For sometime past, I was wondering how to go about discovering affairs and obtaining evidence etc.
From most of the posts in CWI (understandable that CWI is for those who are already affected by infidelity), it appears to me that the BS found it by a gut feeling or just by an accidental discovery or by a voluntary disclosure by WS.
I think that it will be useful, as there are many visitors seeking ways to find out if there is an affair or not, if experiences are shared. This will save considerable efforts.
With my ex-
-I found a missed call on his phone that he left in the room.
-I checked out all the phone numbers on his phone that I stupidly ignored all along. I found HER home number disguised under "H.R." (human resources), which I never thought was odd because his job required him to speak to that dept alot. Here her number was right under my nose, all along.
-I found phone details online after figuring out I could create an online account with our phone company (as long as I had HIS phone with me to get the password, which I did, in the middle of the night, while he was sleeping)
I was up late because something had been in our chicken pin. The office is in sight of the pin so I sat down there to keep watch rather than remain outside in the cold( way below freezing). The computer had been left on to his site, and his e-mail was open on the screen when I nudged the mouse . There was an e-mail from a woman I had never heard of. I opened it, and it was a chain of e-mails. I read them, and they were filled with things that seemed just a little too cutesy and intimate, and some things that seemed to have double meanings, which indicated a sexual relationship. One had a phrase in Russian, to which he replied " and I you". I immediately translated it. It was " I love You" in Russian. I confronted him as soon as I got my breath back, and, of course he claimed that it was only a "flirtation" that had gotten out of hand and that nothing physical had happened between them.Same ol bs that they usually spout when first confronted.
Mine was very devious. I found a song that he had sent to OW (met on FB from high school) and he stated that it was part of a thread, but I saw she was the only one on the thread.
He bought a diamond bracelet, then earrings, then pendant, bought two custom chairs, and in Feb of 2011 built a greenhouse for me.
I think this was all to keep me trusting because he wanted this fling and still keep me.
Well I divorced him, (when he wouldn't do MC) and wouldn't stop, it blew up in his face. The anger on his face was incredible, he was actually foaming at the mouth, screaming he loved me, he hates me.
So here I am among good and bad days still saying WTF was that all about.
I was using my husbands computer because mine wasn't working. On Saturday March 13 2010 I sat down to check my email while he was in the shower and he had left yahoo chat open. I hadn't really been suspicious up to this point, although looking back I could have been (was reluctant to give me his computer password, spent unaccounted time away from home, stuff he always managed to explain away). Anyway, I saw names like sexy_jhanna and hot_wendy so I snooped and managed to get into his email. He had deleted everything but forgotten his sent items. I found logs of chats between him and this jhanna, I found a picture of his erect penis he had emailed someone, and I found several emails detailing how he had tried to get back $1400.00 he had been scammed out of by an asian sex escort agency.
I forwarded many of the emails to myself then managed to hack into the email and changed his password on him. I then told him to get the he!! OUT. He didn't leave immediately but that evening when the kids were out of the house I let him have it. He admitted to trying to meet up with the 'model' in December, as well as a few other things I didn't have evidence of. He also had a secret cell phone.
He packed a bag and left that evening. He was back the next day and I refused to talk to him, then we didn't see each other face to face for three months. We entered marriage counseling and both got IC as well and decided to reconcile, and still are. We hit a rather large bump in Nov 2010 when he told me about hiring a hooker for a blow job while we were separated, but other than that things have been progressing well. He is also in a 12 step program for sex addicts.
D-day 1 I found bbm's on her phone. D-day 2 I got a call from work from the OMW who had spent a week trying to track me down after her d-day. My fWW had kissed me, told me she loved me as I left in the morning and 3 hours later I was driving to her office to confront her. My advice is trust your gut. I knew something was wrong but I never thought my wife would have a PA. Posted via Mobile Device
My wife left the house for a business lunch on a Friday. I was at home working on my laptop. I heard her office phone ring so I thought I would answer and take a message for her. While I was doing that I noticed her FB account up and found that a chat that she left open with the POSM. I looked at her messages and found a whole string of emails that included love notes, arranged hotel meetings and sex chat. I then went into her business email account that was up and found more than I ever wanted to read or see. She also hid his contact info in with her business accounts, Ben Harder!
