So I guess we're supposed to break up the 4 year cycle by keeping the wives barefoot and pregnant.
Actually, it brings up the question as to why divorce, and infidelity have skyrocketed lately. Easier, no fault, divorce laws of course is the big reason. Infidelity has tripled since 1997. Internet?
Actually, divorce rates have fallen, some would say pretty significantly, over the last three decades. According to one news story I found (can't link off my phone) the rate peaked at 5.3 divorces per 1,000 people in 1981. In 2009, it was 3.4 per 1,000. In a country of 300 million people, that's a big decline. Certainly not skyrocketing.
What's your source on infidelity having tripled since 1997? Studies have shown more infidelity, but nothing close to three times more.
Quote:
" on a typical Monday between 2,500 and 3,000 women sign-up for the site. But on the day after Mother's Day in 2009,************ saw close to 24,000 new female members. (No surprise: The day after Valentine's Day took first prize for most new female memberships on this site.) "
I call bull----.
Does anyone really believe as many as 3,000 women a day - heck, 3,000 a week - are signing on to one specific website to cheat?
Oh, please.
That doesn't at all sound like advertising for horny (and gullible) men. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm sorry man, you seem like a good guy who doesn't deserve to settle for this but I guess you know what's best for you.
Isn't it sad how bad it's gotten though. Not only have women caught up with men in terms of cheating but what's even more depressing is that you put off the idea of divorce because the likelihood of finding a faithful spouse is negligible. Sigh, just make sure she's been genuine with her remorse. Don't be a doormat to her.
I'm putting it off because she has done everything I have requested. She goes out of her way to make things better. She is totally different. She found out what my value is by finding out there are way worse men out there. She would have never gotten a chance if she wouldn't have chased me down. When she took those divorce papers home reality hit her. What I meant was if this can't work I'm done. No I don't have any faith in finding a faithful woman. My mom, my sister, most of my sister in laws, and recently my daughter have done it. Coupled with two wives why would I have faith in it? I lost my belief in monogamy quite a while ago.
I'm sorry man, you seem like a good guy who doesn't deserve to settle for this but I guess you know what's best for you.
Isn't it sad how bad it's gotten though. Not only have women caught up with men in terms of cheating but what's even more depressing is that you put off the idea of divorce because the likelihood of finding a faithful spouse is negligible. Sigh, just make sure she's been genuine with her remorse. Don't be a doormat to her.
Is this true? Have men found recently that it's difficult to find a loyal wife? I'm not doubting, I'm just shocked that so much of this seems to be out there now. But I worried that I was exaggerating the situation in my mind. I've known a few men who've been cheated on, and my own wife has seemed at times like she might. I'm just so down about things having read what's happened to people on this site and on this thread.
Actually, divorce rates have fallen, some would say pretty significantly, over the last three decades. According to one news story I found (can't link off my phone) the rate peaked at 5.3 divorces per 1,000 people in 1981. In 2009, it was 3.4 per 1,000. In a country of 300 million people, that's a big decline. Certainly not skyrocketing.
What's your source on infidelity having tripled since 1997? Studies have shown more infidelity, but nothing close to three times more.
I call bull----.
Does anyone really believe as many as 3,000 women a day - heck, 3,000 a week - are signing on to one specific website to cheat?
Oh, please.
That doesn't at all sound like advertising for horny (and gullible) men. Posted via Mobile Device
As far as divorce goes it is supposedly at 50-51%. I have seen it stated that the real divorce rate is much lower because people with multiple divorces skew the figure.
Last mothers day the news about the days most cheated on was widely reported and its easy to google if your interested.
Infidelity tripling since 1997,I believe came from a list of infidelity stats. You can google infidelity stats if you have the stomach for it. It is very sobering.
For example 70 to 75% of people claim they would like to cheat if they knew they would not get caught. I assume they took the pole among sober people. Another is only 1 out of 5 affairs are ever discovered.
I'm putting it off because she has done everything I have requested. She goes out of her way to make things better. She is totally different. She found out what my value is by finding out there are way worse men out there. She would have never gotten a chance if she wouldn't have chased me down. When she took those divorce papers home reality hit her. What I meant was if this can't work I'm done. No I don't have any faith in finding a faithful woman. My mom, my sister, most of my sister in laws, and recently my daughter have done it. Coupled with two wives why would I have faith in it? I lost my belief in monogamy quite a while ago.
