Long distance EA

Entropy3000 · 02-12-2012, 06:24 PM

I am probably missing something here. I did not see anything in yoiur list of things you did wrong that justify a spouse carrying out an EA.

OKnotokay · 02-12-2012, 08:09 PM

I don't either but my wife (Greys-anatomy) asked me to spell out my failures as a husband so I did.

I own my failures and acknowledge them. lt doesn't make what is happening right but i can't fix her; I can only fix myself.

MSP · 02-12-2012, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greys-anatomy

So sorry this is happening to you.

This is not some inevitable event beyond everyone's control. It's the result of your deliberate actions.

bandit.45 · 02-12-2012, 08:49 PM

Interesting that your wife picks the name of a TV show that glamourizes and promotes infidelity to be her handle.

Quote:

So sorry this is happening to you. Maybe you can acknowledge what you have done on this blog too.

Wow. Tell ya what Greys, you got some brass balls on you gal.

OKnotokay · 02-12-2012, 09:56 PM

She says I see the world in black & white; she sees shades if gray. I don't think she'll be back.

lordmayhem · 02-13-2012, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Entropy3000

I am probably missing something here. I did not see anything in yoiur list of things you did wrong that justify a spouse carrying out an EA.

Also, something as momentus as bringing a new life into this world should have BOTH spouses wanting it, not just one.

lordmayhem · 02-13-2012, 12:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OKnotokay

I don't either but my wife (Greys-anatomy) asked me to spell out my failures as a husband so I did.

I own my failures and acknowledge them. lt doesn't make what is happening right but i can't fix her; I can only fix myself.

Its typical for the WS to want to rationalize and justify their affair so they can feel less guilty about themselves.

OKnotokay · 02-13-2012, 02:18 AM

It takes two to tango - my wife sleeps soundly at night while I lie awake anxious for what the future holds.

If I were talking with a friend I'd say she's made her choice and you're not it. Deal with it.

She's very angry I posted "in a public forum" with what she calls recognizzble details. Oh well - have reread and I stand by what I said & the only way anyone would know who this is would be by knowing the situation already.

bandit.45 · 02-13-2012, 04:19 AM

Your wife is rationalizing everything, that is what unrepentant cheaters do. One day you'll come home and find her closets empty and her gone. Are you willing to wait for that to happen or are you going to take matters into your own hands?

I'm going through this also with my WW. I say let Greys go and be with her online-lover. You need to D her and find a woman who will love and respect you. Greys does not understand committment, only entitlement. None of the items she p*ssywhiped you into listing as reasons for her discontentment justifies what she is doing!

lordmayhem · 02-13-2012, 04:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OKnotokay

She's very angry I posted "in a public forum" with what she calls recognizzble details. Oh well - have reread and I stand by what I said & the only way anyone would know who this is would be by knowing the situation already.

She's full of it. You know it and we know it. She's just trying to keep you on the defensive, hence all the blame shifting she's doing. Not one ounce of regret on her part.

Oh and Greys, if you happen to be reading. You should take a cue from all the other former waywards here. They get it. You need to own it and take responsibility for the affair instead of blaming it on your betrayed husband.

OKnotokay · 02-13-2012, 05:38 AM

Yes, I know it. My WS went into my email and forwarded an email from me to my parents explaining my issues that contributed to why my WS & I were getting divorced (very similar to my recitation a few postings ago). I didn't tell them about the EA or the planned PA. I felt that was too private.

I haven't even told my family about the EA - didn't want to go there because I, foolishly, still held out hope that she would come out of the fog and realize that I was a good man and a good husband and that I was willing to do what it took to make our marriage work.

I was tempted to forward the emails back & forth along with her admission that she planned to have a PA with him but what's the point? Revenge? It's not going to change her.

lordmayhem · 02-13-2012, 06:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OKnotokay

Yes, I know it. My WS went into my email and forwarded an email from me to my parents explaining my issues that contributed to why my WS & I were getting divorced (very similar to my recitation a few postings ago). I didn't tell them about the EA or the planned PA. I felt that was too private.

I haven't even told my family about the EA - didn't want to go there because I, foolishly, still held out hope that she would come out of the fog and realize that I was a good man and a good husband and that I was willing to do what it took to make our marriage work.

I was tempted to forward the emails back & forth along with her admission that she planned to have a PA with him but what's the point? Revenge? It's not going to change her.

Let me get this straight: You're going to allow her to demonize you as a lousy husband to everyone while you take her dirty secrets to the grave? Why? Do you think you're being gallant by falling on your sword?

You have a chance of knocking her out of the fog by exposing the affair and making it inconvenient for her. But if you're rather be a martyr and let her demonize you as a lousy husband, well, that's up to you. She's making you out ot be a chump. Get over this chivalry thing. Why are you protecting her honor? She's feeling no consequences for her actions, and no consequences equals no incentive to change.

OKnotokay · 02-13-2012, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lordmayhem

Let me get this straight: You're going to allow her to demonize you as a lousy husband to everyone while you take her dirty secrets to the grave? Why? Do you think you're being gallant by falling on your sword?

You have a chance of knocking her out of the fog by exposing the affair and making it inconvenient for her. But if you're rather be a martyr and let her demonize you as a lousy husband, well, that's up to you. She's making you out ot be a chump. Get over this chivalry thing. Why are you protecting her honor? She's feeling no consequences for her actions, and no consequences equals no incentive to change.

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Entropy3000 · 02-13-2012, 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OKnotokay

Yes, I know it. My WS went into my email and forwarded an email from me to my parents explaining my issues that contributed to why my WS & I were getting divorced (very similar to my recitation a few postings ago). I didn't tell them about the EA or the planned PA. I felt that was too private.

I haven't even told my family about the EA - didn't want to go there because I, foolishly, still held out hope that she would come out of the fog and realize that I was a good man and a good husband and that I was willing to do what it took to make our marriage work.

I was tempted to forward the emails back & forth along with her admission that she planned to have a PA with him but what's the point? Revenge? It's not going to change her.

Absurd. Foolishness. Muisguided loyalty or I don't know what. Good luck with this. Not revenge at all.

OKnotokay · 02-13-2012, 07:43 AM

It's mutually assured destruction. I don't care what her family thinks of me. I know the truth - I will let the people I care about know when and if the time is right. I have nothing to hide.
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