Originally Posted by working_together View Post
Where did I ever say i was sexually abused????? When my parents separated my father took physcial custody (no arrangement was made)from my mother, and refused to give me back to her for 9 months. I was 9 hours away, and did not see my mother. During this time my sister was born, I only met her when she was about 6 months old. I didn't feel like going into the whole story about my parents custody issues.
Seriously, am I on the stand here? if you don't believe me, why are you reading my posts, are you trying to convince others? Listen, people will come up with their own conclusions, no need to do it for them.
Why didn't I mention that my H. was verbally/emotionally abusive long before my affair? hmmmm, let me think about that, I'm thinking it's because people wouldn't believe me, or they would think I was blame shifting etc. During the last year, obviously it was out of control, so I noticed a lot of things, before that it was more subtle. I think I've given enough examples of my 25 relationship to give the idea that something was very wrong with his behavior. Yeah, I got reactive sometimes, got fed up, did some yelling of my own. I wasn't the best wife by all means, but did I deserve his treatment? Yeah, I couldn't take his snoring, he slept on the couch a lot. But when we R. I told him I would leave the room and sleep on the couch. He was livid every time I left the room, he expected me to sleep with the snoring, he did not want to wear the c-pap machine (and I don't blame him really). He had a lot of resentment towards me for having to sleep on the couch a lot, but it didn't interfere with the intimacy so I thought it wasn't as bad. I tried to sleep in the same bed, put ear plugs in, then as a last resort went to the sofa. I didn't keep a clean enough house for him (his mother was a neat freak, she even ironed face cloths). I'm neat, but I like a lived in house as well. He would be on my ass all the time about dishes, kids toys around, or laundry not put away. The kids love making forts in the living-room with blankets and sofa cusions, he hated this, and I'd argue and say "let them have fun, we'll clean it up later", sometimes he'd let it go, other times he'd rage about it. We were starting to teach them to pick up on their own, not easy though. My thing was do some tidying during the day, and most of it at night when kids were sleeping. He didn't agree with that, and basically ran after them to pick up. He'd sweep the floor about 3-4 times a day, it drove me crazy. I vaccumed every day because he hated things sticking to his feet. He'd come home after work and sweep after I already vaccumed during the day. All I ever said was "I already cleaned the floors" He always had clothes to wear unless I was sick. It's not like he was neglected or lived in filth. It felt like I would never measure up to his expectations. It was very frustrating for both of us, I tried to meet him in the middle at times, other times I said to hell with it, it doesn't make a difference. It's like we were complete opposites in every way.
The pride issue? I'm not 100 percent sure, I think I knew that my husband would never forgive me, and never let go of the anger, hate he had towards me for the affair. It would let up here and there, and then return. The other aspect was that I knew my marriage was done years ago, I could never make him happy, and we both had a lot of resentments. So yeah, exit affair sounds about right. I also had this fantasy that upon R our marriage would change and become better. Even without the affair issue, there were so many other issues between us. I just kept thinking things would change, it got to the point where my kids were hearing so many things, they didn't necessariy understand all of it, but I'm sure my daughter understood more than she lets on, she does not easily talk about emotions, but expresses frustration quite often. My husband would say she is just moody, but there's more to it I realize. I blame my self for a lot, I feel I have ruined my daughter, all because of my wishful thinking and my inability to just end the marriage. I live with that.
I think that after a few weeks of yelling during the beginning of R. we should have taken a break. He still had his apartment. He told me once he regretted that as well.
Yes, my husband was a good man in many ways, he was always generous, and would give the shirt off his back to anyone. Supportive? not so much, did you not read where he laughed at my B's in University? that really stung for me, coming home with his exams and papers throwing it my face and saying "what did you get on that paper'? (we took the same program) He'd say "I got an A, and hardly worked for it". That went on for three years, I said not one word. It made me feel stupid ya know? But he had this need to feel good about himself, and would constantly put me down to bring himself up. I praised him quite often, told him what a great worker he was, told him he was a great father (except for older son), I told him he changed a lot for the two younger children, became more involved in parenting etc. I neglected to tell him enough that he was sexy or attractive ,etc. I realize now he needed to hear that. I told him when he lost weight how good he looked, but he didn't believe me, he'd say he felt fat still. He was never fat, a bit of a stomach maybe. I bugged him sometimes when he'd complain, I'd say to him that he's eating too much chocolate. I thought it was constructive, but he took it as critisism, why complain then.
What were the other questions I never answered? I feel like everyone knows my life, I've had to reveal everything just so it doesn't look like I'm lying.
I came to this forum with the intension of having BS understand what the WS is all about, I thought maybe I could help other BS understand what crazy stuff goes on with us. I wanted people to understand that we're not all run arounds, party girls, we didn't all have a promiscious youth. I wanted to clear the name of some of the good people that made a horrible choice in their life, and destroyed their spouse.
And btw Bad, you've said a lot of mean things to me, and I have never responded to any of them, I don't think you have ever been fair. We can agree to disagree, but please refrain from berating me, and making me look like a liar.
I asked about the sex issue, I never said that you were sexually abused. Re-read my post. I have never been "mean", to you, in any way. When you lie, I call it. When you are passive-aggressive, I call it. When you are fabricating a story, I call it. Don't do those things, and I won't call them.