That's good atleast, so long as you're satisfied with her remorse I hope for the best for your marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jen's Husband
Is this true? Have men found recently that it's difficult to find a loyal wife? I'm not doubting, I'm just shocked that so much of this seems to be out there now. But I worried that I was exaggerating the situation in my mind. I've known a few men who've been cheated on, and my own wife has seemed at times like she might. I'm just so down about things having read what's happened to people on this site and on this thread.
I know how you feel. Apparently 74% of all divorces are a result of infidelity. Just reading this board, 90% of the betrayed spouses are men.
This struck a chord with me because I saw it in my wife and her friends that went wayward. Actually in counseling during her EA my wife said, "I shouldn't have to tell him what I want, he should just know."
Women may want men to make them happy, but they do not say, and probably do not know themselves, how this might be accomplished. “Women want men to read their minds—or, more accurately, their emotions—because it’s what they do, easily…. Females want males to anticipate their needs and desires.” (Obeying their every command is not enough.) Women do in fact have a greater ability to perceive the needs and feelings of others without verbal communication, an evolved adaptation to the requirements of successfully nurturing infants. When they expect their husbands to have this same ability, they are in effect upset that their husbands are not women.
Eventually, women do come out and tell their husbands they are “unhappy.” But this does not mean they have any intention of working on improving the marriage; women ordinarily make no overt, specific complaints until they are
100 percent done with the relationship—meaning [they] have lost all feeling…. It’s not uncommon for women to eventually feel less for their husbands than they would for a stranger on the street…. When women start being specific to men about their needs, it’s usually only to let their husbands know all the many areas in which they have failed. In other words, their husbands have already been fired; their wives are just giving them the reasons for the termination…. She already has another “Mr. Right” picked out or is eager to find one. She is looking for the feeling of excitement again.
I agree with the "specific complaints when they are done", I'm guilty of that. I told H. what I needed from him way too late, I should have spoken up sooner. I was already angry with him, given up pretty much, he felt my anger, got defensive, then we'd argue about it....nothing solved. And at that point I didn't want to look at what I was doing wrong in the relationship. Obviously he had resentment for me, and therefore didn't want to meet my needs, so we were trapped in the blame game.
I agree with the "specific complaints when they are done", I'm guilty of that. I told H. what I needed from him way too late, I should have spoken up sooner. I was already angry with him, given up pretty much, he felt my anger, got defensive, then we'd argue about it....nothing solved. And at that point I didn't want to look at what I was doing wrong in the relationship. Obviously he had resentment for me, and therefore didn't want to meet my needs, so we were trapped in the blame game.
Strangely enough, in my case I'd almost see an improvement if my wife became "the angry one." She's gotten her way so long, and I've been the one trying to fix things and actually care about the marriage, that I'm really looking forward to the day when she comes home and has a list of real complaints. Thing is, she complains anyway, but it's just about things that are unrelated to any reality I'm aware of. Her complaints are specific, but they're about things like not having a fairy castle in the clouds to return home to after her hard 6 hour day of work. Now that I've started to just do what I want and not care if it doesn't work for her, she's starting up with the whining about how I don't communicate for the first time in our marriage (she has always been the one to ignore me or respond with one syllable). But she can't take it too far and she knows it since the first 15 years of our relationship involved me catering so much to her. I don't want to ruin my marriage, but I'll behave poorly for a while in order to help balance the books a little.
As far as divorce goes it is supposedly at 50-51%. I have seen it stated that the real divorce rate is much lower because people with multiple divorces skew the figure.
Where is stage 5?
That's the one where the cheater has lived a life of being everybody's "prince or princess", and had always been "1st" in everything?
These people can manipulate their SO in such a way that they can make everything wrong in the relationship the SO's fault and carry on many affairs without being discovered.
#5's will stay in the marriage simply for financial reasons and if they are female, manipulate the legal system in such a way that the victim can't even get out of the marriage wearing the shoes on their feet.
