I'm not naive. Look at all the men here who want to cheat because they don't get sex?
Sure it's about control...but that's because they don't have control at home. They are lacking something and most of the time it's sex. I don't know many wives who do everything for their husband sexually, fulfill his needs for closeness and then get cheated on. Not personally anyway. I don't know what to believe in this forum.
I didn't say it's the only reason, but someone said that people think that men who cheat are dogs and that's not the case...unless they earn that title.
Can't group everyone together. I forgot to put MOST or SOME.
I think the assumption that men cheat because they're not getting it at home, or not getting love and understanding and empathy and everything else at home, is very, very, dangerously naive.
There are lots of reasons for cheating. But in my case, it did come down to just being sick and tired of getting close to nothing at home.
My favorite moment with the woman I had an affair with was the first time we spent the night together, standing together naked, looking out over a fresh fallen snow in the hotel. The sex wasn't my favorite moment (though that was pretty good too!) I was no longer getting those moments like I described, and I'd had enough. And nothing's changed.
You cannot prevent it with a man who has little self control or a minimal conscience.
With a normal/average male you CAN reduce the odds of it happening greatly by:
1. Making sure he feels loved and cared for. This does not mean being a doormat - in fact - that conflicts with (2) below so you have to be able to separate being kind/loving/sexual with being weak.
2. Making sure he respects you and maybe has a healthy fear of you and of what you would do if he ever did THAT.
Early in our marriage we had a short discussion about cheating. My W made a couple very pointed comments and then asked me.
Wife: How much would you say you sleep at night?
Me: Maybe seven hours or so
Wife: What would be your sustainable minimum amount of sleep?
Me: Bare minimum for me to function 6 hours
Wife: (smiling in a way I didn't particularly like) 6 hours is a LONG time to be in a totally vulnerable position right next to someone in bed - don't you think?
Me: (uneasily) Not only wouldn't I cheat, I would go far out of my way to avoid any APPEARANCE that I was thinking about it/doing it
Wife: Probably a good idea
Words to live by....
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Originally Posted by 30Mom
Can cheating be prevented? Is it preventable? Thanks.
Thanks everyone. Sorry but I have no specific details. Just a philsophical question I guess.
It just occured to me that sometimes I feel helpless being in a relationship with another person, in which I have no control over how it will turn out. I guess it's not how it turns out but the journey itself that must be enjoyed, right?
I just wanted to have a general sense of feeling that I'm heading in the right direction and that I'm doing all that I can to prevent my husband from cheating. Then again, perhaps there isn't anything that can be done to prevent someone from cheating. Which then led to my original question of whether cheating can be prevented or not.
I just wanted to have a general sense of feeling that I'm heading in the right direction and that I'm doing all that I can to prevent my husband from cheating. Then again, perhaps there isn't anything that can be done to prevent someone from cheating. Which then led to my original question of whether cheating can be prevented or not.
Great conversation everyone. Thanks!
I'm the designated male pig here, so let me just say that attending to both of your sexual needs should go a long way in keeping your husband faithful. Ignore them at your peril.
Thanks everyone. Sorry but I have no specific details. Just a philsophical question I guess.
It just occured to me that sometimes I feel helpless being in a relationship with another person, in which I have no control over how it will turn out. I guess it's not how it turns out but the journey itself that must be enjoyed, right?
I just wanted to have a general sense of feeling that I'm heading in the right direction and that I'm doing all that I can to prevent my husband from cheating. Then again, perhaps there isn't anything that can be done to prevent someone from cheating. Which then led to my original question of whether cheating can be prevented or not. Great conversation everyone. Thanks!
One thing you CAN do is not to fear or expect him to cheat; don't worry so much about it, it hasn't happened yet!
Many of the other posts nailed it; have fun, do things together, be happy - HAVE SEX - you'll find your way.
yes it can be prevented- you have to constantly work on a relationship to make it work and keep your partner interested in you. Sleeping under the same roof with zero communication and no respect for one another will take a relationship nowhere.
To make a relationship work and ensure that your partner remains faithful what is essential is intimacy. This does not mean just having sex. Spending quality time, communicating, touching, kissing and cuddling will all give her a sense of closeness.
Trust is absolutely essential in a relationship. Your partner is bound to feel let down and betrayed when you break her trust.
You can do many things to help you and your spouse not cheat:
1. Set boundaries regarding other people/friends.
2. Don't go to different-sex friends for advice/comfort.
3. Don't say anything to a friend of opposite sex that you wouldn't say to/around your mate.
4. If you feel those twinges of "twitterpation" with someone, cut the friendship.
5. Don't put yourself in situations where emotions can run high. IE: alone with a "good friend" of the opposite sex.
6. No matter WHAT issues you are having with your mate, never ever ever never EVER say one bad word about your marriage/mate to someone of opposite sex.
7. For support, if you can't go to your mate, go to someone of same sex/family.
8. When upset about/with mate, remind yourself of 3 good things about your mate. This will remind you that the issue at hand can be helped.
