lostlindsey

is that even possible?

Pit-of-my-stomach

anything is possible i guess, probablity is more important.

not enough info to give thoughtful probability or response.

did he say he had a pron issue, and decided to quit looking at porn and have his needs met via emotional affair?

Complexity

It's quite a step from an EA to a physical affair.

Either investigate more or have him take a polygraph if you're determined and he's willing to show his honesty.

CandieGirl

Maybe an "I'll show her" type of thing? Was porn a problem in your marriage?

I don't know...hard to say without any details, but anything is possible...

NextTimeAround

Have you expressed concern about his porn watching habits before? Whether you did or not, outline, what you were aware of. And then what you know about his switch from porn to the current EA.

Hope1964

Do you mean, is it possible he never had extra marital sex, or that the EA was to fill some need other than sex?

My hubby claims his EA's were to fulfill a need for intimacy, not sex, and that the sex was like an extra he was hoping to get.

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lostlindsey

ok i've posted a few times so hopefully this doesn't seem repetitive to some. but our marriage was good. we were and still are close. we definitely had more fights lately mainly my fault b/c i just can't forgive. porn was never an issue. he's a tat artist and got bored at the shop so he clicked on a link from a forward. he says for the next few weeks he would look when he was bored but it always disgusted him so when he met a customer that reminded him of someone from highschool he started texting her instead. this wouldn't have been a problem with me if he had not hid it- but he did because it was a private thing and it was exciting but he says never sexual. he texted her many times anytime of day ignored my texts for hers ignored my pics for hers but it was never sexual. does that make sense? i know it never became physical b/c if he wasn't with me he was texting her. plus we are still sexually active and that never changed. he just all the sudden got too busy to keep in touch when he wasn't home but otherwise everything was the same so i didn't think anything of it. didn't wanna be a nag. he had recently required a harley and i thought maybe he was trying to be a bad boy? idk other than it really sucks here on my end.

Hope1964

Does he have brown eyes? I ask because he is full of ****. It may have never gone physical - there may not have even been sexting, just texting, but the ultimate reason for texting another woman and hiding it from your wife is for sex. He may even believe himself, but if it had gone on, sex would have resulted.

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Curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want ~ Spock
FOR CWI NEWBIES
~My story~
Understanding the Pain - required reading for WS's
Help for sex addicts and their spouse

lostlindsey

Blue as the friggin sky. Go figure. He's a shy sweet guy who even after 10 yrs together I never would've expected this from. Everyone always thought if our marriage didn't work it would be b/c of me. And I knew I wasn't gonna do anything. So I honestly thought we were solid.
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Dadof3

concept extract from married mans sex life primer:

Women tend to be hypergamous (one partner at a time, next one hopefully better than the prior), men tend to be polygamous, or capable of maintaining multiple sexual partners.

Conceptualize with a grain of salt.

lostlindsey

Easier said than done. (The grain of salt thing)
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Hope1964

My husband was the poster boy for loyal, true and all that stuff. Never in a trillion years would I, or everyone who knows what he did, have EVER thought he was capable of what he did.

__________________
Curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want ~ Spock
FOR CWI NEWBIES
~My story~
Understanding the Pain - required reading for WS's
Help for sex addicts and their spouse

Pit-of-my-stomach

BWAAAAAAAA!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

I gotta write that one down, that worked?

ROFLMAO!!!.

lostlindsey

I should mention that he is completely computer illiterate so i do believe that is how he found the porn. do i believe that he traded it in for an EA? No, but he stopped as soon as i found out. no questions asked. well not from him anyway. hehe. we have kids together and I just wanna get over it. wish it was that easy. the fact that pics were sent makes it pretty obvious. he says that a majority of them were pics of wings but seeing as the two i saw were of her i find it hard to believe. when i asked why she sent him pics he said that she had said something about getting dolled up and he would ask for a pic. is that sexual or just flirtatious? because that really does make a difference to me. we are both flirtatious ppl but we've always done it in the open that way everyone knew it was all in good fun. and by flirty i mean if my friend came by to visit he would say something like "hey there pretty lady" right in front of me and i would act similarly with his friends. but it was always in front of each other. nothing out of hand.

Pit-of-my-stomach

Im sorry, Im having trouble swallowing any of this.

It's 2012. Your both young people, in his line of work the best resource for viewing and aquiring tattoo templates is the internet. If he is passionate about is work, there is zero chance he is completely computer illiterate... zero.

You also mentioned that he is painfully shy, yet you also say he is very flirtatious?. Assuming that picture in your profile is you, this man is married to an attractive women. By default, Im forced to assume he is not a wreched ogre and is also a reasonably attractive person. In his line of work, the general profile of the types of people that get alot of work done has to be younger people, 18-35?, Maybe the type that parties a bit, some maybe excentric? certainly they (like most of the planet under 50+ years old) communicate primarily using technology (internet, email, text, etc)? Your painting him as a shy wall flower who lives in a cave?

Don't take this wrong...

I'm just trying to get my arms around some of this and none of what your saying rings true on my planet. Including what he said about why and what happened, sorta sounds absurd?.

I just don't know. Something is just not right about this whole picture.

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