should i go back to her ?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » should i go back to her ?

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-13-2012, 08:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 13
Default should i go back to her ?

hi

am new to this but hoped it might be a good way to get some advice from people who have either been there or are in a similar position and mindset.

I have been separated from my wife for 18 months now after i found out she was having an affair with a guy at work. She had also had affair with the same guy 6 years previously maybe it had been carrying on all that time ? she also has a drink problem which she doesnt admit to ? Anyway we separated and shortly after this i met someone who i have enjoyed being with. However i do miss my wife we were childhood sweethearts and soulmates, my wife hasnt been with anyone since we split and i dont believe she is still seeing the guy she had the affair with as he wouldnt leave his wife and kids. She now is desparate for me back, in fact she has been all the time we have been apart. she gave me a kind of ultimatum at new year either to try again or let her know i dont want her and let her try and move on. I really cannot sort my head out as i am enjoying my new relationship and feeling wanted and know it would break new girls heart but i do still love and care for my wife and would never want to hurt her. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
echoman is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-13-2012, 08:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 41
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

Why are you going back? Does she love you or is she jealous of your new girl? When things return to normal will she cheat with him again? Did he (OM) break it off with her? Are you the fall back guy?......

You gave her a second chance and look how it ended! SHE IS GIVING YOU ULTIMATUMS WOW!
Badsmit is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 08:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 179
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

It seems like she needs help to get herself back to normal and make a real effort to show you that she still truly loves you before you can believe her.
Posted via Mobile Device
Cogo123 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 08:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
aug
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,044
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

She cheated twice with a break of 6 years in between cheating. How do you know she's not taking another break?

I cant see how you can ever fully trust her again?

If no kids, move on.

If kids are older, move on.

You have been separated 18 months, so the moving on should be easier.
aug is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 08:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
CH
Member
 
CH's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,577
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by aug View Post
She cheated twice with a break of 6 years in between cheating. How do you know she's not taking another break?
.
And with the same guy also.
CH is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 08:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 13
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

thanks for the thoughts

yes same guy, no kids we couldnt which i believe started the downfall of our marriage, maybe she is jealous of new girl
echoman is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 08:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 13
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cogo123 View Post
It seems like she needs help to get herself back to normal and make a real effort to show you that she still truly loves you before you can believe her.
Posted via Mobile Device

thats another view of it. i have agreed to meet up with her at end of month and would like to be clear in my head by then. just find it hard to move forward with new girl as unfinished business and unanswered questions with wife
echoman is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 08:48 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 41
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

Does your new girl know about this meeting and if the EX turns out to FU over agian are you going to be upset that you let the new girl go... (Do you love the new girl and do you care if you loose her?)
Badsmit is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 09:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 13
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Badsmit View Post
Does your new girl know about this meeting and if the EX turns out to FU over agian are you going to be upset that you let the new girl go... (Do you love the new girl and do you care if you loose her?)

no new girl doesnt know about meeting though she does keep mentioning when am getting divorced. i always said when sold house which i now have. yes i would be devastated if i let her go and things didnt work out with missus. i do love new girl but also love wife. life was so simple when we were young eh ?
echoman is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 09:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
CH
Member
 
CH's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,577
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

Don't lie to the new girl, let her know you're meeting the wife to talk at the end of the month. once you start lying, you'll keep on lying over and over to cover the 1st lie, then you have to lie to cover the 2nd lie to cover for the 1st one, and on and on and on.
CH is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 09:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 13
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheatinghubby View Post
Don't lie to the new girl, let her know you're meeting the wife to talk at the end of the month. once you start lying, you'll keep on lying over and over to cover the 1st lie, then you have to lie to cover the 2nd lie to cover for the 1st one, and on and on and on.
thanks for that advice bud you're right
echoman is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 10:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,721
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

She's cheated twice already. That should be reason enough to start a new page with your girlfriend. How many chances are you going to give her? She's evidently wanting you back because the other man dumped her.

Don't be a doormat
Complexity is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2012, 10:17 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 89
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

You need to let her go she cheated on you six years ago probably never ended it and even if she did started it back up again and her only excuse was that you didn't have kids with her. She's a bad person and you need to move on with your life. Your new girlfriend sounds much better. It sounds like you have a great new life with her Don't backpedal now your instincts were right when you left the first time.
oldmittens is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-14-2012, 02:47 AM   #14 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 13
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

well that settles it am not going to break with new girl going to meet wife at end of month say i was a little confused but i do need to move on with my life and to start divorce. best of luck to all of you and thanks for taking the time to offer your advice.
echoman is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-14-2012, 03:09 AM   #15 (permalink)
aug
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,044
Default Re: should i go back to her ?

and your stbxw has the OM to keep her company. No need to worry about her.
aug is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:05 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.