I talked to my wife on Friday (two days ago). I aplogized for the hurtful things that I have said and done to her. I told her that I am letting her go like she wants. I said there are a lot of changes that I am going to make in my life and I plan to fight to get her back at some point in the future. I feel like she thinks that she can do whatever she wants and that I will always be her back up plan, which is not something that I am okay with.
Her behavior has been almost revolting the last few days. She has went out drinking Friday and Saturday nights and hasn't come home until about 9 or 10 am. Our sons were not feeling well yesterday, but she still went out drinking to see a new other man. She lied to my face and told me that she is going to a girl friend's house to drink. I am guessing that she has been staying the night at the guy's house who she had the affair with (because they were "friends first" before the affair), but she could have just as easily stayed the night at the new other man's house.
She told me that she is too nice and can't tell just guys "no" when they ask her out, even though she just wants to be friends. (I don't believe her for the record.) It's almost like she is addicted to getting attention and compliments from men, which seems needy and insecure. I'm not sure if I contributed to this because I focused so much on her appearance during our relationship.
She has made it a point to "accidentally" show me that she has been wearing her wedding rings when she leaves and gets home. It's almost like she is trying to play mind games with me or she thinks that I am completely stupid and actually believe that she is wearing her wedding rings after she gets in her car. It's not like I don't know that she hasn't been coming home at nights. She has also been hugging me before she leaves to go out for the evening. I am guessing that she is doing this because she feels bad or is trying to pull something over on me.
I have completely backed away from her since I told her that I was letting her go. I am not initiating any conversations with her about anything. Yesterday, I went to tell her that I was leaving to go meet with a "Stephen minister" through church. She was in the shower, so I turned my ahead away from the door and told her that I was leaving. She commented that it was funny that I was looking away from her while I was talking to her.
I am so sick of her constant lies. I am very slowly starting to feel like I deserve to be with someone better than her and how she is treating me. I am starting to look forward to her moving out and not having to see her so often. I am scared but looking forward to rebuilding my life after the divorce.
I appreciate everyone's feedback and input. Should I move this thread to a different section of this forum? Thanks everyone.
Keep your chin up Devistated. Your wife and mine are cut from the same cloth. I know what you are going through. Your wife is showing you her true colors. It's sad to see someone you love give themselves away so cheaply.
Be patient, ignore her and move forward. Good luck!
No stay here. She is still catting around. And you're not divorced. Have you cut of her money? Separated finances? Exposed to everyone?
You sure don't act mean. As a matter of fact, you look like the kind of guy women walk all over. Can't believe your letting her rub it in your face. She will be bringing them home to meet you next when they come to pick her up. At least she doesn't have to pay a babysitter.
I talked to my wife on Friday (two days ago). I aplogized for the hurtful things that I have said and done to her. I told her that I am letting her go like she wants. I said there are a lot of changes that I am going to make in my life and I plan to fight to get her back at some point in the future.I feel like she thinks that she can do whatever she wants and that I will always be her back up plan, which is not something that I am okay with.
Maybe it's because you just contradicted yourself.
You're saying you're letting her go and you're going to make changes in your life (good). Then you say you're going to fight to get her back (bad).
Then you complain about her thinking you'll always be her back up.
Well if someone told me, "I'm going to come back and fight for you later", then I'd assume they were going to be a back up too. I'd assume I could go screw up royally and then when I was done they'd be there for me.
You're wife needs to know that what she's doing is ENDING her relationship. She currently has no consequences. In fact, in her mind she's still married. You haven't made it explicitly clear that you're not together. She's still living with you, you're still wearing your wedding rings, she's still giving you "hugs" and telling you she loves you. Have you even given her any papers yet?
Why would you want to fight for someone that is screwing other dudes and lying to you? Why would you not want to move on from that and never look back? Why would you say something so pitiful and pathetic?
why does she still have a car with gas in it? With car insurance and a credit card?
She's not even coming home from these cheat sessions with these men.
And you're still there, her keys still work, she got's a made bed and pillow, and a place to sleep off her sex session.
oh, and she's getting hugs before she goes out.
