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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-05-2012, 12:35 PM   #286 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

Everything coming out of her mouth right now is affair babble.

Don't listen to her ,don't try to reason with her, and do not negotiate.

Your EA is done. It isn't why she is like this but it is an excuse she is using to justify her PA.
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Old 02-05-2012, 02:18 PM   #287 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

It really seems like her affair is more of an EA than a PA.

My WW says that she is going to move out of state with her family.
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Old 02-05-2012, 02:26 PM   #288 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

D2,
She is still ranting.

She is moving out of state with her family? Don't you two have children?

It is not that easy to walk away.

You really need to call her out on her nonsense.

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Old 02-05-2012, 02:37 PM   #289 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

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It really seems like her affair is more of an EA than a PA.
I was thinking the same thing -though an EA can be just as bad as a PA - because most wives involved in a PA seldom have sex with their husbands at the same rate they did before they started having sex with their lovers. A few will have more sex with their husbands but most will cut down on the amount to practically zero because they feel like they are 'betraying' their lover - go figure.

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My WW says that she is going to move out of state with her family.
Until she actually does so, it should be put in the 'show me first' folder
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Old 02-05-2012, 02:57 PM   #290 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

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It really seems like her affair is more of an EA than a PA.
She is having sex with him so it is a PA too. She is having both a EA and PA, do not let her fool you otherwise.

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My WW says that she is going to move out of state with her family.
She is the cheater, she should not get to make the rules. Get an attorney right now. Do not warn her. Have the attorney stop her from taking the children out of state. Do this fast.
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Old 02-05-2012, 09:27 PM   #291 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

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She is having sex with him so it is a PA too. She is having both a EA and PA, do not let her fool you otherwise.

She is the cheater, she should not get to make the rules. Get an attorney right now. Do not warn her. Have the attorney stop her from taking the children out of state. Do this fast.
She taking the kids out of state?! I would put a stop to that right away. She does that and good luck ever seeing them on a regular basis ever again.
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Old 02-05-2012, 10:17 PM   #292 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

Or
maybe he kicked her out/not a viable alternative. So saving face for now
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Old 02-05-2012, 10:30 PM   #293 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

Here is the latest:

My STBXW is going to try to stay in the area so I can see our boys more. She said she will only move to her parents if she has to.

We submitted our information to legalzoom.com to officially begin the divorce process. I'm completely against it, but she is not into fixing our marriage right now. The paperwork should arrive in 5 to 7 days and then we can mail the forms into the state.

I have learned quite a few things in this last week. There is no one size fits all approach to handling an affair. My wife was already gone from our marriage when her affair happened. I was just too dense to realize it.

I don't think calling my WW's family, emailing the OM's co-workers, friends, and family made a difference at all. When it is all said and done, my wife was already lost at that point.

Through this process, I realized that I have a lot of changes that I need to make in my life. I would appreciate it if anyone would like to point out some of the changes that I need to make in my life.

A few things that I need to work on are:
1. Respecting other people.
2. Managing my emotions/anger during arguments.
3. Earning the respect of others.
4. Being less selfish.
5. Not being a coward (telling the OMs co-workers)
6. Learn to appreciate the important people in my life.
7. Work on being less of Mr. Nice Guy and more of an alpha male.
8. Stop being so trusting of other people.
9. Don't always put my own self interests first.
10. Learn to treat the people who are important to me better.


The OM told me that he was going to cut off all contact with her which turned out to be a complete and total lie. I really don't care, but I'm definitely not bending over backwards to help my STBXW at all. I wouldn't be surprised if my shady ass STBXW and the OM worked together to make me think that they were going to stop talking. She tried to tell me that he is done with her. They have been texting quite a bit since he told her that he didn't want to talk to her anymore.

I'm obviously disappointed that they are both liars, but they can have each other as far as I am concerned.
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Old 02-05-2012, 11:14 PM   #294 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

Don't go to legalzoom. Get a damn lawyer.

It's perfectly normal to prevent your wife in a divorce from moving out of area with the kids. You can also prevent them from being involved with OM for a time (not sure if this sticks after D or just in separation).

A lawyer will fight for your rights, don't let this one manipulate you.
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Old 02-05-2012, 11:21 PM   #295 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

This is pretty much what I said all along. Some people on here do think there's only a one size fits approach to ending an affair and assume all WWs are the same. Your list is pretty much spot on. Your best bet would be reconciliation in the future ( if you want it), right now it's best for you to take care of your self and your children.

Last edited by Complexity; 02-06-2012 at 12:00 AM.
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Old 02-06-2012, 04:09 AM   #296 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

devasatated, you must be a man of some means,otherwise you wouldn't of been smart enough to have the pre-nup. but you leave me scratching my head by being foolish by using legalzoom for a divorce! your setting yourself up for a royal screwing.
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Old 02-06-2012, 05:11 AM   #297 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

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This is pretty much what I said all along. Some people on here do think there's only a one size fits approach to ending an affair and assume all WWs are the same. Your list is pretty much spot on. Your best bet would be reconciliation in the future ( if you want it), right now it's best for you to take care of your self and your children.
Please specify what "one size fits all approach" is wrong. There''s always other approaches. His wife is in an exit affair, which I will add, he did not know until now. His WW and OM did act according to the general script, which upon exposure, they say they will go NC, when in fact, they simply take it further underground. There's STILL the blameshifting and justifying the affair.
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Old 02-06-2012, 01:13 PM   #298 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

Devastated, I assume you're in the US? If so, as far as I know, it is ILLEGAL for your wife to move your kids out of YOUR state without YOUR written permission. If you don't at the very least go to a lawyer for a free consultation, you won't have enough knowledge to prevent this.
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Old 02-06-2012, 01:14 PM   #299 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

Thanks everyone.

I just emailed the lawyer to engage his services. I can't trust my STBXW and a professional is probably the best option here.

I'm not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but I have accumulated a ~$100K in retirement accounts.
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Old 02-06-2012, 01:28 PM   #300 (permalink)
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Default Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair

Tell the lawyer you want to press forward with the terms of the prenup. Nothing wrong with turning the tables on your wife. You extended the olive branch to her and she grabbed it and smacked you in the face with it.
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