OK so here goes.
My wife was my high school sweetheart. We met junior year and she ended up pregnant just four months later. There was talk around school that the child was not mine. People had even seen her walking hand-in-hand with another guy. I called it off with her, then six months into the pregnancy her mom brought her over to my parents house and basically told us that she would be kicked out when the baby was born. I ended up taking her back, and she moved in with me at my folks . Things were great for two years, so we decided we did love one another, and got married in August 2003. Shortly after we were married, I had found out that she had been messing around with my best friend. When confronted she lied to my face. She ended up moving in with her sister across town and leaving me with our three-year-old daughter. Fast forward six months later after no contact, and she suddenly back in the picture.
After reconciling six months later she was pregnant with our second child. I had gotten a great job and we moved into her own place and that's when things really took a turn for the worst. I had a buddy move in with me it was a friend since we were little. He had a brother that was going thru some marriage problems at the time and he would always come over. Well, they ended up having an affair. She told me she no longer loved me and that she wanted to leave me and move in with him. Fortunately him and his wife patched up their issues and the affair ended. Trying to be a good husband and responsible parent I offered to forgive her again and raise our two children and work on our marriage.
About two years later I was laid off of my job, my parents ended up moving to Texas and we weren't able to support ourselves so we moved with them. This was hard on her as it moved her away from all her friends and family. While she did not cheat for the six years we lived in Texas she did write a boyfriend from high school A letter telling him that she never loved me and was only with me because our parents helped us so much. Again me being an idiot, I forgave herand got us tickets to Hawaii. She wanted to renew our vows there so we did it on a private beach. She told me that she was very sorry for everything and that the renewal of vows was a new beginning.
After two years we were able to finally financially support ourselves so we move back to HER home state. Reluctantly, my parents warned me that moving there would end in divorce. I assured them that she was totally changed and I had nothing to worry about. Boy was I wrong!
We ended up movin to Tennessee in Aug 2015. Two months into the new relocation she told me things needed to change or we would have to talk about divorce. So, I completely did a 180 and change everything that I was doing to try to get her to change her mind. She refused counseling and filed six months after we became Legal residents. She would not budge and she would not really tell me why we were divorcing.
During this time she turned my two children against me. She made it seem it was all my fault. The divorce was finalized in July 2016. I moved my own place and she ended up moving into a new apartment. We really never stop hanging out that which was weird. We would go to dinner, movies, places with the kids but she would never stay the night and we never had sex. This one one on and off until about November 2016. She try to go no contact with me but would contact me about once twice possibly three times a week. Then suddenly in February it was like a switch was flipped on and everything was back on. Hanging out going out to dinner I had stayed the night a couple nights but we never end up having sex I just held her.
Then suddenly about four weeks ago she cut everything off again. Four nights, ago I received a phone call from a woman who tells me she has big news. She told me to give her day and she would call me back and let me know what was going on. I asked if she knew my ex-wife, and all she would say was yes.
So, she called me the next day and explained that her and her husband were getting a divorce because my ex-wife had been sleeping with him since November 2015. They are coworkers of sorts. she works at one office in Nashville he works in the Memphis office, 175 miles away. They had never actually met in person before they started meeting at a hotel. They talked on the phone and emailed thru work email. The affair partner's wife let me sign into her Facebook and read the conversation of my ex-wife admitting to times, dates, positions, the whole 9 yards.
They were caught two months ago. They are trying to reconcile and my ex-wife came over to my place the other night and broke down crying. She said she felt like she was garbage and didn't deserve any relationship. Again, I told her that I want what's best for our kids and then I would forgive her if she would come to therapy and figure out why she cannot stay faithful. She agreed and even told our children. Last night she broke it off and now won't even respond to me. She had an exit affair and it was purely sexual. I know I shouldn't want to get back with her and I should not love her, but I don't understand why I do still. Maybe it's the fact my 10-year-old has been trying to cut herself since we divorced or maybe it's because my 15-year-old has told me she had thoughts of suicide. Obviously I'm going to seek both of them professional treatment, but I don't know what to do? Do I go no contact and never speak with her again except about the children or do I realize that she finally is ready to make a change and be a grown-up? I'm 34 and she is 33 and I have no idea what to do. I'm very lonely because I'm in a new state with no friends or family and other than work, nothing to do. I don't want to leave my children but if I can't make some friends or find some peace here, I feel like I have to go back and live around my friends and family. I will still see the children but the chances of reconciliation would never happen again. What should I do?
TLDR: married 16 years, two kids, wife had multiple affairs throughout relationship, made me move us to her home state where I have no friends or family and had an exit affair and told me she divorced me for other reasons. I just found out about the affair for days ago and we've been divorced since July 2016. She seems to want to reconcile but I don't know what to do.
