Is there such a thing as a faithful man?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 01-12-2012, 11:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

I am of hispanic origin and it seems that it is an accepted fact that men will cheat. I do not agree with this at all but it seems like the explanation is always the same...

"its a way to get out of the routine"

"as long as he comes home to you who cares"

"all men will do it"

"all men cheat, just some of them get caught, while others never do"

is this true? Is there no faithful men out there? really?
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

You can see from this board that most of the cheated on are men, so yes there are alot of good faithful men out there.

But there's something with the ladies and their bad boys I guess.
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

Neither I nor any of my 4 brothers have ever cheated, nor do any of my local buddies. But what did I and 2 of my brothers and 3 of my friends get for being faithful? Cheating wives. In fact this my 2nd marriage and my first wife cheated on me too. Times have changed. GNOs to clubs, workplace affairs, etc, so my question is there any faithful women out there?
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

Is there any such thing as a faithful spouse?

I think given current statistics, this question would be more appropriate.

One in five married women has had a fling -- the highest numbers ever recorded, according to one group of researchers. In fact, the numbers of cheating wives now equals the statistics on cheating husbands, according to a study by Tom W. Smith with the National Opinion Research Center.

From Cheating Wives: Women and Infidelity
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

I have always been faithful...
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Old 01-13-2012, 02:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

It has nothing to do with race or gender really, it is what kind of people you talk to. In some circles infidelity is a part of machismo, in others it is really frowned upon.
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Old 01-13-2012, 03:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

My father cheated, my Mom re-married and cheated, then divorced the second time and she's now the "other woman". My grandpa cheated and had an entire "secret family" on the side, my uncle cheated, my cousin cheated, pretty much everyone at hubby's work cheated, the vast majority of my friends cheated.

Then after I cheated on him, my husband tells me this story how some 10 years earlier he found himself in a bar with his buddies. Everyone was "getting some" that night, disappearing with girls that hung out at that bar. My husband says he didn't, but that he just sat there talking with some girl all night long. Do I believe it? I don't know. My husband has maintained all his married life that he is not a cheater, that he would never do that.

I thought the same about myself and look at me now!
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Old 01-13-2012, 03:51 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

I am also of hispanic descent and I have never cheated on the women I loved. Sadly, my second wife (first wife deceased R.I.P.) cheated on me.

Sadly, women have caught up to men in the unfaithful spouse department.
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Old 01-13-2012, 05:31 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

I am of Latino descent/mixed race, very high needs and enjoy people in general. Come from a quite horrible even nightmarish background, was in some bad relationships and yet, it never occurred to me to cheat. I always tried to solve issues with my spouse/partner, to the point of it being, literally, insane.

In the end I am faithful to myself.
Which is a good thing.
I like to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and no matter how crappy and old I'm looking, I see a face I can trust, even though sometimes she does let things go a little too far in the way of trust in others and misplaced loyalty.

Until I have a divorce in hand, I am still married, and will honor marriage vows at least for my own feelings about the sacredness of that state of being.

I also know a lot of Hispanic men who are kind and faithful, and one who sings when he dances. I don't think this is about race, I think it's about morals. The same is said often about black men but in my experience it's not true. In fact, sometimes I think I did myself wrong by marrying a white guy (the one I'm divorcing)...I could ask the same question, are there any faithful White guys? But as a statistician I realize n of 3 out of the pool of the caucasian population is a very huge sampling error! I think rather it is my choice that is flawed.

For instance, my stbxh is in the military and doesn't like Puerto Ricans? Why? He says they are insular. That so doesn't make sense...he doesn't like people because he's never got to know them?! In my opinion he doesn't like the culture, which is to be supportive of each other. I think he's jealous but the fact of the matter is, if he wasn't so prejudiced (his father is racist, and not knowing I was mixed race, said disparaging things about non-whites...I kept my mouth shut and later dropped a hint...) he would be able to make a few more friends instead of hanging out with the old white guys in his unit. He does like Phillipinos but when he was in Phillipines he had a prostitute for a long while (months, really) so I think that's why. :-|

Trust me, white, black, Hispanic, Chinese, people are people. Either they keep the faith in terms of a relationship, or they don't.

I take full responsibility for having made bad choices. I had dug deeper into that at one time and the result was giving my husband another chance...he had portrayed himself as a nice guy, followed the rules...but my gut when I was 30 told me otherwise and I broke up with him twice. 14 years later I second-guessed my initial gut instinct and gave him another opportunity, I did not dig deep enough into what he had been doing those 14 years but took his word for his past relationships and what he told me turned out not to be true at all. He played by Mr. Nice Guy rules and I got taken in like a frog in a pot of water being heated up. When I reflected back on this I had been in a period of time dealing with a child with a disability who hadn't yet been diagnosed and finding someone who believed in me and supported me and was willing to be helpful was pretty much all it took to cloud my judgement. I thought my son had a tethered spinal cord and he did but it took many years to have it diagnosed, meanwhile he was incontinent and I was judged harshly by many others for having a preschooler, then a Kindergartener and then a child who was of the age for 1st grade who had endless poop and pee accidents all day long. Pretty much I was a sitting duck. I can see how that situation made me needy so that I overlooked red flags. I assumed that his issues were due to the challenges of dealing with my disabled child (who is now more or less fixed surgically).

