No OM fog - did I miss something?
I'm not sure if I'm over-analyzing this or not: My A ended 4 years ago, we are in R and doing alright for the most part. I didn't know about "fog", "trickle truth" and all the other terms used on here before I started reading here and there's one thing that keeps jumping out for me that I don't understand no matter how hard I look at it: The Fog.
I don't think I was in the fog. Are there other cheaters without a fog? Did I miss mine? Did I not see it? Am I still in it?
I can't relate to the cheaters saying they had a hard time letting go of the OM/OW. I've read about this in tons of books as well and no matter how hard I try, it doesn't apply to me at all.
I remember my husband telling me that I needed time to grief the loss of the OM and all I could think was "Are you nuts? What grief?" I was glad the A was over, glad I could tell the OM to PLEASE never contact me again, ever!
I wasn't sad, I didn't miss him. He was nothing but 10 fingers typing away some thousand miles away. Yes, he'd tell me a lot about himself but I wasn't attracted to any of it. I often felt he was a pathetic loser but I would "listen" to all his complaints so we could finally get to the part of the conversation where he would end up telling me I was pretty, I was smart, desirable, a great mother, a great person. I remember one particular chat session where I got so tired of him that I told him I had to wash my car and logged off.
I know nobody is going to believe this and that's alright - I was never going to meet the OM, never! He was never going to touch me and I felt that as long as it was "only" an online thing it wasn't all that bad, not okay to do, but not all that bad. I didn't even consider it an affair because we were "just talking". I know better now, I really do!
After the A ended, I didn't get the OM's attention anymore but I didn't miss it either because my husband basically drowned me in attention, hysterical bonding, gift cards, having lunch together, hugging (and he's not a hugger), telling me I'm pretty 10 times a day - it was overwhelming. Once it wore off and got replaced by immense triggers, I still didn't miss the OM. I haven't to this day. My husband did extensive snooping on the OM and he told me recently that the OM had married some girl from Russia and had spend a substantial amount on Eastern European dating websites (don't ask me how he knows). Really doesn't bother me at all, I don't care a bit what the OM did or does.
Why did I not have a fog? Or did I have one and didn't notice? Am I still in the fog? Are there other cheaters without a fog? Does it actually matter that I did or didn't have a fog? Should I take a break from this forum because ever since finding this forum I have a hard time not analyzing every single thing since Dday and I've been doing some crazy things that I don't think I would have done had it not been for reading here.