My marriage has had stress, but nothing out of the ordinary. My first wife cheated on me, and I have had trust issues ever since.
My second and wife had two online indiscretions, one before and one after we were married. I forgave, we worked through it, and things have been relatively great.
I had a motorcycle accident, and sepsis that almost killed me a month later. During this time I was racked with guilt over becoming disabled and that my wife had to take care of everything. Out business, our kids, everything. I was extremely depressed and told her she deserved someone else.
I eventually got off of the painkillers, but still not feeling right mentally and emotionally. I told her that I wanted to separate. My mind at the time, could not remember all that she was doing for us, or what she had done for me while during My ordeal. She was hoping that I would come back around up until just before the half of last month.
During the time I was in crisis and thinking I wanted to separate, I kept realizing that I loved her deeply and missed being with her, and that I wasnt thinking clearly. I looked up things and realize that I probably have PTSD from my first marriage, and now,from my accident.
I approached her about reconciliation, after about a month of me working things out. We are in separate rooms, but under the same roof. She says she doesn't know that she feels the same way anymore. She contacted an old fling to "talk," and met him at least twice. She changed her facebook password. She told me that someone asked her out for coffee but that she said "I don't know." She admitted that they are texting "normal stuff."
She agreed to MC, and I set it up. Our first appointment is tonight. I don't know what to think. I tried explaining to her what I was going through, but it seemed like begging to her. I said that I'm not being weak, that I'm actually getting stronger everyday, that I regret what I did and that I hurt her and am trying to win back her heart and save our marriage and family.
Over at Marriage Builders, I was advised to use a VAR. I didn't pick up any conversations, so I put it in the car since she uses speakerphone and voice to text while driving. I don't know how into the EA she is, or if she is having a PA.
I'm blaming myself for this. I haven't been right for a while. I told her that the man I was and the reasons why she fell in love with me are still there, that I am healing everyday.
I just don't know what to do, and I feel like she is checking out of our marriage.