NatashaYurino

Every now and again you hear someone saying that when a person (male or female) cheats just for sex and has no emotional connection with the OM/OW, that it's not a big deal.

Because the affair will not change the way your spouse/SO feels about you, and that it does not affect the relationship in any way.

It is true? Is a person capable of truly never letting the affair or fling affect the relationship?

Because in my opinion, regardless of there being an emotional connection with the OM/OW or not, that person represents a thrill and adrenaline rush that the cheater will focus on more than on you. They will try to protect it, sort of.

I ask you guys and girls who have cheated: didn't you change at all at home with your SO? Didn't you pay more attention to the OM/OW? Didn't you start putting a lot more effort into looking good more to your lover then to your SO? Didn't your behaviour change at home, like being more irratable with your SO over insignificant things?

Just trying to understand things better. Thanks!

FourtyPlus

In the beginning, the "rush" took away from time I should have spent with my family, so it did have an effect on my marriage.
My A was online and I remember sitting there in my jammies and messy pony tail. I didn't try to fix myself up for the OM. I did lose a lot of weight before the A started. I did it for my husband but he never said a word, nothing at all!

My behavior changed as I was spending more and more time online chatting with the OM and I often felt resentful towards my husband because he didn't tell me the things the OM did. My husband was definetely the better man in every aspect, it was just that he wasn't giving me the attention I wanted.

Before the A, I felt a disconnect between my husband and me. The A encouraged that feeling to a point where I felt that eventually we'd get divorced anyway because we hade nothing left in common, because we had simply grown apart just like everyone else. I thought I was gonna stick around until our daughter was out of the house and then it would run its course.

mai

You are right a cheating partner's behavior does change. Some of these may be apparent others not. However signs of cheating may vary from person to person. You need to be aware of your partner's nature and usual behavior to be able to identify when his actions or behavior is not normal

AngryandUsed

Cant answer this because I am in the other side. However, researches claim that good amount of affairs go undetected. I noticed that the behavior pattern of WS does change.