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‘I Don’t Regret Cheating On My Partner—Here’s Why’

17K views 95 replies 31 participants last post by  Truthseeker1 
#1 ·
This type of media coverage only serves to glamorize cheating in my opinion. No consequences discussed for their infidelity.

___________________________________


‘I Don’t Regret Cheating On My Partner—Here’s Why’


Six women explain why they feel zero guilt.

By Jen Glantz March 2, 2017

With the exception of the hot fling you plan to have with Leo DiCaprio when the opportunity presents itself, you might assume that cheating on your partner would leave you feeling pretty bad (to say the least).

But some ladies get busy with other people, have zero regrets, and live to tell about it. And because this is a judgment-free zone, we asked women who've done just that to share their stories.

Here's their take on cheating without regrets.

"I got married at 24 to a person I didn't love but settled for because everyone was putting pressure on me to tie the knot. My family told me that I should focus on marriage instead of a career. And my friends were almost all married (we're from the south and that is just what people do). Our marriage was dead on arrival, and we just clung to each other because we didn't know what else to do. Three years in, I met someone else at work, and we had an affair. My husband found out and it was the catalyst that helped us both go on with our lives without each other." —Sherry D., 34

"I don't regret cheating because I didn't love the person I cheated with. I slept with a guy I met out one night at a club in Miami when I was celebrating a girlfriend’s birthday. In my eyes, it wasn't a big deal because there wasn't an emotional connection. It was just sex. If I loved him, then I would be cheating with more than just my body. I’ve been married for four years, and I truly love my husband. I don't plan on telling him because I don’t want to ruin our marriage over a person I don’t care about at all." —Raquel D., 31

"What comes around goes around. I found out my husband was cheating with a neighbor, so I cheated back. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. When my husband walked in on us, he was shocked. I saw him cry, but it felt good to get him back for the pain he caused me. Obviously, we ended up getting a divorce, and I was fine with that." —Luciana F., 41

"My husband and I hadn't slept together in two years. I needed sex. So I slept with a stranger. Cheating actually helped me realize that I needed to do something about our sex issues. I never told my husband about the affair, but I decided it was time to go to couples therapy and sort out our lack of sex. After going to therapy, we started trying new things in bed and making it a priority to have alone time together. Our relationship has never been stronger. I don't regret cheating because I feel like I had to do it for us to get to the place we are at now." —Erin D., 31

"I was tired of being a stay-at-home mom who wasn't treated well by her husband. My husband never called me beautiful and practically ignored me. I ended up secretly dating a guy that lived in the neighborhood and was recently divorced. It was my adventure, and it made me feel good about myself. The side guy knew about my husband and didn’t care. He wanted a girlfriend without all the attachment that came with it, so it was a mutual agreement. When my husband walked in on us one afternoon, he screamed that he wanted a divorce and I was okay with that." —Charlene W., 45

"You don't know what you are missing when the only guy you've slept with is your husband. Sleeping with other people expanded my horizons in the bedroom. I had two affairs in the same year actually! The first one was with a trainer at my gym and it ended when he moved. The second started only two months after that with a guy at work. He was the IT guy, and we hit it off. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I was in his bed. That one ended when I quit my job and I lost the thrill of sneaking around at work. I don't regret it, and my husband still has no idea." —Debby L., 28
 
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#9 ·
Once a cheater always a cheater is true, even if you never ever cheat again. My husband will always have cheated. Which technically isn't the same as being 'a cheater', but he can never ever again be a person who has never cheated. He will be 'a cheater' in that sense forever. I couldn't live with that, myself. It's unfathomable to me. Sometimes I look at him and just feel this sorrow for him, that he can never ever again be that person. No matter what he does.
 
#32 ·
I will say this about most people that cheat.. There is always a reason behind it.. When my father cheated on my mother she told me that he is not to blame for all of this. years went by and I did know why she said that.. It stayed in the back of my mind. 20 years go by and we find out that my mom wasn't clean either.. not saying she cheated but there is always reason behind it. So no I don't believe a person that cheats is a cheater. He might have cheated but that does not mean he's a cheater. Your just hanging it over his head because you enjoy it and feel good about yourself. Just because you ran tack in high school doesn't make you a runner. Just because you do something once doesn't makes you a expert. Just because you smoked pot in school doesn't make you a drug addict. Just because you got drunk at a night club means you a drunk. I can go on and on. Intent is what makes a cheater.
 
