My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 05:42 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

On the 8 April 2017 I found out that my wife was having an affair.
My wife had gone to bed and I was down stairs finishing my beer off. I went up stairs about 45 mins later to go to bed. I saw that my wife was watching a program on her mobile phone, but she had fallen asleep. So I went to turn off her phone and a what's app message came up on the screen, with just 'xxx' on it! Immediately my heart sank and I just knew what was happening. So I looked at her phone in the next door bedroom and open a whole world of ****!
Messages after messages between her and this other man, soul destroying! Also found messages between my wife and her friend. So I took loads of ss of the messages for evidence. I went outside to drink loads of beer and a big fat Cuban cigar to get my head around the situation. At about 0430 my wife comes out to say what the hell was I doing outside, and I said nothing, little be known to me she had looked at her notifications on her phone and the messages were already open, so she knew straight away!!!
The next day was v awkward for both of us, both not knowing that we both knew. When my son went to bed and after an hour when he went to sleep, my wife just said "so how much do you know?" I think you can all guess what happened then!
It's been 2 months now and I've decided to give the marriage another go as does my wife and things have been going great. I'm in the Army and have been away from home for 1 week out of 2, and I'm now starting how am I going to forgive her. **** going through my head is mental. I so want to have sex with her but it disgusts me that someone else has been there. We have started marriage guidence and will have our 2 session on Monday. I'm so confused ATM and don't know which way to turn. We have been together for 18 years, married for 14 and have a 7yo son.

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post #2 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 05:56 PM
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

'Well how much do you know' - what did you say?

Is her boyfriend married?

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post #3 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 06:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

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'Well how much do you know' - what did you say?

Is her boyfriend married?
He boyfriend is married. The relationship had come to an end as he would not leave his wife for mine, says a lot about him. The problem is that my wife works in the same building as him!
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post #4 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 06:17 PM
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

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He boyfriend is married. The relationship had come to an end as he would not leave his wife for mine, says a lot about him. The problem is that my wife works in the same building as him!
Has she offered to find a new job?

Have you told the OM wife?

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post #5 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 06:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

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Has she offered to find a new job?

Have you told the OM wife?

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She is looking for another job ATM.
I'm not telling his wife, I know that he has got naked pictures of my wife! So if I tell his wife then she will leave him and he will have nothing to loose by putting those pics up on social media. The best sort of revenge is to know what I know and he won't know if I'll say anything to his wife, knowledge is Power. I'm going to let him sweat!
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post #6 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 06:27 PM
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She has to find a new job bro. You have to tell the wife. The marriage has to be better for a long time. Then maybe you could forgive. As far as the mind games go. You just have to learn to deal with it. No magic bullet for that.
I felt like I had to cheat back. Didn't help much. She stuck it out through that. This included a pregnancy scare from the other women. That did help me forgive.
So sorry your here. This will be a hard road for you.
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post #7 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 06:38 PM
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

@Cradleoffilth75 so sorry you had to seek us out, but pleased you found us.

You will need to ask your wife about a DNA test on your child.

And a polygraph session using the three questions used by the Jeremy Kyle Show:-

1) Since you married Cradleoffilth75 have you passionately kissed another person?
2) Since you married Cradleoffilth75 have you had any sexual contact with another person other than the one person he knows about?
3) Since you married Cradleoffilth75 have you ever had sexual intercourse with another person other than the one person he knows about?

Counselling, both individual and as a couple is worth investigating.


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post #8 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 06:38 PM
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

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She is looking for another job ATM.
I'm not telling his wife, I know that he has got naked pictures of my wife! So if I tell his wife then she will leave him and he will have nothing to loose by putting those pics up on social media. The best sort of revenge is to know what I know and he won't know if I'll say anything to his wife, knowledge is Power. I'm going to let him sweat!
Should he put the images on social media he is looking at jail time.


