New here - My EA and confused love story

Havesomethingtosay · 02-26-2012, 09:40 AM

Read a few posts and the last ones and I see it pretty simply..... You have no kids, both have careers and you have never really been invested and she is not particularly happy either.

So who cares if there is an EA or not (people will chastise me for that again). Time to separate and go your own way. If you want to try counseling (IC & MC), go ahead. You may need it more (the IC) to understand why you have felt this way and been so dispassionate for years (ie. using porn to get in the mood).

Maybe it is the OW that is the love of your life. Maybe not. In any case don't stretch this out. Take the blame and leave.

sigma1299 · 02-26-2012, 03:57 PM

Yeah you should have mentioned it - no surprise it's still not going well - you're still not being honest with her.

If you're not willing to step up, be honest and try to rebuild just save both of you several months of limbo and pain and go ahead and bail out. If it's dead have the courage to shoot it and put it out of its misery, don't just stand their and watch it bleed out.

wolfman · 03-02-2012, 05:13 AM

so, just a real quick update from me...since our first couple of days of talking, there has been ZERO mention of anything! I think she is in denial, but it's like no one wants to address the elephant in the room. ALL physical contact has stopped, no ILYs anymore, but yet she's super friendly and cordial - not cold, yet also not addressing anything. Is she just in denial? If anything we have become MORE like roomates than ever before - to me it speaks volumes that neither of us are making any effort at all to fix things. It's as if we're both just uninterested in fixing things...I don't know, I guess I thought there would be some more fight on her end after things were out in the open...maybe she is just having a hard time dealing. I can tell you that in my head, I have basically checked out...I guess at some point soon I'm going to have to let her know that - trying to give her time to adjust. Thanks for listening..

sigma1299 · 03-02-2012, 07:15 AM

Sounds like she might be running the 180 on you??

wolfman · 03-02-2012, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sigma1299

Sounds like she might be running the 180 on you??

But she's "friendly" though? I guess I need to read up on the 180, I don't totally understand it. All I know is, if that's her strategy..it's not working for me. Seems to me like it's just a means to accelerate the end.