Desperately want to end wife's affair

michzz · 02-01-2012, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morituri

She wouldn't be facing this situation if she had not decided to have an affair in the first place. As far as I'm concerned, she has reaped what she has sown.

Don't be a chump, you've drunk her koolaid long enough.

You were smart enough to have a prenup, think like that man again.

She knew the price of spreading her legs when she did it.

chapparal · 02-01-2012, 11:53 PM

I hate to say this but before long you're going to be offering to buy her a new bed for her and her new man. You have compelely gone off track. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT SHE IS SCREWING ANOTHER MAN. She did this to herself. Now she's guilting you with bullsh!t. You are giving up way to easy.

jnj express · 02-02-2012, 12:05 AM

Make sure your POST--NUP agreement has a duress clause

Many post--nups are thrown out by the judge, if there is not a duress clause

Also get it notarized

Saffron · 02-02-2012, 12:10 AM

Try to keep in mind that your wife chose to put her career on hold, perhaps you encouraged it or even preferred it but it was still her decision too. Many women continue to work or continue their education while raising a family. If she wanted it enough, you both could've ensured she was able to pursue her education and career.

Now your wife is feeling unfulfilled with her choices in life. She wants to blame others instead of taking action and making productive changes like going back to school or getting a job. Another man is not going to improve her perspective career choices, sounds more like she just doesn't want to work. Period. She'd rather have your financial support while she gets her emotional and physical satisfaction elsewhere.

Complexity · 02-02-2012, 02:56 AM

My sympathies have completely changed. I actually feel bad for your wife. First you cheated on her then subjected her to endless emotional abuse after she sacrificed so much for you. She has no reason to reconcile to be honest.

Beowulf · 02-02-2012, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chapparal

I hate to say this but before long you're going to be offering to buy her a new bed for her and her new man. You have compelely gone off track. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT SHE IS SCREWING ANOTHER MAN. She did this to herself. Now she's guilting you with bullsh!t. You are giving up way to easy.

Beowulf · 02-02-2012, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saffron

Try to keep in mind that your wife chose to put her career on hold, perhaps you encouraged it or even preferred it but it was still her decision too. Many women continue to work or continue their education while raising a family. If she wanted it enough, you both could've ensured she was able to pursue her education and career.

Now your wife is feeling unfulfilled with her choices in life. She wants to blame others instead of taking action and making productive changes like going back to school or getting a job. Another man is not going to improve her perspective career choices, sounds more like she just doesn't want to work. Period. She'd rather have your financial support while she gets her emotional and physical satisfaction elsewhere.

She's trying to manipulate you into an open marriage without the actual marriage. She made the choice knowing there was a prenup. She could have made another choice that didn't involve her sleeping with another man. The more you give the more she'll feel entitled to. Is her attitude a good one for your kids to see in their mom? Shouldn't your children come to realize that there are consequences for every action. Well, your wife needs to learn this lesson now so you can both teach them that all important lesson later. If you give in to her crap your children will learn that as long as they whine and cry enough they'll get what they want. She dropped the ball. You need to be the good example now.

MissHim · 02-02-2012, 08:42 AM

The one thing I can tell you is losing my husband was the worst thing that has even happened in my life.

I divorced him and regret it more than anything. But I know there was nothing he could do to prevent me from divorcing him, especially begging for me to not divorce him. But after the fact I would have done anything to have him back.

It could be that NOT showing you want her may actually get her back.

My husband married again. I did not.

I wish you the best and much happiness in the future.

HaHa · 02-02-2012, 09:00 AM

Here is what I think you are not getting and it’s just my opinion…

If you were such a bad husband, she had the choice to leave and divorce you. Instead she chose to have an affair. Those were HER choices and the consequences from her actions are HERS to deal with. She knew you had an EA and she made the choice to stay with you. She knew you had a prenup and she knew what was in it. Signing the prenup was also her choice. I don’t think you owe her a thing. You might have done some crappy things as a husband, but it is not your fault for her choices. It kind of sounds like you are treating her like a child who had no control for her actions. It sounds like you are trying to make the excuse because you were a bad husband so that’s why she had an affair when in reality she had an affair because she wanted to when she could have left if she was so unhappy.

Devastated2 · 02-02-2012, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complexity

My sympathies have completely changed. I actually feel bad for your wife. First you cheated on her then subjected her to endless emotional abuse after she sacrificed so much for you. She has no reason to reconcile to be honest.

I agree. In my heart, I feel like I don't deserve another chance. But, I want to reconcile with my wife so bad that I can't stand it.

It's killing me inside. What can I do to change her mind and want to reconcile with me?

Devastated2 · 02-02-2012, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SadSamIAm

I think fair and reasonable is to give her half of everything you have accumulated since you were married. She was working as hard as you were when you were at school.

Depends on how much that is as to whether she deserves some alimony.
Posted via Mobile Device

This sounds like a much more balanced opinion. Thank you.

I already have need to work on being a more kind and generous person. I feel like some of the commenters are almost as cold as I am.

My wife worked her ass off and sacrificed a ton for me. That doesn't make her affair justified, but I feel like I need to prove to her that she is more important to money to me.

I'm so confused.