He is leaving the rest of the week

sunflower · 01-29-2009, 02:16 PM

Well Jelousy is thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and axiety that comes when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatend. I dont see how you cant see how a person will get jelous expecially in our situation. She was a threat I believe. If he was willing to put everything we had on the line to do that with her isnt that a threat?

MarkTwain · 01-29-2009, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflower

If he was willing to put everything we had on the line to do that with her isnt that a threat?

In what way was he putting everything on the line? Explain that, and you will see what I am getting at.

sunflower · 01-29-2009, 04:12 PM

Well I think that when you kiss another and touch them in that way thats pretty bad dont you? If your wife did that wouldnt you be upset? even if it was "awkward" and isnt that risking our marriage by steping out?

MarkTwain · 01-29-2009, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflower

Well I think that when you kiss another and touch them in that way thats pretty bad dont you? If your wife did that wouldnt you be upset? even if it was "awkward" and isnt that risking our marriage by steping out?

I will come back and answer this later, but you did not really answer my exact question. Tell me exactly how his actions put everything on the line. Tell me the mechanism for how that could happen.

sunflower · 01-29-2009, 04:30 PM

Ok so before all this crap happend he would tell me all the time "oh if you ever cheat on me even so much as a kiss I am gone" So him preaching this all the time then us both agreeing that it would be a big problem that if something like that ever happend then its over. Because when you love someone you dont go kissing someone else to figure out if you should stay or not right? I dont get why he would do that expecially after the first time it happend and he was crying saying I was going to divorce him. Then he HE does it the next time? He knew he was doing something wrong and did again. Its like me going and playing strip poker again with his friends? Anytime you cheat on your spouse its a 50/50 of stay or go right?

MarkTwain · 01-30-2009, 04:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflower

Anytime you cheat on your spouse its a 50/50 of stay or go right?

That's a good point you make.

But what I'm really asking you, is to describe why his actions put the relationship on the line in your eyes? Tell me how jealousy makes you feel. Tell my how you feel at the thought of him kissing someone else and enjoying it.

I'm asking because at the moment, you are the one putting everything on the line - he wanted to move on. You want to move on but you can't - we all get that. So answer my question as I have re-phrased it above.

sunflower · 01-30-2009, 10:53 AM

Well in my eyes its cheating and by him going and kissing another women thats crossing the line and expecially when it was my best friend. It hurt me worst. Kissing is something thats intimate to me I think that when you kiss someone its personal I dont know if that rings true for men? But by him doing that I felt as if he didnt want me anymore he was going after another women. I felt discarded. and yes that makes me jelouse of course I felt threatend I know that she doesnt want him but the thought of him wanting another women kills me. And expecially if he enjoyed it that makes me feel like I am not good enough.

MarkTwain · 01-30-2009, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflower

But by him doing that I felt as if he didnt want me anymore he was going after another women. I felt discarded. and yes that makes me jelouse of course I felt threatend I know that she doesnt want him but the thought of him wanting another women kills me. And expecially if he enjoyed it that makes me feel like I am not good enough.

So who does he want?
And...
Are you good enough?

sunflower · 01-30-2009, 11:54 AM

Well I guess I will really never know the truth of who he wants? Cause I dont know if you have read all my threads or not. But how its all happend is kinda weird. He was asking her if she had feelings and she made it clear she didnt but he still wanted to kiss her so they did and at that time he was rubbing her A$$ and if you ask me that wanting someone. I dont know it hurts really bad it does. And then seeing pictures through out the year of them us me its hard at one party we had for his friend we are all posed as a group and he has his face right up to hers? I think that I am a good enough person I do think I am a good person. I am good enough why didnt he see that?

MarkTwain · 01-30-2009, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflower

He was asking her if she had feelings
.
.

I am good enough why didnt he see that?

What you are saying makes perfect sense, but there is only one problem: My questions were phrased in the present tense. You are talking about the past.

So let me ask again:

So who does he want? (now)
And...
Are you good enough? (now)

sunflower · 01-30-2009, 01:16 PM

Well thats just the thing its the present now ok so why did he choose to stay with me cause she said no? Thats what I am struggling with that is rejection in my eyes. I feel like a loser. And I couldnt tell you if I am good enouph now cause he is with me now but sometimes I dont know if he is "with me" I dont know its really complicated. And he cant see that.

MarkTwain · 01-30-2009, 01:27 PM

OK.

Now we are getting somewhere, thank you

So we have 3 things going round and round in your mind:

1)He might be staying with you only because she does not want him.
2)You feel like a loser.
3)He is with you, but you are not sure how into you he is.

Is this a fair summary?

sunflower · 01-30-2009, 03:07 PM

Yes there you go! exactly there you go so ya thats me in a nut shell on this entire situation.

MarkTwain · 01-30-2009, 03:46 PM

OK, so out of those 3 statements, can you pick the one that is least likely to be true. The one that is probably just you worrying about nothing. Can you do that?

Tell you what, if you can't do it, ask that pretty little kid in your avatar to help you, she will know

sunflower · 01-30-2009, 03:55 PM

My Morgan! Ya my kids are my saving grace in all this I couldnt have made it through all my emotions without them! But I know what you are saying that I should just pick it and go with it. Its hard though have you ever been in my position where you have to say ok its this or this? and just accept that it could be bad. I have been amazing with my husband I am playing nice I do most my venting on here now. I know he cant handle it sometimes I cant handle it either! Its funny cause I was thinking wow if I could go back in time would I change anything. Probably not. I think that all that has happend to us has opened our eyes. The only bad thing is we have lost alot of people in our lives and we feel like its just us.