Hey Missy! I'm not the only one who has noticed your controling nature! So get it right and quit being a *****! It's amazing how many people on here don't read everything, they seem to skip a lot of things!
For one thing, you said you both were back together........
Secondly, it sounds awfully like blameshifting and justifing you having an affair to me.
And Lastly, I wasn't even speaking to you in my last posting........................................... ....................
But since I am speaking to you now, some people think I'm harsh to you, Even a Bastard, PLEASE! I'm nothing to deal with compared to your husband, at least not now anyway.
Are you done yet? so now I'm controling??? you people do not know me well enough to make such a harsh judgement. I have had no control my entire marriage. I met with the MC the other day, and he has serious concerns for me. This affair has brought out a major issue in my marriage that I had no idea was happening, I thought I was crazy, effed up etc.
The pride is not pride at all, it's my anger over what has happened over the years. I tried to fix it with fu&king trips, with comfort, many things, it never worked. How could people think I didn't give my husband what he needed before my affair??? I tried for 25 years to make it work all while I was told it was my fault, I could do nothing right, he'd tell me "you were nothing when I met you, and you're still nothing", I heard that so many times I tuned it out. Being called a d&uch, ****, who%re in front of my kids for a year. But no, I can't talk about that here, I'm a cheater right? I have no morals, I'm the controling abusive one. yeah, I effed up big time with the affair, and have always said that here and to my husband, he agrees I feel bad or guilty, but he just kept telling me that I don't show enough remorse. What about the remorse for the way I was treated like a dog. I never got a "sorry" out of him. The way he manipulated me from the age of 18 when I did not know better, and was meek and mild the way he wanted me. I got older more independent, he hated it, I had friends, he detested the fact that people would like me. He was jealous that I went to a prestigious university, so he followed and did the same. Except he laughed at my marks, made me feel like a B was awful.
MC will meet with him tomorrow, it's really no use. Counselor told me that if my H.'s beh. doesnt start to change immed. he has to leave. I talked to H. about his behaviour for many years, "stop getting so angry at me", he couldn't stop. When he almost had a fist fight with my older son a few weeks ago, I cringed, I could do nothing but tell my son to walk away.
So I shared this with H. gave him examples from our past, asked him if he remember when I went away that summer and came back, my friend hugged me first, he was livid with me for allowing her to do that. I told him that I hugged you and kissed you right after, she just happened to run up to me first. I told him some of what the counselor said, he said "don't worry, I'm leaving, and I'm releived". It's like what I had just told him was nothing.
So, I have always realized I made the worst decision in my life when I had the affair. If only I had ended my marriage before, but i did not know what was wrong, I had no label for it. I felt stuck, always pulled back in somehow. Everything would be turned around to make it look like it was me, I had to fix myself. I thought he had a temper, anger issues, and with time and age it would fade. I feel horrible that he is even worse than before, more angry, more name calling, and without consideration that his children hear this. And that's all on me.
So he left two days ago, and the house does feel different. He signed a lease at an apartment, told me he can't give any money for the kids for a few months while he settles in. I'm like fine, I'll manage.
You can call me a troll, or that I'm placing blame on my husband for the affair I had. It doesn't matter any more, it's over, and both of us will have peace of mind.
I don't need people to make any comments really, but I felt the need to at least explain a few things. And I'm really not in any mood for hateful comments.
welcome to the jungle
Thank you for writing this. It shone light on a lot of unanswered questions and really gave me a different perception of you (in a good way)
Thank you for writing this. It shone light on a lot of unanswered questions and really gave me a different perception of you (in a good way)
It's strange she didn't think it was pertinent to inform us of this beforehand, however, it still wouldn't have had any merit to her actions, it just would have provided more of what happened up to the affair.
It's strange she didn't think it was pertinent to inform us of this beforehand, however, it still wouldn't have had any merit to her actions, it just would have provided more of what happened up to the affair.
Vader, even if she did mention it, people wouldn't have given her chance and would've dismissed it as blameshifting. It's important to understand the background to these things so people wouldn't be quick to make character assassinations. Initially I thought she had the stereotypical excuse of "my husband didn't give me attention blah blah blah" but what she's written now has given me a completely different understanding of their relationship. The affair isn't the be all, end all of working.
The similar thing is happening in the Devastated's thread too. Whether it is blame shifting or not, we need to hear both sides of the story. We are never going to get a complete and perfect picture
Working, the other day you were just going on how much you love him. Maybe these highs and lows that are usual roller coaster aftermath of an affair
The similar thing is happening in the Devastated's thread too. Whether it is blame shifting or not, we need to hear both sides of the story. We are never going to get a complete and perfect picture
Working, the other day you were just going on how much you love him. Maybe these highs and lows that are usual roller coaster aftermath of an affair
I remember saying how much I loved him, and I do, I guess I would see some little sign that it would get better between us, and I was trying to think about all the good times.
The really sick thing that should have been a red flag for me, but since I cheated I felt like I deserved it. The first time we had sex after R. during sex he was agressive and said "did you like f*cking Om, did it feel like this", I was afraid to stop him thinking he would feel rejected, I just turned my head away from his face. I thought it might have been a normal reaction.
The one good thing is that I'm pretty damn smart, and get up pretty fast when I fall. I've got a lot of making up with my two smaller kids, they've been exposed to so much, and I should have known better as a social worker, but now they have my undivided attention. I'm no longer kept hostage at the kitchen table for hours on end.
Looks like pent up anger and resentment for all the stuff he put you through R(while giving up easily ?)
Not sure what you're saying? who gave up easily, if it's him, yeah, he basically told me a few days ago "I don't love you anymore, and I'm relieved it's over".
He's confronting therapist tomorrow about what I told him.
Weirdly enough since I told hubby that I thought he was e/a, he has been stone quiet, nothing, almost silence on his end.
Warlock and all. This is a lost cause. Working is not now nor has she ever been remorseful, nor was her coming to TAM an honest attempt to reconcile or rebuild her marriage, but a bogus attempt to get justification.. I just took some time and went back over her threads and one thing struck me immediately. Whenever anyone calls her on her pride issue or about her choosing the OM over her husband, she always becomes angry and defensive. The question I have, is who has the anger issues here, her husband or her? In most of her posts, she will show her true passive-aggressive agenda, " yes I cheated, but my husband did this or that", and she will bring up her husband's bad relationships with her kids (we only have her word for any of this), etc. Showing that she is really a wonderful person, who was forced into the affair as a last resort because of her husband's abusive behavior. Again, we only have her word for this. I was right in her first post, she is still an arrogant, passive-aggressive, manipulating person, who will NEVER be truly sorry for her actions, because she will always be able to justify them to herself. I will post no more on her threads. Good luck to her.
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Re: When Triggers Spiral Out of Control.... 