Get burned by one of those and you will vow to go it alone for the rest of your life.
Where is stage 5?
That's the one where the cheater has lived a life of being everybody's "prince or princess", and had always been "1st" in everything?
These people can manipulate their SO in such a way that they can make everything wrong in the relationship the SO's fault and carry on many affairs without being discovered.
#5's will stay in the marriage simply for financial reasons and if they are female, manipulate the legal system in such a way that the victim can't even get out of the marriage wearing the shoes on their feet.
Get burned by one of those and you will vow to go it alone for the rest of your life.
I'm glad that's not my wife. Some people turn into complete physcos once the sh1t hits the fan.
After reading the book a couple of times, I've concluded that it doesn't really apply to my situation all that much. I just don't buy into the whole "women start looking for some strange and cheat because of it" and it's completely normal and destined to be.
Even those who have responded to this thread who said the stages fit them, denied that they cheated for the sex. Just saying.
I read those stages as being all about being bored with sex with the same partner.
Is this true? Have men found recently that it's difficult to find a loyal wife? I'm not doubting, I'm just shocked that so much of this seems to be out there now. But I worried that I was exaggerating the situation in my mind. I've known a few men who've been cheated on, and my own wife has seemed at times like she might. I'm just so down about things having read what's happened to people on this site and on this thread.
Have you ever gone to Athol Kay's blog Married Man Sex Life? If you do check out some of the other blogs in the "manosphere". The reason that more and more men are staying single and "gaming" women is because many feel that the "system" has been skewed so far that in general women can't be trusted to stay monogamous in a long term relationship. I weep for the current generation and what they'll have to deal with.
Have you ever gone to Athol Kay's blog Married Man Sex Life? If you do check out some of the other blogs in the "manosphere". The reason that more and more men are staying single and "gaming" women is because many feel that the "system" has been skewed so far that in general women can't be trusted to stay monogamous in a long term relationship. I weep for the current generation and what they'll have to deal with.
Thanks for the recommendation. I'll definitely check that out. I think that a lot of men right now are wondering what's happened to change things this way, or maybe they were always this way but we're just aware of it now. I think for some of us who wanted and expected traditional marriage, staying loyal and never really having that time to mess around and date, the whole situation is kind of surprising. I never in a million years, after 15 years of being a good husband and responsible and never dreaming of stepping out, would have expected to hear my wife talking about threesomes, one night stands or how much fun she had in college being taken advantage of by uncaring frat guy types. I hate the idea that a man can do the right thing forever and still get paid this way. I don't think all women are this way now, but a lot more are than I thought. I have a few friends who've had their wives step out for a time and then just come back to the marriage when they were done, not really apologetic or one even with the attitude that he should just forget it all because she's a good wife and mother to his kids. Once I became aware of it, it became difficult to not notice this same attitude on my wife's tv shows and movies as well.
Many men say it is because of the way divorces are handled. Most states have no fault divorces so infidelity cannot be brought into the equation. If someone cheats it doesn't become public knowledge anymore.
Another reason given is that women used to be tied to a man's finances and if divorced most women would have financial difficulty. Now with more and more women in the workforce and the court's stance on alimony women can divorce and not worry about where the money will come from.
I feel those reasons are part of it but also people just don't want to work at marriage anymore. It's too damned easy to get a divorce and with so many more already divorced the social stigma is not there. In today's world both spouses work outside the home. Because of crazy schedules and harried lives time is valuable. People just find it easier to split than to spend the time and effort necessary to have a successful marriage. The one thing I repeatedly say to WS on this site is that if they had spent 1/2 the energy they used in having an affair on improving their marriage they would never have had the affair in the first place.
The ironic thing is that statistics show that 80% of people who get divorces wish they had stayed together. By then it's too late.
The ironic thing is that statistics show that 80% of people who get divorces wish they had stayed together. By then it's too late.
I have a feeling that this is because of the kids (if any). Only because of the kids I never thought of divorce and were willing take all this crap she could give to me.
And, interestingly, it's much lower for those with college degrees than those without.
Also interesting: a college dropout is the most likely to divorce. I suspect it has something to do with not being able to finish what you started. Posted via Mobile Device
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