Then when she came home I confronted her and I did get the trickle truth and then checked her phone and found the nude pictures she had sent. It was like a knife repeatedly stabbed into my gut. Over the next three months I found no less than 4 email accounts and then she had reward points set up on hotel accounts. The reward accounts was big, I reset her password and then I was able to get whole lists of dates they met. The next thing was finding out that we were paying for a cell phone for this guy. During that three months she was still emailing and texting him.
My WW had a long-term friendship with a man she knew since college who never got married. I had two previous scares with him that turned out to be nothing (legitimately), but I always had my antennae up when it came to them.
I went into my wife's email to check RSVPs to my birthday party and there was an exchange from them in there plain as day. She was careless. I was out of state away from home when I saw it.
Basically their interactions were just barely on the right side of "the line" for a long time, and then they finally crossed it. The email was very clearly over the line, but also confirmation nothing physical had happened. It was 2 weeks old when I saw it. I confronted immediately and they ended their relationship.
my gut was screaming at me way too loudly for way too long (see my user name here which was created before I had proof but knew something was very wrong. This was after enduring 2 years of heavy gaslighting... ) Give you a hint my user name was created when I found this place... USER NAME: Pit of my Stomach... PASSWORD (was): shescheating
Compelled, I found this place. Came here, read about how common these things she was doing were.... Educated myself on what was happening, would not put my head back up my a$$. Pressed, did all the things recommended technically to find the proof I needed. Kept pressing. Broke it wide open.... Tried to save what couldnt be saved through a long incredibly painful process.... Put away the denial, became a better man and better father.... Divorced. Still sorting through the rubble now...
Acted distant, suddenly wasn't available for lunch (we all worked in the same building)... OM started trying to befriend me suddenly... sex life decreased... she started changing her sleeping habits to go to sleep at 8:00 pm so she could wake up and "not be disturbed" on her computer at 1:00 am... suddenly started going out with no warning with her toxic (then) best friend... etc.
I never understood the OM trying to be the husband's friend thing. Can someone explain that one? If I were an OM, I would want to avoid the H at all costs.
I first got that ever-so-surprising "I love you but I'm not in love with you" talk.
It was this exact phrase I put into the search engine in hopes to find some idea of what was going on with my wife.
After seeing a few videos about midlife crisis, one particular entry somewhere in the vast beyond mentioned checking the cell phone records.
It was upon doing so, that I found over 100+ texts, calls, and messages to one single number.
So it was the cell phone records, which made me see someone else was in the picture.
Soon after, the cellphone bill between a husband and his wife (her and I), was divided into two seperate plans one for her and one for me. Do you care to know why?
Both my husband's EAs were discovered accidently. The first I discovered when my husband got a text message while we were sitting next to each other at a wedding reception. My hand was on his leg, the phone was in his pocket, I felt it vibrate, he took the phone out to read the text, and it was the OW. The second EA was discovered when I picked up my husbands cell phone to check the time, but he left his email account open on the phone. When I 'woke' the phone up, it opened up to an email from the OW.
I never understood the OM trying to be the husband's friend thing. Can someone explain that one? If I were an OM, I would want to avoid the H at all costs.
I took it in the vein of "Oh, look, we're all pals, so nothing is the matter" kind of preemptive damge control.
I first got that ever-so-surprising "I love you but I'm not in love with you" talk.
It was this exact phrase I put into the search engine in hopes to find some idea of what was going on with my wife.
After seeing a few videos about midlife crisis, one particular entry somewhere in the vast beyond mentioned checking the cell phone records.
It was upon doing so, that I found over 100+ texts, calls, and messages to one single number.
So it was the cell phone records, which made me see someone else was in the picture.
Soon after, the cellphone bill between a husband and his wife (her and I), was divided into two seperate plans one for her and one for me. Do you care to know why?
I also got the ".......in love with you but not" speech. Sounds like everyone does. I googled
It also. First thing that I found was that it a red flag of cheating.....but the woman I married would NEVER cheat. Posted via Mobile Device
Can BS put their experiences together? 
