A Story of Karma. - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 13Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 09:47 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 87
A Story of Karma.

There is more to my story. Isn't there always? I need to confess. Apologies for being long winded.

For those of you who didn't read my situation, I will summarize: mid thirties, no kids, 3 d-days, husband admits to EAs, gaslights and gets angry at me. Currently navigating a D. My husband was the most beautiful soul I had ever known. Lies. He's a stranger now. I'm crushed.

Anyway. Back when I was 23, I was the other woman. I met a guy who was contracted to do some work at my office. He was 33, married with a kid. I was fresh out of school, still a little wild. Still living life in party mode. I think this appealed to him. I was younger, wilder, more free than his wife... obviously, I had no responsibility! He approached me. We hit it off. It was so easy for him. He told me he and his wife were separating. I bought it. I ate up his attention and always rationalized that it was HIS choice to be unfaithful. We texted constantly. We had sex in hotels. It went on for three years or maybe a bit more. No matter how many times both of us tried to stop it.

About two years in I got an email from him saying his wife was due to have a baby that week. They weren't separating after all. She was pregnant. That was one of the times he tried to cut it off with me. He came crawling back shortly there after, I allowed it.

At the time I didn't understand the magnitude of what I had done. I do now. While I still place the majority of the blame on his shoulders, I now see what a piece of **** I was. I'm so sorry.

After everything I've been through with my husband I have been thinking about him and his whole family with so much regret. I Googled him. You guys, he's dead. Of a heart attack in his mid 40s. Two kids. A wife who has already been through so much (she had found out about me)... and now this. I can't wrap my head around it.

I guess what I wanted to get through to every WS and BS out there is that I've seen both sides. I know how easy it is to get sucked into a fantasy. But everything is a choice. And life is short - what will you choose to do with your years? Will you choose to love those devoted to you fiercely with all your heart? Or will you choose to crush someone's spirit?

Karma works in funny ways. Did I deserve what my husband did to me? I hope not, but maybe so. I don't have it in me to cheat, I know that. But maybe what I did in my youth was worse. I'm sorry

Pixel is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 10:33 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,887
Re: A Story of Karma.

I don't believe in karma, but i am sure you know how messed up that was. I am a believer you can wipe your guilt slate clean with a new person, given you were contrite before.
Herschel is online now  
post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 01:10 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,689
Re: A Story of Karma.

I too do not believe in karma. One of the main reasons I don't believe in it is that I've knows some pretty awful people who seem to be Teflon. Karma never seems to visit them.

You did something wrong when you were young. Since then you have learned and have changed. I don't know if you are religious. But the story of Mary Magdalene goes to mind... he how has not sinned throw the first stone. And go forth and don't sin again. These are two very important messages. Repentance and redemption are very important. If they did not exist, we would all probably just give up.

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is offline  
 
post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 03:21 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,760
Re: A Story of Karma.

Pixel, that part of your life is past, and I trust (and can see) you're a much wiser woman than you were then.

Just one thought comes to mind. You learned two years in that his wife was pregnant, but he'd told you from the start they were having problems. Did you not think something was fishy when in two years he had not left her?

I don't know if I fully believe in Karma, I certainly want to, but like @EleGirl, I've known too many horrible people who seemed to get off scott-free.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is offline  
post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 03:37 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: England
Posts: 30
Re: A Story of Karma.

Karma is superstitious nonsense. Right now, be the best person you can be.
twoofus is offline  
post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 03:45 PM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 3,190
Re: A Story of Karma.

I don't believe in Karma but I do believe that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Sometimes I have seen what goes around comes around, I guess karma is a sort of 'you reap what you sow.'
aine is offline  
post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 04:09 PM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 2,416
Re: A Story of Karma.

I don't believe in Karma, but I do believe in God and I believe that everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Usually to teach us, to help us grow, to give us a chance to be better before our time on Earth is up. Sounds like your experiences made you wiser, deeper, more empathetic and compassionate, maybe even more introspective. So, it is done and now you move on, free.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is online now  
post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 04:55 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Emerging Buddhist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: World-wide
Posts: 1,451
Re: A Story of Karma.

Karma is a lesson in understanding, not punishment... it is meant to serve awareness by example of the same experiences you give more than anything.

It doesn't exist by anyone else's schedules, it doesn't fit anyone else's agenda.