#10 ·
Its one other step proving what I've said all along; no mystery at all. Women that cheat no longer have or never had much romantic interest in their husbands. In respect to reconciliation, I hope in the future, folks refrain from asking that silly question, "Does she show remorse?". News flash, if she cheats, she's already, and excuse the way I say this, "reconciled" her reasons with possible guilt she may feel. Like a couple of these chicks said, "He caught me and wanted a divorce. I was fine with that".
 
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#24 ·
"What comes around goes around. I found out my husband was cheating with a neighbor, so I cheated back. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. When my husband walked in on us, he was shocked. I saw him cry, but it felt good to get him back for the pain he caused me. Obviously, we ended up getting a divorce, and I was fine with that." —Luciana F., 41
I'm ok with this. I had a revenge affair and posted pictures of my girlfriend and I all over facebook. I think it irritated my wife but that's about it. What drove my wife to tears was when I got to tell her my girlfriend was pregnant. She freaked at that. Couldn't give a sh!t about me but God forbid I should have a baby with another woman.
 
#29 ·
I know that this won't be too popular, but I gotta be honest...

In a past life, ex-WW did this. She was so cavalier about it, like there was something wrong with me for providing and expecting fidelity ("come on - monogamy is so outdated, right" / "we're only human"). She wanted to live the quintessential single life. The crazy thing was that I did not feel anger or jealousy or even inadequacy. I felt sorry for her and mostly worried for our (I literally can't remember the last time that I referred to anything as joint between the two of u-s) son who was only three at the time.

With some good advice and what can only be attributed to help from God, I was able to consistently make good decisions. I kept the household going and moved on as best I could doing everything possible to provide a stable, loving, and wholesome home for my son. She, on the other hand, moved back home to her parent's McMansion and ostensibly lived the life of riley. I can remember at night, putting him to bed after reading his bedtime story, staring at the laundry and the dishes and feeling like I was the loneliest person on planet Earth...

It was in those moments that I remember thinking I was the world's biggest fool and that maybe she was the smart one. You only live once, right? Gotta make the most of it, right? Carpe diem... To be fair, I cannot say that her life was all wine and roses. But, I do know that being a young single dad, though rewarding, was the hardest freaking experience that easily makes most anything else look pretty glamorous.
 
#31 ·
It was in those moments that I remember thinking I was the world's biggest fool and that maybe she was the smart one. You only live once, right? Gotta make the most of it, right? Carpe diem... To be fair, I cannot say that her life was all wine and roses. But, I do know that being a young single dad, though rewarding, was the hardest freaking experience that easily makes most anything else look pretty glamorous.
I could never do that. Looking back on my experience, I think during the 2 years I tried to reconcile, I basically just harassed her about her affair and then one day, I quit my job, packed my bags and moved to China. I'm somewhat living the life of Riley and you are right, its not all wine and roses but men suffer divorce harder than women. I could never do for my daughters what you did for your son though.
 
#35 ·
Maybe it's just me but I have no problem with articles like this. I don't think it glamorizes anything.....its a glimpse into how some people view things and that can be valuable, because pretending it doesn't exist changes nothing.

And its important to remember that there are people like this that one needs to be aware of.

I feel the same way about racists and sexist people.....its good that they speak up because we have to remember they still exist, and pretending they don't only drives it underground. Things thrive underground, as TAM is fond of pointing out.

I'm Jewish and pretending that anti Semites don't exist changes nothing.

Know your enemy.....
 
#39 ·
My wife watches a lot of Lifetime, where often it seems the storylines in their features glamorize cheating by women but condemn cheating by men. These stories OP posted also glamorize cheating by women. More and more, I can't help but feel there's a serious double standard with some women, where anything they do is somehow justified.

Me thinks media is brainwashing the rest of the feminist camp to achieve maximum optionality among women (e.g. free, uninhibited decision-making under all circumstances) while foregoing any sense of morality, rationality, or fairness. That's just what women need, to be empowered by some more choice, as if having 100% of reproductive rights wasn't enough.
 
