I have been noticing that I see things a lot different than before. I judge people as cheaters or not by watching thier interactions with opposite sex. Look for red flags in other people. For example friends wives. Sometimes I want to tell my friends that they had better do something or they'll be the next bs. I judge marriages by watching couples in malls or resterants. Everything just seems a little different. Like I'm seeing the world how it is and not what I thought it was. Any other BS or even DS notice anything like this?
Yes, I do this too. I go to a party and think, "About half of the people in here have already cheated on their spouse or will". I watch how couples interact and behave towards each other, often thinking "It's only a matter of time".
I think my H (the DS) worries he's turned me into this jaded cynical person when I used to be the one who believed in HEAs. But he sees the world differently now too, but this is a good thing. He's much more aware of boundaries and when they're being crossed. Now at his new job he's leery of female co-workers who might appear to give him any extra attention, he keeps it professional and avoids getting into personal discussions.
I still equate it to the Matrix and the red/blue pill. Once you've taken the red pill you awake to a whole new world.
I like the matrix idea. There really is no way to go back. We see the world different now and I guess In some ways that's a good thing. My wife and I are both
a lot more conscience of our boundarys than we were before.
I was always pretty good at setting up boundaries but to be fair I work in a male dominated industry and have never really had any day-day contact with any other women since I got married so opportunities for crossing lines are not there. My wife is a beautiful woman thats works in a very male dominated industry and has to deal with temptation daily. We tell each other everything now. Even if we are unsure if a boundary is being crossed or not.
Just the other day I went into a specialty store to buy something and an ex girlfriend assisted me in finding something that I needed. She offered me help and we only talked about what I was buying. I felt uncomfortable the whole time and pretty much ran out of there. Even though I have never been unfaithful to my wife I was worried that someone would see me talking to my ex and tell my wife. I told her about this as soon as I got home.
Before my wifes affair I would not have thought twice about talking to an ex about anything because " I deserve to be trusted". Now I am conscious of every little action. Posted via Mobile Device
Well, I started being more observant. Sometime, my spouse comments. It will be like that, I say to myself.
You start observing things which you considered immaterial, irrelevant, or insignificant. Now, you put a torch on them. You now understand the meaning of supposedly innocuous, innocent sayings. They know that now you are being more observant. They may even say, your innocence is gone. But they fail to understand that they breached the fundamental thing to the marriage - TRUST.
Same here. I don't really observe strangers that much, but I've become more intolerant of people who I know have had affairs and are unremorseful, or are skirting the line with their flirtatiousness. I also find myself wanting to warn friends (even acquaintances) who are too trusting of their hubbies and wives that I see are way too "blind" about the dangers of inappropriate friendships. I want to scream RUN at them.
I especially feel like telling my H's co-workers (not that I would do it) about the affair, mostly because the OW still has friends there (mostly guys) who are all in relationships (married and engaged) and I think she might start latching on them since my H has made himself unavailable.
Angryandused is right... the innocence is gone. And the trust that was broken, it's not just the trust in marriage but in humankind. If the one person we trust the most can mess up this way, how more the countless people we don't know. I hope I don't end up this cynical all my life!
What a harsh reality it is, the realisation that,as human beings we value the qualities of Loyalty honesty, fidelity and trust, only to realise how fragile they really are and for qualities so fragile, how much destruction and grief occurs when any of them suffer a breach.
Once upon a time, we lived in a post-war country overseas due to hubby's work. Lots of local girls available and willing to do ANYTHING for a pair of Levi's jeans. It still amazes and sickens me to this day how fast people will abandon their vows, their morals and values once removed from their own society and thrown into a situation where the supply of young willing girls outweights the demand tenfold and your spouse can't catch you indulging in the wares offered at discount prices. There were those of hubby's co-workers were I knew immadiately they would cheat and of course they did. But there were also those whose wives would come visit and their marriage seemed to be great and you'd never think anything could come between them - but it did anyway. They divorced and he married a local girl half his age.
This was over 10 years ago and looking at the bigger picture today, it was one of the most shocking and sobering experiences in my life. One day I was at a store with my husband and there was this young girl, probably not older than 14, eye flirting with my husband, staring right at his package, me standing right next to him. All that mattered to her was that she had goods to offer and she saw a likely customer, never mind me standing right next to him. Our landlord's daugther did the same, while trying to be my friend at the same time. We moved out shortly after I had a not so pleasant talk with her. A modern day Sodom and Gomorra. There's nothing that didn't happen there, nothing. Rape, adultery, prostitution, human trafficking, photo graphed, video taped and bragged about. None of the cheaters did what they did because they had problems in their marriage. They did it because they could, the circumstances were perfect. Like a bunch of animals.
I do not see the world differently after having cheated myself. I see the world as it always has been. Everyone has a price under the right circumstances - EVERYONE!