My emotional affair was definitely a huge turning point in our marriage. It's almost like she has been trying to move past my EA, but just can't. It's kind of like she is finally leaving me because of my affair.
I don't think it really changes things. He didn't say so at first, but he did write in a later post that he was a lousy husband. So, it turns out, he was really lousy. It's still not an excuse for his wife going nuclear with an affair.
There's almost always a reason people cheat. That doesn't make cheating any more acceptable.
I completely agree that I was a really bad husband. I would appreciate suggestions of how to be a better person in general (less selfish, more genuine, more sensitive of other people's feelings, etc.). I know that I need to improve the person that I am.
I am really struggling with the best way to handle this situation. My prenup is pretty airtight. She basically only will get child support (~$1600-$1900 per month), no spousal support or alimony. All of the bank accounts and investments have always only been in my name only. The prenup dictates that these all go to me. My lawyer told me that I don't have to give her any money until the divorce is final. I love my wayward wife and want to reconcile (even though she won't commit to no contact with the other man).
I want to protect myself, but I want to help her also. I closed the credit cards because they were in my name only. I told her that I would give her cash but I want to know what she is spending money on. I just want to make sure she is not spending money on anything related to him. She is not happy and thinks this is another example of me being a mean husband.
The whole story is that she has invested a lot of time and energy into our family and supporting my career. She has dropped out of college twice for me for me to advance my career. She has stayed at home to watch the boys while I have finished my MBA and worked long hours. She feels like she earned a "fair share" of our assets. I know that she played a huge part in getting my career to where it is today. Legally, I don't have to give her anything. But, I want to prove to her that I am not the selfish and mean husband that she has dealt with for the last 9 years. I don't know what to do. My mind says give her something , but nothing over the top (ex: a car and some money). My heart says to give her "enough" to prove to her that I am the the man that she should love. (ex: a car, some money, and maybe try to have both of us living in my house while she finishes school)
The child support amount is not going to be enough for her to live on. She is going to have to get a job in order to take care of herself and our boys. She is terrified and furious about her financial situation that I "put her in". She regrets giving up so much for me, and thinks that I ruined her life. She is worried about having to drop out of school and take our boys to live with her parents out of state.
I know this is counter intuitive to everything I have read here, but I really feel like I need to prove to her that I am not some selfish and mean person like she believes I am. She doesn't deserve to live in poverty and I don't want my boys to live poorly.
How can I prove to her that I am not the mean and selfish person that I have been?
I just want another chance to reconcile with her. I feel like I'm addicted to my wife. She feels like I waited too long and I'm a horrible, mean, greedy, selfish person.
Please understand that any efforts to improve yourself as a human being should be FOR YOU and not for your wife or others. The fact that you acknowledge that you have been less than an exemplary person is a good start in becoming a better person. If you are short tempered, prone to anger quickly, and lashing out at others, then seek the services of a professional counselor to help you manage your negative feelings in a healthy fashion.
As far as your wife is concerned, divorce her. She is far from being remorseful cheater who is willing to end all contact with the OM abd doing everything to regain your trust. I seriously doubt that with her blamseshifting attitude she is that great of a wife you try to paint her out to be.
She complains about the financial situation YOU put her in?
WTF?
She`s the one who put herself in this situation.
Guys like you are why so many women think they can screw around whenever they want and have no consequences for their actions.
If my wife ever did to me what your wife has done her life would be one financial hardship after another until she was able to trap another sucker AND SHE KNOWS IT!!
Thats ultimately why she doesn`t screw around on me, because she knows it`s a life of poverty if she does.
She is terrified and furious about her financial situation that I "put her in". She regrets giving up so much for me, and thinks that I ruined her life. She is worried about having to drop out of school and take our boys to live with her parents out of stat
She wouldn't be facing this situation if she had not decided to have an affair in the first place. As far as I'm concerned, she has reaped what she has sown.
Please understand that any efforts to improve yourself as a human being should be FOR YOU and not for your wife or others. The fact that you acknowledge that you have been less than an exemplary person is a good start in becoming a better person. If you are short tempered, prone to anger quickly, and lashing out at others, then seek the services of a professional counselor to help you manage your negative feelings in a healthy fashion.
As far as your wife is concerned, divorce her. She is far from being remorseful cheater who is willing to end all contact with the OM abd doing everything to regain your trust. I seriously doubt that with her blamseshifting attitude she is that great of a wife you try to paint her out to be.
I agree. I need to improve myself for ME and my sons. I am going to start meeting with a counselor regularly.
I have already started the divorce process. I seriously doubt that she can forgive me enough to try to fix our marriage. She has a very negative perception of me.
She really is a great wife. I treated her terrible and pushed her way too far.
There are a few ways you can go about this thing..
1) Divorce and destroy her completely for betraying you.
2) Divorce and be fair and reasonable to her financially until she gets back on her feet. then you go separate ways.
3) Reconcile with her under the implied threat of her financial ruin and she has no other options.(very bad)
4) Reconcile if she sees the mistake she has done and is truly remorseful. The problem with this would be, you wouldn't be sure if she is doing this for financial security and might leave you once she realizes that she does not need you.
There are a few ways you can go about this thing..
1) Divorce and destroy her completely for betraying you.
2) Divorce and be fair and reasonable to her financially until she gets back on her feet. then you go separate ways.
3) Reconcile with her under the implied threat of her financial ruin and she has no other options.(very bad)
4) Reconcile if she sees the mistake she has done and is truly remorseful. The problem with this would be, you wouldn't be sure if she is doing this for financial security and might leave you once she realizes that she does not need you.
I feel like option 2 is the most likely scenario. I just don't know what "fair and reasonable" is.
I think fair and reasonable is to give her half of everything you have accumulated since you were married. She was working as hard as you were when you were at school.
Depends on how much that is as to whether she deserves some alimony. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: Desperately want to end wife's affair 
