Good Luck. Do not give up on your wife. If you know she is remorseful and is a good mom again then give it your all to see if you guys can work it out.She need to earn that first..
Fightin for Love,
I commend you for getting on this site.
Normaly i would agree with tat statement.But laying to her
is one thing.But believing we would to..*sigh*
None of us make it easy on a WS. You have a good husband. I hope you fight for your marriage with every breath.
I hope both of you guys get the help you need to deal with each of your issues.
Do not give up. You guys could be inspirational for a lot of people on this site.
thank you happyman, i am trying its hard to stay with someone who does this,but i know she was in a bad place at the time.like i said getting past the lies is the hardest part...and thanks shaggy for the cheaterville advise they are now on the site along with her bff.she put them on,not me.
While there is no excuse for her lies during that period, you have to put things in to perspective in order for you to move on with your life whether or not you choose to remain married. Lying and deceiving is part of the behavior of almost all cheating spouses. Rarely will you find a cheating spouse who will confirm that he/she is having an affair when their spouse asks him/her straight out. Keep also in mind that you weren't the only person she was lying and deceiving, she first lied and deceived to herself in order to justify her having sex with the OM. She betrayed herself first.
If you truly want to reconcile then make sure that you don't sabotage your efforts by becoming verbally or emotionally abusive towards her and be willing to get professional counseling to manage your emotional high and lows caused by the emotional roller coaster. She in turn must always think of you first before doing anything that can trigger you, such as if she is invited by another female friend to a party, out to dinner or on an out of town trip AND continue with professional counseling to resolve the issues that caused her to act is such destructive ways (affairs and alcohol abuse).
Again I must repeat this, BOTH of you MUST heal for your sakes as well as your children's no matter what the outcome of the marriage turns out.
the verbal assalts did not last long it was mostly me calling her every nasty thing you could call a women and i did tell her i was sorry for that,as far as going to a party or an out of town trip...not gonna happen.
the verbal assalts did not last long it was mostly me calling her every nasty thing you could call a women and i did tell her i was sorry for that,as far as going to a party or an out of town trip...not gonna happen.
I agree..... Not gonna happen! Posted via Mobile Device
I feel like she betrayed our children as well as me.I hope they never find out.I also worry if the marriage can survive all off this,I want it to work and I believe it will but that doesn't mean I don't worry about it Posted via Mobile Device
"I had depression and pushed her away, for about a year I was out off touch with her and the kids,she would tell me to get help but I would not listen"
This is the key point that I picked up on in your original post. This of course does not excuse your W's extramarital sexual encounters, however you do need to realize that you are responsible for your portion of the failure of the marriage. I went through this for 6 years with a H having serious mental health issues and not listening to my pleas that he get help. Depression is a very selfish disease... it envelopes the suffer so much so s/he doesn't realize the damage, hurt and pain it causes to those around them. This is utterly emotionally draining to those that love you. I am not surprized that your W looked elsewhere for the emotional bonding and support that she had every hope finding in you... but actually the reverse happens... you more than likely were the emotional drained her and gave nothing in return. She cannot emotionally trust you with her heart...this is your part you need to rebuild if you wish to save the marriage.
I truly hope that you have found the professional help you need. Make yourself whole and healthy... and from there you can perhaps rebuild a relationship with your wife and children.
Her behavior is not showing this at all, I don't think she's out looking for emotional bonding. It's more the thrill, the partying etc. Both have issues here obviously, I worry more about hers though.
The key now is being honest with each other about your marriage.
Start there and get the help you need.
You both have the chance to start over.
Your relationship going forward will be what the two of you make it! It will be hard but if you love each other, can be honest with each other then take it one day at a time.
i have been honest with her,my first reaction when she said she wanted to work it out was to stay together and work on the relationship but get legally divorced,maybe it was to punish her but i want to protect myself as well, i will not go through this again,it sucks the life out of you.especially when you knew for four and a half months that she did it.but i didnt want to say anything until i had the smoking gun so that she could not lie out of it. i just cannot believe the reaction from her friends i had no idea women could be like that.i mean there is a friend who is married with 3 children and stone drunk and instead of trying to stop her they all said way to go.you deserve this.and one of them wanted to know how big his d##k was ! they say you can tell alot about a person from the company they keep.
I feel like she betrayed our children as well as me.I hope they never find out.I also worry if the marriage can survive all off this,I want it to work and I believe it will but that doesn't mean I don't worry about it Posted via Mobile Device
She betrayed everybody, including herself BUT if you are really serious about wanting to work at marital recovery you are going to have to monitor your own negative thoughts and stop them before they overwhelm you with anger and bitterness.
The_guy has said something really good regarding his wife's past infidelities "I will not allow my wife's past behavior define who I am." You may want to consider his approach.
Good luck movin on hope you can figure a way to make this work...please for your sake insist on std testing...let's be real 2 drunk people randomly meet and wow there's protection used??? yeah right not 100 percent sold on that. Also though I must ask you say she got rid of all her friends from this time period. so does this mean that she is home with you all the time, as a female i think friends are important so does this mean she can no longer do things with her friends? So she goes from this wild lifestyle to hermit how long do you think she will be happy with that? It's alot to ask of anyone. So do you say you trust her because she is with you all the time??? Cheaterville seriously? W did you put your name on the site also?? I don't see how it is productive to try and ruin other peoples lives just because you were caught in lies.
i still have friends ......i'm not a hermit.the main 2 people who needed to go.....i got rid of . one was an old high school friend i re -connected with on facebook .....some people are in your past for a reason.....she should have stayed there and the other was my friend for 27 years......she was like the 3rd person in our marriage.
that being said ....they in no way held a gun to my head and made me cheat.....i take full responsibility.
i did have protected sex everytime and i am getting tested. as for the other things suggested like the post-nup and the polygraph....i would do both in a heartbeat....all he has to do is say the word.
[QUOTE=fightingfor love;577806]i still have friends ......i'm not a hermit.the main 2 people who needed to go.....i got rid of . one was an old high school friend i re -connected with on facebook .....some people are in your past for a reason.....she should have stayed there and the other was my friend for 27 years......she was like the 3rd person in our marriage.
that being said ....they in no way held a gun to my head and made me cheat.....i take full responsibility.
i did have protected sex everytime and i am getting tested. as for the other things suggested like the post-nup and the polygraph....i would do both in a heartbeat....all he has to do is say the word.Its good that you used protection,every time.
But iīm wondering one thing.First guy! Ok drunken "mistake"..
Sadly it happenīs. But the other two??Considering you never
meant anything to happen.So who brought the condoms??
Men does not carry a few condoms in their wallet,around
all the time.Like just in case. Only happenīs in geek movies..
People can believe ,what the want but most drunken one night standīs.Does not involve condoms..You would be surprised..
One of those people keep saying.But do not wanna admit..
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Re: What now? 
