1 heart, a billion pieces
I've been married for 18 years and just found out my wife has been having an affair with a co-worker for 8 - 10 month (as I put more together is gets longer and longer) Full blown affair, love sex everything. She did this to me before about 5 years ago. However she swears there was no sex. She admitted to kissing on the beach after my relentless pursuit of the whole truth. I know she was lying. If she would do it now why not then? Plus like another member said, sorry forgot their handle :/, "I hate to tell you, she was having sex, snuggeling? what is she is middle school?" just add kissing. I have also caught her in the past chatting online in an inappropriate way with men. So this is strike three! Or a walk of grand slam. I don't think I can do this anymore with her. To make matters worse she sits at the same exact table as this guy and was texting him weeks after she told me she broke all contact with him. To help justify the affair she kicked me out of the house 6 months ago. We have had our problems in the past, I was not perfect but like any strong couple we kept plowing through. I knew nothing of the affair at that time however I was catching on to something going on and questions her "we are only friends" she said. The kiss of death. She said she has been married since she was 18 and needed a "break". I warned her many times that just because we are separated we are still married. I'm a fool and I cried for her almost every night when I was away. I find out about it and now she loves me again and want to try and work things out. Then she wants me out of her life again saying I was feeling guilty so I wanted you back but now I'm sure I want you out of my life. Now two weeks ago she loves me more than anything in the world and wants to work on things? I'm not so sure I do anymore. I do love her with all my heart and sole but I can't waste another year. I have two boys, 14 and 17, I don't want them to get hurt by this :/ I'm 38 and have been married since I was 19. I feel I may have missed out on things but have been in love and dedicated to my wife always knowing that is better than the single life. Being 38 now I feel it is going to be impossible to find a loving great girl to be with. I have no idea how to talk to woman and be assertive enough to get them interested in me. I never had too so of course I didn't. My wife is very attractive and for some stupid reason that is one of my reasons for maybe trying to work it out. I know, stupid but these are feelings and I cant ignore them. There is also the comfort factor. It's easier to stay. When I was away I wanted more than anything in the world to back with her. Now she wants me back and to work things out and I am leaning towards no. I can't get hurt again, heartache is the worst pain in the world. I'm on a crazy emotional roller coster and I just want it to stop one way or the other. Please help, I have no one to talk to about this and any advice would be awesome!