dymo

Sean, look into getting some IC. Not for her, but for yourself. Your anger is justified, but the way you handle that anger is obviously impeding your R.

Wolfgar

Agreed 1000%. I know I shouldn't be lashing out at her, I usually feel bad afterwards. I was hoping with time this would get better, but it seems like the more time I've had, the more my head clears and the more it upsets me.



@the guy

haha Omish? That's all you've got...
could talk about our 20% unemployment, or the fact that we have two cities with the highest violent crimes in the country (flint and detroit). Guess thats not as funny as polygamy though

tacoma

Seangar,

If you haven`t gotten that warrant worked out yet..

Go to see a bail/bondsman.
Tell him what your warrant is for.
Pay him in advance to bond you out.

Go to the county jail.
Tell the cop at the front desk there is a warrant out on you.
You`ll be booked and released by morning depending on how you time it.
Your bondsman can help you with the timing.

Have your wife call the DA and tell him she won`t press charges nor will she testify.
The DA will drop the charges.

With the charges dropped there will be nothing on your record.

the guy

"I'm as mad as hell and I ain't going to take it any more" Name that movie?

So S- you go to Ic and what "why are you mad" and "what whats make you angry"

IMHO the way his WW handles his anger is impending *her* R.

I'm just the -guy and I'm wired a little different. dymo you make sense, I'm pissed at everything, thats just me, but as far as infidelity goes we are all justified in being angry for this kind of betrayal, but is the wayward willing to deal with the justification like mine has?

the guy

S- I'm trying to be a little light this evening and cheer you up not bring you down ;-)

Wolfgar

@taco
thanks again, I doubt the bail will be to much? Couldn't I just pay it myself or have a family member? In the letter I received it says I should come to the courthouse...The main thing is def my wife letting the DA know she will not cooperate.

haha well thanks for going easy on me. What has your wife done to help your R? I guess that's where my wifes stuck, she wants to be together but doesnt know how to make things better?

First month, she went out of her way to be loving affection (read post on HB), but that faded somewhat b/c of my lashing out. I felt like she was rug sweeping and trying to recreate the excitement she had with the OM with me... at least that's how it felt. It's a constant roller coaster of emotions, and I've told her that. But after my continued anger and lashing out (I have called her a whor!!e blah blah, nothing productive), she felt like she wasn't getting anywhere I suppose and it was unhealthy for both of us (her causing me pain by just being there and her being verbally "attacked" by me). She's completely transparent, keeps gps on her phone, answers my txts/phone calls immediately, she's in IC. I guess I'm just so afraid of falling into a false R, I've been extra hard on her. I feel like this has to prove her love to me, make me feel like I'm not a second choice or a consolation prize. Show me that she is truly sorry for what shes done. Do whatever it takes for us to be together. She just doesnt know how to do any of this feeling as worthless as she does...she feels like i'd be better off without her...and asks me how could i ever want to be with a person that's done what she has?

dymo

With your IC, try to look for someone who specializes in infidelity or PTSD.

the guy

She calls me, before work, at break, lunch, and on her way home. Thats her deal to keep me around. The GPS and transparentcy is there but in addition there is a submission on her part that was dangerously close in my part in abusing it, until she spoke up (thanks to IC for both of us).

So in like any sub/dom relationship there must be rewards. So I can dish it out but I most be able to give back. An effort on my part...not to reward her for her infidelity but to reward her for making an effort in doing this submission both emotionaly and sexualy.

How ever rough I am with her I equaly have to be soft. Sure I have my triggers and bad days but I regroup and make the effort to show her effection and an effort of great amount of attention.

So yes she takes the abuse of my anger, but understands that I was hurt in a big way, but in the same breath I do not want to be this pissed off guy anymore so I make this effort to be better.She can be this "i'm not worth, I'm a bad person" kind of thing, but she doesn't want to be that person either. Call it self awareness if you will. Frankly I don't want to be around this kind of person, so there you go, what she needs to do to keep me around.

God I hope this makes sense?

Bottom line she takes the out burst, she has this submission about her, but when I treat her good she also returns it 10 fold. So it all boils done to being nice to each other. But there is alway a but, thats just what she has created. It is her choice to except it and I make a choice not to abuse it.

Her biggest acomplishment beside the constant contact is her ablity to give up her friends and "privite" life, her willingness to spend all her time with me and no one else. There's really a sense that she has given her self to me completely.

My take is, don't walk behind me, don't walk in front of me, but walk next to me..........she wants a best friend and it is me.

The b!tch is that its hard to explian, it just a new behavior she has....a new life style if you will.

Kurosity

Not hurt by any cracks.
Not sure why I was not "digging" it....lol! I know it is an easy target for jabs makes me wish I knew some jokes now to ummmmm undo the sensitive vibe I gave. I really like this forum learning so much just from fallowing the posts

Kurosity

~ but when I treat her good she also returns it 10 fold~

That is so wonderful going to take this one home and use it. Sometimes I think I never return it on a level that shows my H that I am thankful when he is good to me

strugglinghusband

Dont know how it works in MI, but in my state all she has to do is not show up for the court apperance, case dropped.
Simular thing happened to a guy I knew, posted bail (in out, they did have to aresset him) and his atty told him all she had to do was call the DA and tell them she did not want pursue it or not show up at the hearing.

By all means consult an Atty, 1st consultation should be free.

So sorry this is happening to you with all the other Shyt going on to boot......

Initfortheduration

What you need to do (and this is part of your wife's consequences) is tell her to go down to the police station and admit to filing a false police report. She needs to do this. It should clear everything up. She may get in trouble, but its her fault. It would be dropped in court anyways. I am sure when she lied about you grabbing her by the hair, if you had, there would be a clump of hair missing.

WhereAmI

Can you get her to admit to falsifying the police report in writing (text)? Even if you chose not to use it now, it may protect you in the future if she tries to pull the same stunt. Hopefully texting her to ask why she claimed you pulled her hair will be all it takes.
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morituri

I agree with the other poster that you must get her to agree that she filed a false police report otherwise it will haunt you later on if the two of you do divorce. As lordmayhem pointed out to you, too many women get away with doing this sh!t and pay no consequences for it.

__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

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Thorburn

Guy do you mean Amish? The OM my WS had her affair with was raised Amish. His brothers, sisters, and parents are all freaken Amish, no electricity, horse and buggy etc. The OM left the Amish and lives a modern life. My WS always thought the Amish were weird and she hooks up with a guy who was raised that way. Go figure.

On topic - Man, your WS like all of ours is a piece of work.