Revenge Cheating

Thorburn · 01-25-2012, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by K.K.

I know I could never cheat on my husband. I honestly have no desire to be with someone else. At this point, the thought of it makes me sick. I really don't want to hurt him, I just want him to feel what I am feeling. I want him to understand the devastation I feel.
I think some of the hurt comes from the disappointment of who he was and what he stood for. This is a man, whom I thought, would never in a million years cheat. He just had too much integrity. He is so honest in everything he does. He was known for his integrity. If I had been given a million dollars ( and I could use it!) and asked to bet it....I wouldn't even have hesitated to bet against the fact that he would cheat. That's how much faith I had in him. If the words hadn't come out of his own mouth, no one could have convinced me he did it. I wouldn't even have listened.
Soooo, all of that said, I know I couldn't lower myself to cheat. I couldn't disappoint my children and family in that way. Cheating is dirty and disgusting. It's embarrassing, and in ways I feel sorry for him. I know he is disappointed in himself too. I guess that should be enough.

K, you made an old Master Sergeant tear up. I thought the same thing about the love of my life and my best friend. This is worst then having lost soldiers in combat. One of my duties in combat was to gather all the soldiers together, after they suffered a lost and help them process what the hell just happened. All for the purpose of getting them mentally, spiritual, and emotionally prepared to go out again in 12 hours and I was damn good in helping these soldiers prepare for their next mission. As much as that sucked, the pain that my spouse caused in me is beyond anything I faced in combat.

mikeydread1982 · 01-25-2012, 09:50 AM

Something I can relate to. Just to let you know, it doesn't make you feel better. And I never realised it at the time. I kept on doing it to try and fill that void, but it never helped. Don't start, just leave.

Pit-of-my-stomach · 01-25-2012, 11:46 AM

and give up all this hard earned self righteousness? lol.

Thorburn · 01-25-2012, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach

and give up all this hard earned self righteousness? lol.

Thor · 01-25-2012, 12:28 PM

I'll admit to a different kind of thought. What does she now know that I don't? What am I missing? If I stay, am I at some kind of disadvantage?

I won't go have an affair, but those thoughts have crossed my mind as possible rationalizations.

Trying to heal · 04-15-2012, 04:59 PM

Though about it. Yes
Acted on it. No
Why?
Because I have what my STBXW does not. Character and Morals.
Sure I had plenty of chances to cheat when she was pregnant. More than a few.
But cheating to me is lowest form of slime.
And I don't look good in slime. It's not my color.

tobio · 04-15-2012, 05:13 PM

At times of deep upset I did think about it. Not to get even but simply so he could understand an ounce of how I felt.

A year on, I never did it. I wouldn't. It is enough for me to know that he lives with the fear that any time I go out, I could do it just for revenge. If this makes sense: he is convinced by my integrity when it comes to fidelity but feels the only circumstances in which I *would* do it would be for revenge. So he has to live with that. He created that thinking by his own actions. Karma is interesting at times.

Count of Monte Cristo · 04-15-2012, 07:43 PM

I didn't have a revenge affair, but before dday, when my wife became distant and lost interest in sex (with me), she told me that if I wanted to sleep with other women I could do so.

I told her that I couldn't do this because I loved her and didn't want to run the risk of becoming attached to someone else. Obviously, this should've been a red flag for me but I just couldn't imagine that my wife was being unfaithful.

Looking back, I think that she was trying to set me up to do something unsavory so that she could feel better about the person she had become.

Complexity · 04-15-2012, 11:18 PM

I don't know if it would hurt him as much, I mean, whatever pain he'd go through would be tempered by the fact he did the exact same thing, so he'll be resigned to the fact.

And either way after the deed is done, it's not going to change history or lessen your pain. I personally can never stand the years of resentment and bitterness after an affair. Hope it works out for you though.

highwood · 04-16-2012, 10:07 AM

Thought about it..did not do it. I don't know how I would meet anyone to do anything like that right now. There is no one at work that I am attracted to so unless I perused the dating sites and pretended I was single. No desire to do that as well..plus to me I would feel bad to lie to some guy pretending I was actually separated/divorced but was not..

On that note, I totally understand the anger and wanting someone to experience what you are experiencing.

vi_bride04 · 04-16-2012, 10:10 AM

Don't do it. It will further complicate R if you guys decide to stay together. And by complicate, I mean make it almost impossible...

When things get heated or there is a breakdown in communication you will both be throwing the A's in each others faces...ugh...just DON'T!!!!