Wife probably sexting.. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 07:20 PM Thread Starter
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Wife probably sexting..

Almost 4 years ago i cought my wife sexting a coworker. I confronted her pretty early with this after having a suspicion for a few weeks. Found out by checking her phone and installing spyware. I never told how i caught her. Anyway.. She did everything i asked after this, and we have both agreed to be 100% open from that point on and also to work and have focus on the relationship. Everything has been going real well so far. She says she loves me daily. And seems to be content with our lovelife, our 2 kids and everything.

In the meanwhile:
After the first incident i installed a hidden cam in the bedroom. Maybee it was paranoia or curiosity taking hold of me but i could not help myself but installing this for a safety net as to know what my wife was up to.

I havent been checking the cam for a while, but i did now. And when i was away for a day i checked. She was taking naked pics of herself. I recieved none of theese pics so im guessing it was for someone else by snapchat.

Question is: should or can i confront?

I feel bad enough for having the cam up still. I almost certain i will wait to see how this plays out without telling about the hidden cam. At the same time i also wish to give her privacy.

Thanx for reading this. Im sure im leaving out details but i had to vent this out quickly.


Last edited by justanotherguy80; 05-14-2017 at 08:46 AM.
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post #2 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 07:35 PM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Once she broke your trust, you earned the right to keep an eye on her. Sounds like she's up to her old tricks. If you can get a higher-resolution camera or install it closer to where she uses her phone, maybe you can record her entering her PIN/password, or at least verify that she's sending images. Some people have successfully put a camera in a light fixture. I don't know how Snapchat works. I know that messages and photos get destroyed, but you could at least get to her contact list and try to message some of the guys. "Remember those photos I sent? Which was your favorite?"

Once you have adequate evidence, I think you should file for divorce this time around. Obviously your confrontation 4 years ago had little effect on her. Divorce would send a strong signal and could be stopped at any point if she showed sufficient remorse and got herself some therapy.

NEVER reveal your intelligence sources. Just tell her that you KNOW what's been going on and ignore her questions about how you know.
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post #3 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 07:57 PM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Agree. Its a little too early to show your hand. I know you hope to squelch it early on but you need to let her get a little further out on the limb. The harder the fall the better the lesson.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #4 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 08:16 PM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Get irrefutable, powerful , unspinnablevevidence before confronting. Serve her with divorce papers and evidence in an envelope at the same time.

I think you should divorce her, but at the very least you should scare the hell out of her.

I doubt it ever will stop. As soon as she gets comfortable she'll be at it again.

Btw, I'll bet 5$ that she will say she was only taking the pictures to see how she looked naked since she's been trying to lose weight, and nobody ever saw them but her--- or some other equally ludicrous story.

Need hard proof for a serial cheater, bro. Must be undeniable.
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post #5 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 08:36 PM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Rule #1 is never ever reveal your source of information. So you cannot confront meaningfully yet.

Rule #2 is don't confront until you have iron clad proof. She'll just spin and deny (also called Gas Lighting).

But here's the thing, you don't have to prove anything to her. If you know she is cheating or has broken the terms of an agreement, you are fully within your rights to divorce her without any further ado.

Are you looking to divorce her if she is indeed sexting? Or are you looking to stay married if you can get her to stop this behavior? If it is the latter, you do need iron clad proof so you can impress upon her that you have no doubts about what she is doing. If it is the former, you need to gather intel to your satisfaction of what she is doing.

If she is taking photos they may still be on her phone, even if deleted. One option is for you to run a recovery program on her phone (or the backup on her computer) to see what photos or text messages may have been deleted. Simply looking at her photos on her phone might find the photos, too.

Your phone bill may show who she is texting the photos to if she is sending them as regular text messages rather than within a Snapchat type of app.

You could put a camera, well hidden, at an angle which captures what she is doing after she takes the photo. For example, is she just looking at it or is she typing stuff in (as in putting words to go with the picture in a message to someone).

A VAR in her car may well capture phone conversations she's having with men she is sending the photos to.

Don't say anything to her until you have gathered all the evidence you are able to.
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post #6 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 08:42 PM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

If I have to do all that investigation I don't want it

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post #7 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 08:57 PM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Get your hands on her phone AND the phone bill prior to confronting, and say NOTHING to her about the camera.

She still working with the guy she was sexting 4 years ago?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #8 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 12:40 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Shes not working with him (coworker) anymore and she still has some contact with the guy. Shes actually open about this, but not has to how. I know its snapchat because i have pincode and youre always able to see last recipiants.

I think i will just sit tight for a while to see if this is a reoccouring thing and find some way to discreetly gather evidence (if there is any). I guess easiest and fastest way would ne to hack phone and snapchat somehow. Not sure if this even exists.