Good things can happen to bad people just as bad things can happen to good people, Karma is not a theory of justice nor do I believe it as such, it simply does not explain everything and it was not intended to as I have come to experience and understand it.

A natural and mostly cause and effect does not feed Karma, such as poor behaviors for public laws and such, it is the intentions you have that create memories of the mistakes we made that impact us over the years and feed us regret time and time again... suffer for it, that is Karma, and one can in time transcend the offense to another by having learned empathy, knowing the pain, wishing to never inflict it on another, then taking steps to be sure to hold true to the path and eventually forgiving yourself once the truth on that path is proven.

Karma is the worlds most accurate mirror... live that reflection well.

I guess you could say I do believe in it...

.ps

If you have the understanding you need to be better, time to forgive yourself.

नमस्ते 🙏
Emerging Buddhist is offline  
post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 05:45 PM
Forum Supporter
 
TX-SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,655
Re: A Story of Karma.

I was the OM when I was in college. I felt horrible afterwards. I know she and her husband are still happily married. I have no idea if he ever found out. Karma got me when my fiancée cheated on me. Luckily, my relationship with my wife has never suffered from cheating.

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
TX-SC is offline  
post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 05:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,265
Re: A Story of Karma.

In my mind karma is not, you do something and the same thing will one day happen to you. Karma really is just, choices have consequences, they may not come right away but they are coming.

Karma in this case is the extra guilt has been added to the whole thing. You don't just have to deal with sadness but on top of that guilt. The sadness is hard enough, but your actions left you exposed to feeling worse. Whether you think you would cheat or not, you were a part of cheating and causing that women pain, it's good that you feel bad about that, it shows growth of character.


Last edited by sokillme; 06-20-2017 at 10:53 AM.
sokillme is offline  
post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 06:55 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 852
Re: A Story of Karma.

Wow pixel. This took courage to confess.

I don't believe in karma, but now you know and realize the harm you caused and the pain of being on the receiving end off it.

Bottom line cheating destroys lives.
ABHale is offline  
post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 07:02 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: California
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
I too do not believe in karma. One of the main reasons I don't believe in it is that I've knows some pretty awful people who seem to be Teflon. Karma never seems to visit them.

You did something wrong when you were young. Since then you have learned and have changed. I don't know if you are religious. But the story of Mary Magdalene goes to mind... he how has not sinned throw the first stone. And go forth and don't sin again. These are two very important messages. Repentance and redemption are very important. If they did not exist, we would all probably just give up.
Very true. I am not religious but these themes where the reason I took my kids to church.
Stang197 is offline  
post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 08:25 PM
Member
 
Broken at 20's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 708
Re: A Story of Karma.

I took the brakes out of the Karma bus for the man who fathered me and helped my mom carry out an affair.

I knew dad's boss at my old job. So one night when I was out with the old boss at a client dinner (and dad wasn't there because he was a low-level guy), I talked with him, and maybe said a few things that got my dad fired.

After losing his job, my dad also lost whatever hell-hole he was living in. He called me several times, and left me a message, begging for help. He lost his job, his place to live, and just begged me for help. I simply laughed and hung up the phone. I still have no remorse about it either.
I occasionally like to listen to the voicemail he left me. It helps remind me that karma is out there, like a tiger in the jungle, just waiting to pounce.
Broken at 20 is offline  
post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 09:52 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Emerging Buddhist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: World-wide
Posts: 1,451
Re: A Story of Karma.

That doesn't sound like Karma... are you sure that isn't revenge?

नमस्ते 🙏
Emerging Buddhist is offline  
post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 10:48 PM
Member
 
Broken at 20's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 708
Re: A Story of Karma.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emerging Buddhist View Post
That doesn't sound like Karma... are you sure that isn't revenge?

What's the difference between Karma and revenge?

In Karma, some 3rd party hits someone with a hammer.
In revenge, someone directly involved hits the wrong-doer with a hammer.

Him losing his job was revenge.
Him losing his place of living, and begging me to move in? That was karma.

My biggest regret in this story is that I couldn't tell the man who raised me. I would like to think he would be pleased to hear everything that happened.
Broken at 20 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Story of caution to Betrayed Spouses threelittlestars Coping with Infidelity 38 05-08-2017 03:58 PM
Let's write a story together... *Deidre* The Social Spot 23 09-21-2016 11:11 PM
I need help. Long story. DarkDefender07 Coping with Infidelity 0 05-20-2014 11:51 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome