I love my husband. I have been happy with him and I wanted to spend my life with him. I still do. All of my happiest memories are with him and I don't want those to stop. He's everything that I have ever wanted. And I ruined it....
I cheated on my husband and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell him or what to do. I don't know what to say because what happened still isn't very clear. I don't want to lose my husband, but I know I'm going to. I don't deserve him. He has never been unfaithful to me. He's an amazing husband that any woman would be lucky to have. Friends thought we had a perfect marriage, and I just blew it up.
My husband isn't home right now. He is in the Dominican with his friends. All day I just sit at home, cry and feel disgusted with myself. This isn't the type of person I am. Or thought I was.... I guess I am.... Before this I have never been unfaithful. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could ever do something like this. I have never been a promiscuous person, but that night I was. I wish I could take it back, or better yet, I wish it never happened. It wasn't worth it, nothing could ever make it worth the cost of my marriage and my husband's pain.
I am so scared for when he comes home. I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to forget that it happened and be happy. My husband doesn't know right now and I don't know how to tell him and minimize the pain that I caused him. I don't want to lose him. I don't know how I'm going to look him in the eye and tell him what I did, then watch him walk away.
We recently decided to take the next step in our marriage and we were so happy about that. All of our hopes and plans are ruined, because of me. Everything that we built is ruined. I don't understand how some people can be unfaithful to their spouse over and over. I did it once and it is killing me.
This is really hard to write.... I'm scared to read the replies.... I don't want to be told how terrible of a person I am, I know.... I just want to be with my husband, in his arms but he isn't here and when he does get here he isn't going to want to be anywhere near me.
What do I do....
OK, lets start out with what I consider the poor advice that you should take this to your grave. It's obvious you are feeling very bad, and let me tell you, if you sit on this and not tell him, and then he either finds out later or you tell him down the road, it will be worse because he will then wonder how many times it happened other than once.
Second, it appears that this probably happened at a GNO or party with other people around. If that is the case, and your husband knows these people who know or suspect what you have done,m then that will add to his feeling of emasculation when and if he finds out.
Sounds like yours is a perfect example why books like :"Not Jus Friends" , which you may want to read, say that after the workplace, these BNO and GNO and separate vacations are the next most prevalent beginnings of infidelity. You are just like 95% of any other women who cheat at a bar or GNO in that very very few even think it is a possibility. Then mix some alcohol with a bunch of girlfriends acting like they are on Spring Brerak with a guy you get attracted to and this is where you are at.
If this happened with a co worker, you really have a bigger problem. So I hope that is not the case.
Now here is the good news. The majority of men DO NOT leave and divorce over the first incidence of infidelity. As a matter of fact, women initiate almost 70% of divorces in this country (US), so you can survive this. If you decide to do the right thing and confess, do NOT call it a mistake. A mistake is forgetting Tide at the grocery store. Drunk or not, taking off your clothes and getting in a bed with another man is a decision and you need to own that.
No one can predict the future or what he will do or if guilt will eat you alive. You have to decide that one. But if you do not confess, I suggest you better have a talk with anyone else who knows Andy not go out partying with them any more. If they encouraged you, they are not your friends.