#43 ·
It's true. I see it in real-life too, where women are celebrated for "getting their own lives" instead of putting up with their husband's poor behavior. To be fair, their husbands are doing things that hurt and upset them, like excessively drinking, hanging out with female friends without their wives, neglect, talking down to them, showing little to no interest in them, etc., but in those cases, I do wish these wives would set a higher bar in the marriage as opposed to lowering the standard to "get even." It becomes tricky though when you have finances to consider and children to raise.
 
#40 ·
This type of media coverage only serves to glamorize cheating in my opinion. No consequences discussed for their infidelity.

___________________________________

"I don't regret cheating because I didn't love the person I cheated with. I slept with a guy I met out one night at a club in Miami when I was celebrating a girlfriend’s birthday. In my eyes, it wasn't a big deal because there wasn't an emotional connection. It was just sex. If I loved him, then I would be cheating with more than just my body. I’ve been married for four years, and I truly love my husband. I don't plan on telling him because I don’t want to ruin our marriage over a person I don’t care about at all." —Raquel D., 31
I've seen this may times in this forum and others. The marriage is good. The analogy I use is someone that grew up eating pork and converted to a religion where it’s a sin. They know that they promised to never eat pork, that they will be in trouble if they do. If caught they will be sorry for disappointing and hurting the people around them. But they will never feel bad about enjoying a little bacon.

They wanted to grow old with their spouse and can’t understand on a gut level.
 
#49 ·
"I don't regret cheating because I didn't love the person I cheated with. I slept with a guy I met out one night at a club in Miami when I was celebrating a girlfriend’s birthday. In my eyes, it wasn't a big deal because there wasn't an emotional connection. It was just sex. If I loved him, then I would be cheating with more than just my body. I’ve been married for four years, and I truly love my husband. I don't plan on telling him because I don’t want to ruin our marriage over a person I don’t care about at all." —Raquel D., 31
I've seen this may times in this forum and others. The marriage is good. The analogy I use is someone that grew up eating pork and converted to a religion where it’s a sin. They know that they promised to never eat pork, that they will be in trouble if they do. If caught they will be sorry for disappointing and hurting the people around them. But they will never feel bad about enjoying a little bacon.

They wanted to grow old with their spouse and can’t understand on a gut level.
The thing is I get to some this is shocking but honestly 99% of the people who cheat feel this way (or one of the ways listed in the article) at least when they are doing it. I am with @lifeistooshort this very clearly shows the cheaters mindset. I just with it wasn't glamorized, it's good that it is out there though. How could you do it if you didn't justify it in this way? This thinking is the closest you are going to get to who your WS truly was when they had their affair. Proceed at your own risk.
 
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#41 ·
"What comes around goes around. I found out my husband was cheating with a neighbor, so I cheated back. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. When my husband walked in on us, he was shocked. I saw him cry, but it felt good to get him back for the pain he caused me. Obviously, we ended up getting a divorce, and I was fine with that." —Luciana F., 41
I really have no problem with this one.

The rest of them are classless pieces of trash.
 
#42 ·
I'm not surprised at all. Most marriages will suffer from an affair (over 60%). People have to justify it somehow or they will have to come to terms with the fact that they are selfish, entitled people who don't care about deeply hurting and betraying the person they promised to care for and cherish most.
 
#54 ·
I was racking my brains asking myself if I ever personally knew a woman who was cheating on her husband.

And yes, I could think of one. A long time friend of my sister and friend of the family.

It started as a result of her husband taking a long time IHO to recover emotionally and physically from an accident. We're not sure if her husband ever knew about it. But it was my father who made a joke about it in front of my niece. And my mother was really angry. I don't father ever learned discretion.

The husband went on to have an affair of his own. She tried to get him to stop. then she contemplated an open marriage. I think she discovered that the social circles that she was in were not accepting of that.

(just as an aside here, I think after a certain age, a person who is perpetually on the prowl looks very unattractive.)

I don't know if he ever gave up his mistress. She is now a widow. I think what's important here is that my sister and she went through thick and thin during med school, so there was a strong bond between them. But even my sister said at one point she was losing respect for her friend.

If I were ever in a social circle where there was a woman whom I know is having an affair, I would definitely keep my husband from here. I would imagine that they are uber flirtatious and very disrespectful of women in general.
 