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post #9 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 06:44 PM
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

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He boyfriend is married. The relationship had come to an end as he would not leave his wife for mine, says a lot about him. The problem is that my wife works in the same building as him!
What makes you think think the affair has ended? Because she told you? And in fact if the affair has indeed ended because he would not leave his wife does that not imply your wife was ready to run away with him and leave you? You ok with being plan B?
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post #10 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 06:56 PM
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Quote:
She is looking for another job ATM.
I'm not telling his wife, I know that he has got naked pictures of my wife! So if I tell his wife then she will leave him and he will have nothing to loose by putting those pics up on social media. The best sort of revenge is to know what I know and he won't know if I'll say anything to his wife, knowledge is Power. I'm going to let him sweat!
Nope, you don't know what you're dealing with. Other man and your wife will take your lack of actions as a sign of weakness and keep on banging her at will.

Affairs are addictions you get the addict around the source you get relapse. The affair will continue. Just because you found out doesn't mean a thing.

Helping them hide their affair will just enable it further. I've seen this played before and the betrayed always ends up getting burned. Just as you're going to.

At this time your fear is defining you.


Last edited by Marc878; 06-19-2017 at 07:00 PM.
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post #11 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 06:59 PM
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

A few things...

1. Expose the affair to OM's wife ASAP. Doing this will significantly increase your chances of squashing the affair. Plus she has the right to know.

2. Take this as Gospel: for as long as they're working together (or in the same building or whatever), the affair is still on. She gets a new job -- and ASAP -- or you file for divorce.

3. She goes 100% no contact with OM -- immediately and permanently -- or you file for divorce.

4. DNA your kid -- the affair may have been going on for much longer than 3.5 years. Also, this might not be her first affair.

5. Get your hands on as much evidence (back up her phone and extract texts, etc) as you can get and back it up in a couple of different cloud locations.

6. All ^this^ aside, given that your wife was actively trying to get this POS to leave his wife for her, you might as well just go ahead and file.

7. If OM posts nudes of your wife anywhere, he'll be committing not only a civil offense, but a criminal offense as well, so don't let that threat keep you from doing the right thing.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #12 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 07:00 PM
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

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Originally Posted by Cradleoffilth75 View Post
She is looking for another job ATM.
I'm not telling his wife, I know that he has got naked pictures of my wife! So if I tell his wife then she will leave him and he will have nothing to loose by putting those pics up on social media. The best sort of revenge is to know what I know and he won't know if I'll say anything to his wife, knowledge is Power. I'm going to let him sweat!
Your gone too much with your military duties to not tell the om wife. Affairs also have a nasty habit of starting up again. Your much better off having two sets of eyes watching than just yours. She also deserves to know, how would you feel if you found out that people knew what was going on but didn't tell you? The om has pictures of your wife, it sounds harsh but if he sends them to people she is the one who took that risk sending them, your trying to protect her "honor" when she tossed it away.

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post #13 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 07:01 PM
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

Seriously , you are gone every other week. There is nothing stopping your wife from seeing him. She has already shown you she is a cheater and by definition that makes her a liar. You would still have no idea what was going if she had not left her phone be unguarded. Inform his wife discretely as to what happened so she can watch him and see if they are still carrying on.
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post #14 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 07:03 PM
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

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Nope, you don't know what you're dealing with. Other man and your wife will take your lack of actions as a sign of weakness and keep on banging her at will.

Affairs are addictions you get the addict around the source you get relapse. The affair will continue. Just because you found out doesn't mean a thing.

Helping them hide their affair will just enable it further. I've seen this played before and the betrayed always ends up getting burned. Just as you're going to.

At this time your fear is defining you.
Yep.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #15 of 239 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 07:06 PM
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Re: My wife cheated on me for 3.5 years

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Seriously , you are gone every other week. There is nothing stopping your wife from seeing him. She has already shown you she is a cheater and by definition that makes her a liar. You would still have no idea what was going if she had not left her phone be unguarded. Inform his wife discretely as to what happened so she can watch him and see if they are still carrying on.
Yep again.

I wouldn't bother with discretion, though. Call her tomorrow and tell her.

Do it in front of your wife, but don't let her know who you're calling until you're on the phone with her.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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