I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
OP, you will get a lot of opinions.
I'll add one more. Don't tell him - but you need to make sure that never happens again. I suggest a rule for yourself that you never drink unless you are with your husband. Never - for the rest of your life. I think if you hadn't been drinking, you wouldn't have done this.



Its not so hard, for reasons of my own, I never drink alcohol.
I don't think the OP is capable of holding this in. I get this from a few posts OP has posted. In fact, I get the real sense that once H comes through the door from his trip the confession will start immediately.


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post #77 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:00 AM
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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Originally Posted by Yeswecan View Post
I don't think the OP is capable of holding this in. I get this from a few posts OP has posted. In fact, I get the real sense that once H comes through the door from his trip the confession will start immediately.
One can only hope.
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post #78 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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I can. Shame them into accepting it if they won't. "If you loved me you'd stay, be a man", but bang on brother.

Talking of Bro Code; round here it's customary to let the cheating wifes husband know and H (or boyfriend) buys the beer as a thank you for the heads up. They ain't got far to walk.
I wouldn't say that to my husband.... And I can't imagine him ever going for a beer with a man I had sex with.... I don't ever want them to meet.
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post #79 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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Let this story serve as a warning to husbands. If your wife is having any issues related to producing viable offspring, keep an eye out for infidelity. I'm not saying all women will do it, but it seems the chances increase. These issues include: infertility, impotence, miscarriage, children born with special needs. There's a chance your wife's primitive nature will take over, and she might look for alternative ways to produce viable offspring.
We have been unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant but that isn't why I did it.... I don't want to get pregnant by a man who is not my husband. I don't know what I'd do if I got pregnant this month. I used Plan B but I'd still worry about it not being my husbands.
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post #80 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:06 AM
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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I don't know why I did that
Yes you do.

BECAUSE

That truly is the answer boiled down to it's most simple and pure form.

But you better have better answer than that because that answer won't fly with your BS.

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Originally Posted by ufwm View Post
OM is "Other Man', right? He wouldn't do that would he? He knew that I'm married. It came up in conversation....He asked me about it and asked and said the right things for me to say something negative about my husband.
Wow, that is telling. So he smooth talks you for a few minutes and you choose to say something negative about your BS. Wow.


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Originally Posted by ufwm View Post
I was wearing my wedding rings, which makes me feel worse that I was wearing them when I was with another man. They came off at same point because I wasn't wearing them when I woke up,
So let me get this straight:
1) BS is out of the country - no way possible to interfere
2) You go out on a GNO cause you're lonely
3) When this guy presented himself, you go hunting for him.
4) You stay after all your friends leave to see if he is interested in more
5) you take him to your house - you know the one you share with you BS
6) You have sex
7) Not only do you have sex, you have it in your marital bed
8) Let's be honest here - no protection- cause why stop for that inconvenience.
9) you at some point take off your rings cause now you're not a married woman having sex, you're a single woman having a ONS

There are a lot of deliberate choices being made

Sounds like there's a lot more issues in your marriage then you're letting on.

This feels almost like an exit affair that didn't go as expected (of course I can be way off but it is very much like what happened to a friend)

We protect ourselves from lies,
By fanatically holding to our own truths.
But when our truths turn to fanaticism,
Our truths become the Lie.
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post #81 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
OP, you will get a lot of opinions.
I'll add one more. Don't tell him - but you need to make sure that never happens again. I suggest a rule for yourself that you never drink unless you are with your husband. Never - for the rest of your life. I think if you hadn't been drinking, you wouldn't have done this.



Its not so hard, for reasons of my own, I never drink alcohol.
I hardly ever drink. Once this year, once was enough... I don't think I've drank any amount more than 10-15 times in my life. That was my first time being hungover.... I'm not a drinker, it wouldn't be hard to stop...
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post #82 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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Exactly how did you come to meet a "stranger" who was more than willing to "take you" right there in the sanctity of your very own marriage bed?
I had never met him before.... I swear to god.. A lot of the replies here hurt and make me sit here crying but I know I deserve that and it'll be 10x worse with my husband.

He wanted one thing... And I guess I was stupid and easy. I have never been "used" before. He was gone when I woke up and I was happy about that but it also just adds to me feeling like ****. Again, I deserve that.
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post #83 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:10 AM
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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I used Plan B but I'd still worry about it not being my husbands.
Forgive me if I missed it but are you saying you used no protection?
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post #84 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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That is a good question.What happens if the OM does come back for more?What if he threatens to lie and exaggerate to her husband?
That's terrifying.... I don't want him to ever have contact with my husband, or me again. I doubt he'd want more, and I wouldn't do it again. I know that doesn't mean much, because I said that before and did it.
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post #85 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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Are you sure you actually had sex with him (intercourse)?

I mean, not that it makes it much better, but you know.
I'm sure. I wish I could say that I didn't. I remember doing it, not well but I remember it, and I could feel it when I woke up.

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post #86 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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Forgive me if I missed it but are you saying you used no protection?
I don't remember... I hope I did but I can't remember at all and there wasn't an open condom wrapper laying around or a used one in the garbage. There was an unopened one wedged between the mattress and siderails of the bed frame, but that doesn't help me... I know that's disgusting...
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post #87 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:15 AM
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Cool Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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Originally Posted by ufwm View Post
I had never met him before.... I swear to god.. A lot of the replies here hurt and make me sit here crying but I know I deserve that and it'll be 10x worse with my husband.

He wanted one thing... And I guess I was stupid and easy. I have never been "used" before. He was gone when I woke up and I was happy about that but it also just adds to me feeling like ****. Again, I deserve that.
M'dear! Regardless, you owe your H the full story!

Might I suggest for you to make a visit to a good individual counselor though before you break the news to your H! It might help you!

And do get checked out by your MD for the presence of any latent STD's!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #88 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:17 AM
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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Forgive me if I missed it but are you saying you used no protection?
Un-used condom found on the floor or some such. OP does not use condoms with H. They are attempting to have a child.

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post #89 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:20 AM
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

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M'dear! Regardless, you owe your H the full story!

Might I suggest for you to make a visit to a good individual counselor though before you break the news to your H! It might help you!

And do get checked out by your MD for the presence of any latent STD's!
This.

Can you see a counselor today, OP?

You need to tell your husband soon, imo. But professional advice first could be very helpful.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #90 of 295 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:20 AM
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Re: I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do

Will you tell your H as soon as he returns from his trip or keep it a secret forever...You need to decide that right away. Before he comes home. You will get both opinions here.

The first thing many husbands want to do when they get home is to be with their wife.
So you should be prepared to deal with going to bed (the bed shared with OM) with your clueless husband, or refusing to do that until you tell him.

After that bomb s dropped the WHY question will come up.
Unless you were drugged with a roofie you need to understand that you did this because at the time you wanted to. Do you often say att he bar lone when your friends have left?
You were not hypnotized, played or tricked, you were a willing participant, a grown woman who knows why single people hang out in bars. You were in the mood for some excitement, some side sex with a new man. You may have been drinking but you had many many chances to stop that train and go home. Your friends left you or you encouraged them (maybe they know what you were doing and were ok with it) to leave so you could continue talking flirting, drinking with the OM.

This you need to come to grips with and take responsibility for.

You have a couple days to write down what happened, H will want to know.
Get tested for STD
Do you bar friends know what happened?
Try to eat and drink water, no booze.
Try to sleep.
Post here if you feel it helps. We are not emotionally involved and see things differently than you and H will.

Understand that you are at the beginning of a long and difficult path. Some M survive, some don't.

Good luck to you and H

Last edited by mickybill; 05-16-2017 at 10:27 AM.
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