#58 · (Edited)
I don't know if he ever gave up his mistress. She is now a widow. I think what's important here is that my sister and she went through thick and thin during med school, so there was a strong bond between them. But even my sister said at one point she was losing respect for her friend.
That makes sense - if their spouse can not trust them how can you? Its as if being disloyal can somehow be contained solely to ones spouse. Yeah right. If someone has a cheater as a BFF you really have to wonder can I ever trust them again?? Unless both BFFs are cheaters - then it will probably be a mutual admiration society.
 
#69 ·
This type of media coverage only serves to glamorize cheating in my opinion. No consequences discussed for their infidelity.

___________________________________


?I Don?t Regret Cheating On My Partner?Here?s Why?


Six women explain why they feel zero guilt.

By Jen Glantz March 2, 2017

With the exception of the hot fling you plan to have with Leo DiCaprio when the opportunity presents itself, you might assume that cheating on your partner would leave you feeling pretty bad (to say the least).

But some ladies get busy with other people, have zero regrets, and live to tell about it. And because this is a judgment-free zone, we asked women who've done just that to share their stories.

Here's their take on cheating without regrets.

"I got married at 24 to a person I didn't love but settled for because everyone was putting pressure on me to tie the knot. My family told me that I should focus on marriage instead of a career. And my friends were almost all married (we're from the south and that is just what people do). Our marriage was dead on arrival, and we just clung to each other because we didn't know what else to do. Three years in, I met someone else at work, and we had an affair. My husband found out and it was the catalyst that helped us both go on with our lives without each other." ?Sherry D., 34

"I don't regret cheating because I didn't love the person I cheated with. I slept with a guy I met out one night at a club in Miami when I was celebrating a girlfriend?s birthday. In my eyes, it wasn't a big deal because there wasn't an emotional connection. It was just sex. If I loved him, then I would be cheating with more than just my body. I?ve been married for four years, and I truly love my husband. I don't plan on telling him because I don?t want to ruin our marriage over a person I don?t care about at all." ?Raquel D., 31

"What comes around goes around. I found out my husband was cheating with a neighbor, so I cheated back. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. When my husband walked in on us, he was shocked. I saw him cry, but it felt good to get him back for the pain he caused me. Obviously, we ended up getting a divorce, and I was fine with that." ?Luciana F., 41

"My husband and I hadn't slept together in two years. I needed sex. So I slept with a stranger. Cheating actually helped me realize that I needed to do something about our sex issues. I never told my husband about the affair, but I decided it was time to go to couples therapy and sort out our lack of sex. After going to therapy, we started trying new things in bed and making it a priority to have alone time together. Our relationship has never been stronger. I don't regret cheating because I feel like I had to do it for us to get to the place we are at now." ?Erin D., 31

"I was tired of being a stay-at-home mom who wasn't treated well by her husband. My husband never called me beautiful and practically ignored me. I ended up secretly dating a guy that lived in the neighborhood and was recently divorced. It was my adventure, and it made me feel good about myself. The side guy knew about my husband and didn?t care. He wanted a girlfriend without all the attachment that came with it, so it was a mutual agreement. When my husband walked in on us one afternoon, he screamed that he wanted a divorce and I was okay with that." ?Charlene W., 45

"You don't know what you are missing when the only guy you've slept with is your husband. Sleeping with other people expanded my horizons in the bedroom. I had two affairs in the same year actually! The first one was with a trainer at my gym and it ended when he moved. The second started only two months after that with a guy at work. He was the IT guy, and we hit it off. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I was in his bed. That one ended when I quit my job and I lost the thrill of sneaking around at work. I don't regret it, and my husband still has no idea." ?Debby L., 28
 
#81 ·
Here is another one. Ever notice it's the most progressive websites that have articles like this? I wonder why this is? I would be scared to death to date a progressive 3rd wave feminist because the entitlement in these articles are palpable. No one ever calls them out either, it's like they don't have any honor at all. Truth and loyalty seem like foreign concepts.

Seriously what is the justifications for this article being in the advice column?
 
#83 ·
@sokillme - an often overlooked fact - cheaters just dont betray their spouse but their whole family especially their kids. They take an intact family structure and put it in grave danger for some ego kibbles and some strange. How many people tear apart families to be "happy"? How selfish can you be?
 
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#94 ·
There is a lot of blameshifting go on in that article I agree. It is also interesting to me that different people can have the same background but chose different paths. It comes down to character IMO.
 
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