Look, it seems all this emotional mumbo jumbo has everyone's head spinning. I don't see why people don't just let people be. Some folks are made for monotony...I mean monogomy, some arent. Due to the pressure by (fill in blank with family, society, etc), some "do the right thing". There is 2 women to every man, so you tell me 1/2 the women in the world don't deserve love? How selfish of you. Women crave excitement, and passion and disney fairy tales, if they see the need to chase that, they are the ones accruing the mileage, not you. I just think there are some overly emotional crybabies who feel that they deserve the attention of one individual, well ask yourself this, "what am I doing to deserve all this, and am I doing it?" A lot of what I said is devil's advocacy, however, think about it. Some people are dreamers, some are chasers and some are settlers, which are you?
...and? We all can't be self righteous as you. I see some people have comprehension issues here. Or maybe this speaks to the overly emotional mention I made earlier. People are so wound up in what they deserve from another human being. You have as many flaws as they do, they're just manifested in different forms. I know of a lot of people that marry to "do the right thing", which is typically a pregnancy. Others may marry due to unrealistic ideal they have envisioned. Some people marry young. And with all those scenarios, most don't work out. All i'm saying is, be realistic, people are people, placing sometimes unrealistic, and egotistical, expectations on someone can push them further away than bringing them closer. Now let the name calling resume.
Many people have the false belief that life should be a never ending series of exciting events. When they are in a committed relationship like marriage, they soon realize that their spouse will not be providing them with a steady diet of excitement. So they get involved with another man/woman because the simple act that they are doing something forbidden, gives them the rush and excitement they crave. These people don't necessarily want to end their marriage but simply 'supplement it' so they can keep themselves from being bored out of their minds. Needless to say, these people have not matured into adults but have gotten stuck in an extended adolescence.
The stuff above in the blue only applies to "Normal" marriages, applying it to a MLC situation, most of it does not wash as many will tell you.
I was always there for my wife, did more than 50% of everything around the house because I had a home office. We never had sex less than three times a week for 24 years except during pregnancy and just after childbirth and I used to talk with her everyday about everything and anything while taking her to work. I complimented on how she looked everyday. I kept myself in good shape ( 6'2" 180lbs), and she bragged me up for years to the girls at work, but all the above was still not enough.
The switch went off for my wife at age 44, she took off for some guy she met online playing World of Warcraft, left a house with no mortgage and two kids to live in a one bedroom apartment, hooking up with the out of town OM on weekends. I swear it's more like mental illness than anything else.
I'm just playing devil's advocate here, nothing more. But would you think your wife was the exception to the rule? I mean we have read all the possible reasons women have affairs (similar for men), there seems to be a common theme. Yes, you seemed to be there for your wife on every level, I agree. But your wife may have something seriously wrong with her to have the need for hook ups at 44, or maybe she just snapped. It's all so puzzling to me. Or is it all about perception?
Many people have the false belief that life should be a never ending series of exciting events. When they are in a committed relationship like marriage, they soon realize that their spouse will not be providing them with a steady diet of excitement. So they get involved with another man/woman because the simple act that they are doing something forbidden, gives them the rush and excitement they crave. These people don't necessarily want to end their marriage but simply 'supplement it' so they can keep themselves from being bored out of their minds. Needless to say, these people have not matured into adults but have gotten stuck in an extended adolescence.
Or instead of extended adolescence, it could be what people refer to as a mid life crisis. Maybe what triggers it in some women is a change in body chemistry that makes them question themselves and their whole life. Who knows?
Agreed. Thats why I want to reach through the screen sometimes and punch someone in the face when I read the standard response that she wouldn't have cheated if you were there for her emotionally. We can't read there freaking minds. When we try to ask whats wrong I got the dreaded "N" word (Nothing!). I did my best to communicate and give her validation at the expense of my own. I know my emotional and sexual needs weren't being met yet I never damn cheated!!! Posted via Mobile Device
I was telling my husband for years what I needed, to be heard, respected, not lectured, appreciated etc. He agrees with me on this. And he says that it was hard for him to do it because of the many set backs he's had in his life. Did I say it the right way? Probably not, I said it in a defensive manner "stop putting me down" instead of telling him how it made me felt. And then he would take it the wrong way and build resentment etc.
Or instead of extended adolescence, it could be what people refer to as a mid life crisis. Maybe what triggers it in some women is a change in body chemistry that makes them question themselves and their whole life. Who knows?
Then again the women who are bored easily could be narcissists.
Or instead of extended adolescence, it could be what people refer to as a mid life crisis. Maybe what triggers it in some women is a change in body chemistry that makes them question themselves and their whole life. Who knows?
My wife is only in her early 30s and hasn't had a full-blown affair, but a lot of her behavior seems to follow this explanation. She's even said to me, after a fight when she's in her "being honest" mode, that a lot of what she's done has to do with not being young anymore and not being in the place "she thought she'd be by now." I'm assuming that many points in the book and on the other article list above would have some root in this attitude as well.
I was telling my husband for years what I needed, to be heard, respected, not lectured, appreciated etc. He agrees with me on this. And he says that it was hard for him to do it because of the many set backs he's had in his life. Did I say it the right way? Probably not, I said it in a defensive manner "stop putting me down" instead of telling him how it made me felt. And then he would take it the wrong way and build resentment etc.
Nothing=tons of stuff
I don't mean to belittle your struggles with your husband in any way, but in some ways I'm jealous of the men whose wives lecture them repeatedly over the long term regarding things that need to change. With my wife it's always a guessing game, with me begging her to tell me what's up, before some issue arises without me having seen it coming.
Look, it seems all this emotional mumbo jumbo has everyone's head spinning. I don't see why people don't just let people be. Some folks are made for monotony...I mean monogomy, some arent. Due to the pressure by (fill in blank with family, society, etc), some "do the right thing". There is 2 women to every man, so you tell me 1/2 the women in the world don't deserve love? How selfish of you. Women crave excitement, and passion and disney fairy tales, if they see the need to chase that, they are the ones accruing the mileage, not you. I just think there are some overly emotional crybabies who feel that they deserve the attention of one individual, well ask yourself this, "what am I doing to deserve all this, and am I doing it?" A lot of what I said is devil's advocacy, however, think about it. Some people are dreamers, some are chasers and some are settlers, which are you?
What about the women who didn't crave the fantasy wedding? I may be wrong, but Americans are more preoccupied with the big lavish wedding. What about the women who want a happy marriage where they feel fulfilled and want to spend the rest of their living days with the same man? I think everyone craves excitement, but does it mean a person will seek an affair because of this. It's really not that simple, no one person fits exactly into the same mold. Bottom line though is that it's horrible decision to make, and we all agree on that.
I was telling my husband for years what I needed, to be heard, respected, not lectured, appreciated etc.
This was me, too. Unfortunately, my exH was not up to the task of even acknowledging my feelings. During the divorce he told me he was going to have the rest of his life knowing he did not try everything he could in our marriage. In a way this makes me happy. It takes two, baby.
I don't mean to belittle your struggles with your husband in any way, but in some ways I'm jealous of the men whose wives lecture them repeatedly over the long term regarding things that need to change. With my wife it's always a guessing game, with me begging her to tell me what's up, before some issue arises without me having seen it coming.
You're not belittling me. At least I don't think so, lol.
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Re: Women’s Infidelity Book 
