There is more to my story. Isn't there always? I need to confess. Apologies for being long winded.
For those of you who didn't read my situation, I will summarize: mid thirties, no kids, 3 d-days, husband admits to EAs, gaslights and gets angry at me. Currently navigating a D. My husband was the most beautiful soul I had ever known. Lies. He's a stranger now. I'm crushed.
Anyway. Back when I was 23, I was the other woman. I met a guy who was contracted to do some work at my office. He was 33, married with a kid. I was fresh out of school, still a little wild. Still living life in party mode. I think this appealed to him. I was younger, wilder, more free than his wife... obviously, I had no responsibility! He approached me. We hit it off. It was so easy for him. He told me he and his wife were separating. I bought it. I ate up his attention and always rationalized that it was HIS choice to be unfaithful. We texted constantly. We had sex in hotels. It went on for three years or maybe a bit more. No matter how many times both of us tried to stop it.
About two years in I got an email from him saying his wife was due to have a baby that week. They weren't separating after all. She was pregnant. That was one of the times he tried to cut it off with me. He came crawling back shortly there after, I allowed it.
At the time I didn't understand the magnitude of what I had done. I do now. While I still place the majority of the blame on his shoulders, I now see what a piece of **** I was. I'm so sorry.
After everything I've been through with my husband I have been thinking about him and his whole family with so much regret. I Googled him. You guys, he's dead. Of a heart attack in his mid 40s. Two kids. A wife who has already been through so much (she had found out about me)... and now this. I can't wrap my head around it.
I guess what I wanted to get through to every WS and BS out there is that I've seen both sides. I know how easy it is to get sucked into a fantasy. But everything is a choice. And life is short - what will you choose to do with your years? Will you choose to love those devoted to you fiercely with all your heart? Or will you choose to crush someone's spirit?
Karma works in funny ways. Did I deserve what my husband did to me? I hope not, but maybe so. I don't have it in me to cheat, I know that. But maybe what I did in my youth was worse. I'm sorry