My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:09 PM Thread Starter
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My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

My husband, who I have been married to for 12 years has been having an affair with a woman for at least 18 months. I don't know what the worst part it... that he's having an affair, that our marriage is a lie, or that his MOTHER (who I hate) had to tell me.

My wretched MIL who raised my POS husband has known for A YEAR AND A HALF that my husband is having an affair. And she CASUALLY dropped that bomb on me yesterday when she came over to see our kids. "Your floor needs to be mopped and the kids toys are everywhere, that must be stressful for the kids and nothing Dan should have to come home to. Oh hey by the way do you know that your husband, my perfect darling son that you ****ed up and stole from me, is out banging some ***** right now because you suck as a wife and are draining the life out of him?" Ok, that isn't exactly what she said but damn near close enough and might as well have. Then, had the nerve to ask, nay demand, if she could take our kids for the night (tonight) so I can talk to her precious son in peace, without our kids that I forced onto him, about his ***** and how he was forced to go to her because I'm such a horrible wife. Poor him. And had the ****ing audacity to inform me that she has MET my husband's ***** and that she is NICE and PRETTY.

I called my husband approximately 501 times and he didn't answer. At first I thought his mother had reached a new low of trying to sabotage our marriage. He didn't answer. We have kids, someone could be ****ing dead. I tore the ****ing house apart searching for anything that confirmed what the devil said.

Right now at this very moment he is suppose to be up at our lake working on the plumbing at our cottage so we can go up this weekend. Funny, because the ****ING KEYS to the cottage are in his coat pocket right now and there is a charge on his credit card to a plumbing company. Am I allowed to kill him? Or hope he hasn't answered because he's dead in the woods somewhere?

He is suppose to come home in 3 hours. If he even will. I'm sure his innocent mother told him that I know now. Her life isn't fulfilled unless she is sitting in the middle of our life and problems. All of his clothes are in garbage bags sitting on the step and I want to change the locks. That feels like I'm letting him off too easily. What, I already did the packing for him and just send him off to his ***** with a smile and wave goodbye? I'd set the bags on fire if it wasn't a city violation.

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post #2 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:16 PM
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

You gotta get yourself under control. Be cold, calculating and on point. Call a lawyer, start working on closing credit cards and get your stuff together.
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post #3 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:20 PM
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Cool Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

There's one very easy way to rid yourself of both him and his overbearing mother ~ file for divorce against his sorry a$$!

Sounds like an unpassable "two for one deal" to me!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 05-17-2017 at 12:47 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #4 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:23 PM
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

Ha, you sound just like me when I found out. Have you got evidence? My only regret when I kicked him out was that I didn't demand to see everything - all the evidence - and make copies of it before he was gone and had a chance to delete everything. My husband was set up on a bunch of sex sites, and later on it would have been helpful if I'd been able to see what messages he was sending and receiving.

I know you're upset of course, but do try and calm down. Can the kids go somewhere? They should NOT be there for this.

You will need a dr visit (for STD testing) and a lawyer visit. But that's in a couple days. Right now you need to get someone to take your kids for a couple of days and you need to take care of yourself. You won't want to eat, you won't be able to sleep.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #5 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:29 PM
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

Holy crap... yes, calm down. You don't want to end up in jail or dead.

Let's focus... How was your marriage before finding out? Was it sexless? Trying to see if the marriage is worth a 5% chance of saving or was it a sham to begin with.

Do you know who the woman is yet? You need to get this information. She's probably married too and you need to expose her.
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post #6 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:36 PM
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

You need to keep yourself together. Keep calm. I understand how angry you are at this time. Your MIL & your husband are pieces of art. Really sorry you are here, especially that you have children to look after. See an attorney as soon as you can. Take care of yourself as you will need to focus on tasks to be done. Don't rugsweep anything. Keep posting at TAM, even if you're just venting. It will help you to cope with your most difficult times.
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post #7 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:45 PM
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

@mel7, Sorry you had to seek us out, but glad you found us.

Remember, we are here for you.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #8 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:50 PM
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

Wow, what a HORRIBLE MIL! What a beotch! Dont let her take the kids with her, she may likely not bring them back. As for your husband, good for you for packing up his crap, dont let him stay! Also make sure you dont speak to your MIL when you are making plans on your divorce.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #9 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

My kids are with a good friend of mine. No chance in hell I'd let my MIL take them, she probably wouldn't give them back. Or will turn them into mini versions of her **** up son. Of course my family live across the North Atlantic after I moved to this godforsaken country to let my husband be closer to his mummy. I want my husband to show up so I can go ballistic, and don't want him to show up because I never want to see him again. But I'll have to because I picked such a prime candidate to father my kids.