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post #9 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 12:55 AM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Look into an app called Womdershare Dr. Fone, especially if she uses an iPhone.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #10 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 02:47 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Shes using a sony xperia (android). Looks like i somehow have to root the phone to be able to do this.

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post #11 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 03:02 AM
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Cool Re: Wife probably sexting..

Your getting closer and closer to having the irrefutable evidence that you'll need to confront!

Until then, do nothing and say nothing ~ as having that information at hand will ultimately strengthen your hand of cards in the confrontation as well as in the divorce-filing process!

Once that you've attained the sufficient evidence, then would be the time to schedule a visit with a good family attorney to have them fully explore your all of your legal options!

At the same time would be in your best interests to embrace "the 180," which you can find numerous links for here on TAM!

Best of luck to you, my friend! Welcome to TAM ~ sorry to see you here, but you've come to the best possible place for help and advice!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 05-14-2017 at 06:04 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #12 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 04:04 AM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Get a VAR hidden in the bedroom.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #13 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 07:39 AM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Quote:
Originally Posted by justanotherguy80 View Post
Shes not working with him (coworker) anymore and she still has some contact with the guy. Shes actually open about this, but not has to how. I know its snapchat because i have pincode and youre always able to see last recipiants.

I think i will just sit tight for a while to see if this is a reoccouring thing and find some way to discreetly gather evidence (if there is any). I guess easiest and fastest way would ne to hack phone and snapchat somehow. Not sure if this even exists.
Also, no contact -- as in for any reason, EVER again -- should've been rule #1 for reconciliation.

This should have been 111.11% non-negotiable.

Also, ephemeral messaging of any kind should have been off limits.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."

Last edited by GusPolinski; 05-15-2017 at 09:45 AM.
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post #14 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 08:12 AM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Quote:
Originally Posted by justanotherguy80 View Post
Shes using a sony xperia (android). Looks like i somehow have to root the phone to be able to do this.
That's going to be the case with pretty much any Android device.

Do you have her screen lock code, Google Play ID and password, email and social media passwords, etc?

Does she have two-factor authentication enabled on any of her accounts?

Also, what kind of phone do you use?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."

Last edited by GusPolinski; 05-14-2017 at 08:16 AM.
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post #15 of 116 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 08:39 AM
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Re: Wife probably sexting..

Quote:
Originally Posted by justanotherguy80 View Post
Almost 4 years ago i cought my wife sexting a coworker. I confronted her pretty early with this after having a suspicion for a few weeks. Founs out nt checking her phone. She did everything i asked after this, and we have both agreed to be 100% open from that point on and also to work and have focus on the relationship. Everything has been going real well so far. She says she loves me daily. And seems to be content with our lovelife, our 2 kids and everything.

In the meanwhile:
After the first incident i installed a hidden cam in the bedroom. Maybee it was paranoia or curiosity taking hold of me but i could not help myself but installing this for a safety net as to know what my wife was up to.

I havent been checking the cam for a while, but i did now. And when i was away for a day i checked. She was taking naked pics of herself. I recieved none of theese pics so im guessing it was for someone else by snapchat.

Question is: should or can i confront?

I feel bad enough for having the cam up still. I almost certain i will wait to see how this plays out without telling about the hidden cam. At the same time i also wish to give her privacy.

Thanx for reading this. Im sure im leaving out details but i had to vent this out quickly.

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Just Another Guy,

I am sorry but I will never understand this theory of sitting and letting something like this go on with a woman who has done this before, in order to gather "evidence". Evidence for what??? Are you in a state where infidelity can help you avoid financial ramifications in a divorce???? If not, what more evidence do you need.

You wife has cheated before, she is taking naked pictures of herself obviously not intended for your consumption, and I'm sure you will get the age old explanation that she was taking them to see how she looked and that they really were for you and that she hadn't gotten around to sending them. And you feel guilty for snooping, which proves she knows what she is doing and you are still in denial unless you think she has the right to sext with other men as a marital right.

Now, you can bet your 401K she is already involved with another man and now as she uses an app very difficult to trace you are going to spend weeks "gathering" evidence. Bigger question is what are you going to do with this evidence when you get it??? Youre not in a court of law so what is your game plan??? You going to beg her to stop???

It is mind boggling to me how many men just let all this happen right in front of them because they want to go step by step. You want to find out what is going on.

Sit her ass down and tell her you have scheduled a polygraph test because you believe ( and none of her business why you believe this) that she is sexting other men again. my bet is she will turn as white as Casper The Ghost and vehemently refuse this, which will tell you more than gathering will do. now you will most likely reject this so I think you better start to figure out what you are going to do when you get your Columbo certificate and find out she is either sexting or physically cheating on you.

Yes she will gaslight you and deny. You really want to believe her????
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