I know this story has been told here a million times already. I'm just really struggling right now and would like to know somebody's listening.
My wife and I have been married 18 years. We've raised two great boys 14 and 16. My wife thinks she's going through a midlife crisis (she's mid-40's) and has been a bit lost since the boys got old enough they no longer "need" her. She started working full time a few years ago and enjoys it. But recently she's been struggling.
Some history: About 6 years ago wife and I had gotten very distant, not sleeping in the same room, etc. I have some pretty severe anxiety issues and can close off emotionally. She'd had something of an emotional affair with an old highschool friend at this time and I discovered it and did some serious soul searching. Wife wasn't "unhappy" at the time, and we worked on the marriage and I worked on opening up emotionally and things really improved for a while. But a couple years ago we started drifting back into old habits. I started getting closed off emotionally, drinking too much, and really resentful of her lack of participation around home. She enjoyed going out with her friends and would beg me to come along but I just kept ignoring her sometimes subtle, sometimes overt pleas to reconnect.
Just last Friday I got a message from a woman who said my wife was having an emotional if not physical affair with her husband. Confronting my wife she admitted that she and this guy started FB messaging since January and met twice at a public place. She said it was very intense, and that she basically fell in love with the guy. She said she's been very unhappy for the past year especially and has seriously considered leaving me. She says she can't imagine us growing old together anymore, and she said "every day" she thinks about the fact that our marriage probably wouldn't survive the boys leaving home.
She expresses that she's very sorry about the affair, sorry she's hurt me. She'll do "whatever you want" (her words) including me kicking her out or leaving her. I told her I want to work on us. And I do. I had to sleep on it and realized what I really want is to get into therapy and address my anxiety disorders, drinking, etc. I feel like my marriage might be too far gone, and looking beyond her leaving me I feel like I will be a very unhappy person all my life if I don't get the help I need. I feel like working on me is my only chance of being able to emotionally connect with anybody (including her). And if that helps save my marriage then so be it.
Thanks for listening. Any experiences/advice are welcome of course.
--steve
My wife and I have been married 18 years. We've raised two great boys 14 and 16. My wife thinks she's going through a midlife crisis (she's mid-40's) and has been a bit lost since the boys got old enough they no longer "need" her. She started working full time a few years ago and enjoys it. But recently she's been struggling.
Some history: About 6 years ago wife and I had gotten very distant, not sleeping in the same room, etc. I have some pretty severe anxiety issues and can close off emotionally. She'd had something of an emotional affair with an old highschool friend at this time and I discovered it and did some serious soul searching. Wife wasn't "unhappy" at the time, and we worked on the marriage and I worked on opening up emotionally and things really improved for a while. But a couple years ago we started drifting back into old habits. I started getting closed off emotionally, drinking too much, and really resentful of her lack of participation around home. She enjoyed going out with her friends and would beg me to come along but I just kept ignoring her sometimes subtle, sometimes overt pleas to reconnect.
Just last Friday I got a message from a woman who said my wife was having an emotional if not physical affair with her husband. Confronting my wife she admitted that she and this guy started FB messaging since January and met twice at a public place. She said it was very intense, and that she basically fell in love with the guy. She said she's been very unhappy for the past year especially and has seriously considered leaving me. She says she can't imagine us growing old together anymore, and she said "every day" she thinks about the fact that our marriage probably wouldn't survive the boys leaving home.
She expresses that she's very sorry about the affair, sorry she's hurt me. She'll do "whatever you want" (her words) including me kicking her out or leaving her. I told her I want to work on us. And I do. I had to sleep on it and realized what I really want is to get into therapy and address my anxiety disorders, drinking, etc. I feel like my marriage might be too far gone, and looking beyond her leaving me I feel like I will be a very unhappy person all my life if I don't get the help I need. I feel like working on me is my only chance of being able to emotionally connect with anybody (including her). And if that helps save my marriage then so be it.
Thanks for listening. Any experiences/advice are welcome of course.
--steve