I'm not sure how you are even able to touch her.
But common, man up - why would she want to come back to a man who is actually putting up with the behavior she's doing?
That has me puzzled too. Why are you still financing this affair? Why are you just being the babysitter while she goes off and bangs other men?
How about instead of hugging her before she goes out to bang other men for the night, you tell her to GTFO and not come home? I don't understand why you're accepting all this disrespect?
However she needs to understand that you can't give up on her. She need to understand that despite her despising you now, you will fight tooth and nail to get your woman back. Ask her if there's any good she sees in you to give you a chance in the future to prove that you've changed to a better man. Actions will speak louder than words and I strongly suggest you wean off the self pity and employ the 180 after you have the conversation, there isn't a better time to use it.
You do realize these two paths are mutually exclusive?
You cannot run an effective 180 when your partner knows you can't let her go.
My divorce attorney said that the divorce papers will be filed this week. My attorney is also going to issue a temporary injunction for her to leave and so I can give her half of the divorce settlement money. So she will be completely cut off financially very soon.
She is planning to start moving out March 1st into her new place. She has talked about not finishing moving out until the middle of March, but I am not going to allow that whether she thinks so or not.
I have not been wearing my wedding ring at all since I confronted her.
What should I say to her if anything today? I feel like I should tell her that she needs to be out of my house completely the weekend after March 1st. I am thinking about telling her that I deserve to be with someone who treats me better than how she has been treating me. I'm just so sick of her lies.
I planning on telling her that she is on a very short leash with regard to custody of our boys. I am going to keep a very close eye on our boys and I'm going to fight her for custody if I don't feel like our sons are a priority over her partying and dating.
I appreciate everyone's advice about what to say to her.
Tacoma - what can I do to start earning back her respect.
Instead of telling her anything - I recommend the opposite. Ignore her completely. no words, acknowledgments, or even help - like opening doors.
Be kind and gentle to your kids, but cold as ice to her.
certainly stop cooking her food, doing her laundry, etc.
As for her respect - sorry, but that is long gone. This woman is openly hugging you and she goes out to fvck other men, then coming back home the next morning like nothing wrong has happened.
The first time you let her stay, was the last time she had any respect for you.
btw - have you exposed her cheating for friends and family?
My divorce attorney said that the divorce papers will be filed this week. My attorney is also going to issue a temporary injunction for her to leave and so I can give her half of the divorce settlement money. So she will be completely cut off financially very soon.
She is planning to start moving out March 1st into her new place. She has talked about not finishing moving out until the middle of March, but I am not going to allow that whether she thinks so or not.
I have not been wearing my wedding ring at all since I confronted her.
What should I say to her if anything today? I feel like I should tell her that she needs to be out of my house completely the weekend after March 1st. I am thinking about telling her that I deserve to be with someone who treats me better than how she has been treating me. I'm just so sick of her lies.
I planning on telling her that she is on a very short leash with regard to custody of our boys. I am going to keep a very close eye on our boys and I'm going to fight her for custody if I don't feel like our sons are a priority over her partying and dating.
I appreciate everyone's advice about what to say to her.
Tacoma - what can I do to start earning back her respect.
I'm sorry for everything you are going through.
I'll get bashed but I do see where turnera is coming from. It's sad when parents fight as to who doesn't have to take the boys. Regardless of valid reasons, that is the message that they hear or will realize someday.
I'm married with no where to drop my kids off every second weekend and yet we manage downtime with babysitters and after kids go to bed.
While you have admitted faults - neglect, etc., that is no excuse for the worthless crap your wife has become. There are moral ways for her to deal with that such as divorce. Posted via Mobile Device
Tacoma - what can I do to start earning back her respect.
Do nothing for her.
Don`t speak to her unless absolutely necessary.
Expose her to everyone.
Cut off all money, benefits, anything she gains as your wife.
Take it from her.
File for divorce and get her out if you can.
It`s unlikely you can save this as a satisfying relationship.
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Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair 