Anyway, take a long hard look at your relationship choices and see what the common denominator or circumstances might have been during the time the relationship was formed. What made you overlook red flags? What made you stay long enough to be cheated on and/or abused (in my case)? What took away your (good, natural, given) power over self in failed relationships (with cheaters or abusers).

And what can you do about it? This time, I went to therapy for an entire year, and it was good. I have already had to deal with a guy approaching me and treating me badly from the get-go and he is history, he won't even dare show his face any more in my volunteer office. It's actually a little funny, in that I don't hold any bad feelings towards him for his disrespect and trying to finagle me, I had my say and since I won't be dealing with him on anything other than a superficial level, I can enjoy his personality and quirkiness and watch him in action trying to pull off similar maneuvering with others because I won't allow it to hurt me.

Once you know what to look for and get in touch with vulnerabilies on a day to day basis, you are more protected from cheaters and abusers, and not just in intimate relationships. Overall.

There is some U-Tube video out there "The Power of Vulnerability" which is well worth watching.

Sorry about your experience but I don't think it's a race issue at all. If anything, when I hear about this race or that race having a problem with men who are not family-oriented, I cringe, because I think the research on the comparison group (caucasian) is just flawed. When people have more wealth, in general, it is easier to hide deceit, or it doesn't have the same economic effect on women and children and so it is highly discounted as a real 'problem', even though in my opinion it is the SAME problem, regardless of how it plays out in the lives of the affected families.

Last edited by Homemaker_Numero_Uno; 01-13-2012 at 05:53 AM.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:34 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

I've been faithful my entire marriage, 33 years now. My wife cheated on me for years with different men.

In counseling, our Shrink looked at me and said, "given the right/wrong circumstance anyone can get caught up and be unfaithful". In retrospect, I think that is a line taught in Shrink School.

I looked at her and replied... "Have you ever been personally cheated on? You know about the pain, but have you ever personally lived it? I would never put another through this hell, regardless of circumstance."
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:04 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Meatpuppet View Post
Is there any such thing as a faithful spouse?

I think given current statistics, this question would be more appropriate.

One in five married women has had a fling -- the highest numbers ever recorded, according to one group of researchers. In fact, the numbers of cheating wives now equals the statistics on cheating husbands, according to a study by Tom W. Smith with the National Opinion Research Center.

From Cheating Wives: Women and Infidelity
That study shows that the large majority (4 out of 5) of spouses remain faithful. I'm sure that provides no comfort to those who have been cheated upon, but it certainlt dispels the notion that "everybody's doing it."
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:11 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

I've been faithful for ten years... And he repays that by cheating on me. But I will never change, I am proud that I am honest and trustworthy and faithful. My next partner an appreciate me because he didn't!
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:20 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meatpuppet View Post
Is there any such thing as a faithful spouse?

I think given current statistics, this question would be more appropriate.

One in five married women has had a fling -- the highest numbers ever recorded, according to one group of researchers. In fact, the numbers of cheating wives now equals the statistics on cheating husbands, according to a study by Tom W. Smith with the National Opinion Research Center.

From Cheating Wives: Women and Infidelity
Those statistics are absurd. They are no where near accurate.

The numbers are so much higher than that. 1 in 5 ? That's laughable.
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Old 01-13-2012, 09:06 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is there such a thing as a faithful man?

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Originally Posted by mishu143 View Post
I am of hispanic origin and it seems that it is an accepted fact that men will cheat. I do not agree with this at all but it seems like the explanation is always the same...

"its a way to get out of the routine"

"as long as he comes home to you who cares"

"all men will do it"

"all men cheat, just some of them get caught, while others never do"

is this true? Is there no faithful men out there? really?
Yes there are. Im one of them. Never cheated on a woman in my life, and never will. If things get bad, I'll leave the relationship, not cheat.

Having said that, and I know its hard to do, but people need to make better choices, both men and women, in who they date.

I know you can't really pick the non-cheaters out of a crowd, but I think you will increase your chances by, for example, not trying to date someone that seems really full of themselves. Attraction is important, but if someone looks like they are conceited, sorry, the chances of them thinking they should be able to share themselves with other people are high.

Not saying you can't have an attractive person that doesn't cheat. Like if I see women who like to look at themselves in the mirror, and are really seem pleased with themselves, I don't bother.

Just like women who are attracted to the "bad boys", but then are dumbfounded when they end up cheating.
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Old 01-13-2012, 09:30 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach View Post
Those statistics are absurd. They are no where near accurate.

The numbers are so much higher than that. 1 in 5 ? That's laughable.
And you know this how?
With all due respect, I'll side with a 40-year study conducted by the U. Of Chicago (one of the top schools in the country).
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