The only proof I have is his mother's statement, and the keys to the cottage being at home when there are no extra keys. I searched everywhere and everything and couldn't find anything. If he has been able to hide it for over a year he's probably good at it. I have no idea how long he's been with his *****. Just that it's been AT LEAST 18 months. For all I know she was in the picture before I was and they have 20 kids together. Maybe if I had his phone I'd find something but at this point I'm sure he deleted everything. Not that details matter when he's screwing someone who isn't his wife. Or maybe she is and I'm not really.

Our marriage was ****ty. Frequent but ****ty sex. No time spent together. No affection. Selfishness. All on his end.
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post #10 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 01:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

Let's focus... How was your marriage before finding out? Was it sexless? Trying to see if the marriage is worth a 5% chance of saving or was it a sham to begin with.

Do you know who the woman is yet? You need to get this information. She's probably married too and you need to expose her.

I'll try this again. The beginning of our marriage was good aside from him having one cheating incident that we could still argue about on if it was cheating or not. I let it go eventually and our marriage was good. We had ups and downs but it wasn't as bad as it is now. For the last 3 years my husband has been selfish in every way. He doesn't want to help around the house, doesn't want to help much with the kids, anything in the bedroom is all about him. He doesn't want to go out together and we haven't had a date in years. He doesn't want to even go to the store with me so I have to go alone with the kids and take 5x longer to get the shopping done. He doesn't want affection. From me. He's getting it elsewhere so why would he need it from me when he has the newer better model. I don't know who she is, only her first name which my MIL told me. I don't want to be married to him. I'd like to do a lot of other things but being married to him isn't one of them.

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post #11 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 01:17 PM
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

Mel7, how old are your children? How old are you and your husband? Do you have access to your bank accounts? Calm yourself down and go through your bank statements. You need to make sure that you have finances to support you and your children & will have resources in this difficult time.

If he comes around, don't scare him and be calm. You need to get answers. Who is this Other Woman? You need to get as much information as you can. You don't have to accommodate him at all. As you have his bags packed up already, tell him to go somewhere else as you need the peace to hear yourself think. Meanwhile, get an appointment to see an attorney.

You need to be calm, so that you can anlyze your situation properly. You need to have a plan to end your misery. You will get advice from many individuals in TAM who have been in your shoes before. Weigh their advice carefully as it applies to you.
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post #12 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 01:27 PM
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

Mel7, can you tell us in detail how his first affair was discovered & the details as how you dealt with the situation? It appears that the affair was rugswept and not dealt with properly. Your details with this first affair can make us draw our hypotheses as to his pattern of cheating. We can see a wider picture of your present situation. Perhaps, this will help with the advice that individuals will post to give you. Really sorry that you are here.
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post #13 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 02:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

Our kids are 2, 2, 5, 6 and 8. Two biological and 3 adopted. My husband is 39, I'm 35. Married 12 years. Our bank accounts are separate but I can login to both and see what is in them and being spent. He has no access to mine, because he pays no attention to me and even now has no idea what my passwords are to anything. Financially it's going to suck until things get sorted out. It's not like we're going to be on the street starving, I work, but we're a two income family and need that to be comfortable.

What good will it do to know who she is? Other than to torture myself on the details. Younger, prettier, better. I don't know how I will possibly be able to be calm with him. I have never been this pissed off in my life, and I know it's going to come crashing down at some point and turn into devastation. It has to. All I want is him and his family out of my life. Unfortunately part of his family is my babies.

When my husband and I had been married for 3 months we had a temporary long distance marriage. It lasted 2 months and we were in different countries. My husband had a "close friend" whom he had hooked up with in the past before our relationship. I have never met her. While we were apart this friend stayed with him sometimes, never admitted how often, and swore there was no cheating. He admitted that they slept in the same bed and cuddled but swore it was only as friends and there was no sex or kissing. He doesn't consider even that cheating, I do. Especially because I don't trust that it didn't go past cuddling and spooning all night. We fought about it for quite a while, by the end of our first year of marriage I dropped it. He was always telling me the same story, swearing it was true and I felt like I was being insecure. He told me about it casually, otherwise I never would have known or found out. He hasn't talked to her since.
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post #14 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 02:31 PM
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

Sounds like you'd be well rid of him.

Let OW have him and pity her..... Nobody knows better then you what she's getting.
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post #15 of 65 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 02:35 PM
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Re: My husband has been ****ing another woman for over a year

Wow, that's a lot of young kids to care for. Please seek a lawyer ASAP. Your kids need his income from him if nothing else.

Kill three birds with one stone: your sham of a marriage, your soon to be X, and you MIL from hell!

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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