My wife was my high school sweetheart. We met junior year and she ended up pregnant just four months later. There was talk around school that the child was not mine. People had even seen her walking hand-in-hand with another guy. I called it off with her, then six months into the pregnancy her mom brought her over to my parents house and basically told us that she would be kicked out when the baby was born. I ended up taking her back, and she moved in with me at my folks . Things were great for two years, so we decided we did love one another, and got married in August 2003. Shortly after we were married, I had found out that she had been messing around with my best friend. When confronted she lied to my face. She ended up moving in with her sister across town and leaving me with our three-year-old daughter. Fast forward six months later after no contact, and she suddenly back in the picture.
After reconciling six months later she was pregnant with our second child. I had gotten a great job and we moved into her own place and that's when things really took a turn for the worst. I had a buddy move in with me it was a friend since we were little. He had a brother that was going thru some marriage problems at the time and he would always come over. Well, they ended up having an affair. She told me she no longer loved me and that she wanted to leave me and move in with him. Fortunately him and his wife patched up their issues and the affair ended. Trying to be a good husband and responsible parent I offered to forgive her again and raise our two children and work on our marriage.
About two years later I was laid off of my job, my parents ended up moving to Texas and we weren't able to support ourselves so we moved with them. This was hard on her as it moved her away from all her friends and family. While she did not cheat for the six years we lived in Texas she did write a boyfriend from high school A letter telling him that she never loved me and was only with me because our parents helped us so much. Again me being an idiot, I forgave herand got us tickets to Hawaii. She wanted to renew our vows there so we did it on a private beach. She told me that she was very sorry for everything and that the renewal of vows was a new beginning.
After two years we were able to finally financially support ourselves so we move back to HER home state. Reluctantly, my parents warned me that moving there would end in divorce. I assured them that she was totally changed and I had nothing to worry about. Boy was I wrong!
We ended up movin to Tennessee in Aug 2015. Two months into the new relocation she told me things needed to change or we would have to talk about divorce. So, I completely did a 180 and change everything that I was doing to try to get her to change her mind. She refused counseling and filed six months after we became Legal residents. She would not budge and she would not really tell me why we were divorcing.
During this time she turned my two children against me. She made it seem it was all my fault. The divorce was finalized in July 2016. I moved my own place and she ended up moving into a new apartment. We really never stop hanging out that which was weird. We would go to dinner, movies, places with the kids but she would never stay the night and we never had sex. This one one on and off until about November 2016. She try to go no contact with me but would contact me about once twice possibly three times a week. Then suddenly in February it was like a switch was flipped on and everything was back on. Hanging out going out to dinner I had stayed the night a couple nights but we never end up having sex I just held her.
Then suddenly about four weeks ago she cut everything off again. Four nights, ago I received a phone call from a woman who tells me she has big news. She told me to give her day and she would call me back and let me know what was going on. I asked if she knew my ex-wife, and all she would say was yes.
So, she called me the next day and explained that her and her husband were getting a divorce because my ex-wife had been sleeping with him since November 2015. They are coworkers of sorts. she works at one office in Nashville he works in the Memphis office, 175 miles away. They had never actually met in person before they started meeting at a hotel. They talked on the phone and emailed thru work email. The affair partner's wife let me sign into her Facebook and read the conversation of my ex-wife admitting to times, dates, positions, the whole 9 yards.
They were caught two months ago. They are trying to reconcile and my ex-wife came over to my place the other night and broke down crying. She said she felt like she was garbage and didn't deserve any relationship. Again, I told her that I want what's best for our kids and then I would forgive her if she would come to therapy and figure out why she cannot stay faithful. She agreed and even told our children. Last night she broke it off and now won't even respond to me. She had an exit affair and it was purely sexual. I know I shouldn't want to get back with her and I should not love her, but I don't understand why I do still. Maybe it's the fact my 10-year-old has been trying to cut herself since we divorced or maybe it's because my 15-year-old has told me she had thoughts of suicide. Obviously I'm going to seek both of them professional treatment, but I don't know what to do? Do I go no contact and never speak with her again except about the children or do I realize that she finally is ready to make a change and be a grown-up? I'm 34 and she is 33 and I have no idea what to do. I'm very lonely because I'm in a new state with no friends or family and other than work, nothing to do. I don't want to leave my children but if I can't make some friends or find some peace here, I feel like I have to go back and live around my friends and family. I will still see the children but the chances of reconciliation would never happen again. What should I do?
TLDR: married 16 years, two kids, wife had multiple affairs throughout relationship, made me move us to her home state where I have no friends or family and had an exit affair and told me she divorced me for other reasons. I just found out about the affair for days ago and we've been divorced since July 2016. She seems to want to reconcile but I don't know what to do.