9. Don't text/email/contact a friend of opposite sex frequently. There's really no reason. If you DO contact frequently, don't hide it from your spouse. If you find you ARE hiding it, drop the friend and tell mate.
10. Spend time with mate. Good times without discussing relationship. Just have fun and laugh and have GOOD SEX frequently.
^^^ this
and it depends on the person.
Many people who cheat do so because of the type of person they are.
Your point of view is appreciated. But you cannot generalize and say that all men cheat only because of sex
Some men because of their position in a society and the kind of environment in which they have been brought up believe that it is normal and their right to cheat on their partners. Such men engage in affairs and cheat almost openly without any feeling of guilt.
Another reason could be because of ego.To boost a man's ego there is nothing compared to realizing that other women desire him sexually. When in long-term relationship, men get bored and start feeling that they may not be to exercise their charm on other women sexually. To check out if they are still as good and attractive as they were earlier they engage in clandestine affairs.
I am sure you have seen successful relationship and marriages that have survived for years together. If all men do cheat then what is your answer for some men staying faithful all the time.
Adultery has been around since times immemorial and there are a whole lot of news magazines and reality shows on television covering this subject these days. However it is very difficult to find a single answer to the question- Why do men cheat? Cheating may be due to a number of factors which may vary from person to person.
It takes two to work on a marriage but I believe most newlyweds don't view their marriage as something to be worked at. To them, marriage is the goal, not the journey.
Faithfulness is a two way street. You can't ignore your spouses needs and expect them to be faithful. I find it's hardest with close friends. We have a big group of couples we hang with, camp, and we all get along great. I have to keep my guard up with hugs, sexual humor, and sharing details of my marriage. I love all my friends and their husbands but sometimes it hard. I share my struggles with my husband and vice versa
Faithfulness is a two way street. You can't ignore your spouses needs and expect them to be faithful.
That is still no excuse for the selfish choice of having an affair. If you've communicated with your spouse that you want him/her to satisfy your emotional needs and he/she can't or won't do it, then you have to choose to either to live in a unsatisfactory marriage or end it. Better to end a marriage with ones head held high than in shame and disgrace.
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I find it's hardest with close friends. We have a big group of couples we hang with, camp, and we all get along great. I have to keep my guard up with hugs, sexual humor, and sharing details of my marriage. I love all my friends and their husbands but sometimes it hard. I share my struggles with my husband and vice versa
Even happily married people can fall into an affair if they violate marital boundaries. You know this danger and you make the effort to steer clear of it, excellent.
You can do many things to help you and your spouse not cheat:
1. Set boundaries regarding other people/friends.
2. Don't go to different-sex friends for advice/comfort.
3. Don't say anything to a friend of opposite sex that you wouldn't say to/around your mate.
4. If you feel those twinges of "twitterpation" with someone, cut the friendship.
5. Don't put yourself in situations where emotions can run high. IE: alone with a "good friend" of the opposite sex.
6. No matter WHAT issues you are having with your mate, never ever ever never EVER say one bad word about your marriage/mate to someone of opposite sex.
7. For support, if you can't go to your mate, go to someone of same sex/family.
8. When upset about/with mate, remind yourself of 3 good things about your mate. This will remind you that the issue at hand can be helped.
9. Don't text/email/contact a friend of opposite sex frequently. There's really no reason. If you DO contact frequently, don't hide it from your spouse. If you find you ARE hiding it, drop the friend and tell mate.
10. Spend time with mate. Good times without discussing relationship. Just have fun and laugh and have GOOD SEX frequently.
Sorry to post to a thread that hasn't been posted in in a while, but I wanted to thank you for this.
I have issues with what are appropriate boundaries. I don't know if I've had an EA, but I feel like I could have one and I've never understood how such a thing would be prevented. I think I need some fairly strict rules for myself because I think I may be vulnerable to opportunity, and not recognize it until it's too late.
Sure it's about control...but that's because they don't have control at home. They are lacking something and most of the time it's sex. I don't know many wives who do everything for their husband sexually, fulfill his needs for closeness and then get cheated on. Not personally anyway. I don't know what to believe in this forum.
I didn't say it's the only reason, but someone said that people think that men who cheat are dogs and that's not the case...unless they earn that title.
Any act of low character has an explanation, but has no justification.
When most people get married, the subject of cheating and marital boundaries is hardly ever brought up. Naturally, the relationship is still new and that subject is the not even on their minds. Most people love and trust their spouse implicitly, and always assume that their spouse will always be faithful, thus no discussion about having boundaries, etc. It seems only when an incident occurs like infidelity that people suddenly find the need to start protecting the marriage. Its only when it happens to you that you can understand the need to help prevent affairs.
Exactly that and it's like that with most things, not just cheating and marriage.
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Re: Can cheating be prevented? 
Re: Can cheating be prevented? 
