't be in fear.
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:34 AM   #100 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Alright, there may be a chance that you can retrieve it through the web browsers. These are the programs that I used to get the password to the wifes secret facebook account after DDay. This is before I looked on the net about keyloggers, etc. You can download these off the interwebs. Google these.

WebBrowserPassView - Works for Internet Explorer, Firefox, and Google Chrome

FirePasswordViewer - Firefox only
IEPasswordDecryptor - Internet Explorer only
OperaPasswordDecryptor - Opera browsers
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:41 AM   #101 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

BMichael,

If you really want to R then you have to man up. You are getting great advice here.

Install the keylogger right away. It is your pc too!
You keep the emails you have printed, if you don't have any of them you better get them for the future.

Bring her to counselling. Let her blast away. Then when it is your turn you bring up the emails, the private marriage info she shared with the OM and the Vegas trip. Man up!!!

Lastly, get a VAR. Record her outbursts in the car, in your home and in front of your kids. Get a copy of the hurtdul FB messages too!

Out her nonsense to the entire family. Do not let her lie about you of the marriage.

Keep working on you too!

Good Luck....
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:43 AM   #102 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

well, i may be really screwed here.

it's web email that she only accesses through her secure laptop and itouch from her school, and I don't have access to it at all. and now she's changed the password leaving me without any proof or anyway of getting any proof.

All I have is my word and the word of my daughter whom I showed the messages to yesterday.
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:51 AM   #103 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Now you've learned the hard way. This is what happens when you confront too early and without securing your proof. Live and learn. Get the VAR today then. Here's some examples:

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Philips+...&skuId=2596305

Walmart.com: Sony ICD-BX8112 Digital Flash Voice Recorder: iPods & MP3 Players

Do it now before she empties out the account. You need to be proactive here.
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:59 AM   #104 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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Now you've learned the hard way. This is what happens when you confront too early and without securing your proof. Live and learn. Get the VAR today then. Here's some examples:

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Philips+...&skuId=2596305

Walmart.com: Sony ICD-BX8112 Digital Flash Voice Recorder: iPods & MP3 Players

Do it now before she empties out the account. You need to be proactive here.
Maybe I confronted too early but I was really trying to protect myself by not securing the evidence and it has definitely back fired.

I already have a VAR. I guess I just need to put it in her car or something. I do have the OM's cellphone number.
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Old 01-13-2012, 09:12 AM   #105 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

get a 2nd one to keep on your person for when she has fits or in case she decides to falsely accuse you something
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