Just be honest. Yeah, I looked at your phone; you were making me suspicious. And apparently I was right to be suspicious. Are you going to cut all contact with Joe? If so, I will do the same with Jane.
How many texts emails a month does your wife and OM exchange? You said she hangs onto her phone. Do you hang onto your phone texting Jane? How many texts emails do you exchange with Jane? How serious/long was your wife's relationship with Joe?
Did yop tell Jane your marriage was a failure? Did you cut her off sexually when the baby was born? She said sex was very important to her, what happened?
Jane helped your with your wedding/marriage, how has Joe helped? You lied about one instance, she's lied your whole marriage.
Make a list and go over it with her. Do not get angry or show weak kneed emotion.
Good points. I'll add those ones to my list. I sent her an email stating "let's talk tonight."
Do not play that game. She needs to come clean point blank. Do not give her one inch of what you do or don't know. She will try with 100% of her energy to pry out what you know before she comes clean.
This is exactly what I did on my d-day and I firmly believe if I would have answered different my wife would have continued lying to me. I told her very clearly, "What I know is irrelevant, you need to come clean with me about EVERYTHING, and if I you are lying about any of it, I am leaving." That's when I got the truth.... Up until that point, she would only tell me things that I could prove. Don't make my mistake. There's obviously something she is trying to hide.
Second, and this is very important, don't be a dumba**. Both Jane and Joe need to be out of the picture. I don't care what you think about her, your wife isn't on board with it and it makes her uncomfortable. End it 100% and don't look back. Your wife is more important than any Jane.
I am not saying you should not sacrifice your relationship with Jane. However, Jane is just a red herring to throw you off the scent. Otherwise she would have brought Jane up before. She has never shown any jealousy of Jane in the past right? Spouses are generally jealous of exes though. If she had a problem with Jane you would have heard about it. Was she mentioned in any of her texts?
Do not let on in any way how you know about her texts etc. Just say something like, you know you can't keep a secret around here.
Did you have anything to do with her breaking up with Joe? Could he have revenge as a motive? Has he dissed her marriage to her?
Men are always trying to fix problems. That is why BH are always in their own fog. Husbands of cheating wives always think their wives will have an epiphany and see how wonderful their men truly are. They think there will somehow be this romantic reconciliation and everyone will live happily ever after. Unfortunately that almost never happens. Let me be clear about this: YOU CAN'T FIX THIS! THERE WILL NOT BE A ROMANTIC HAPPY ENDING!
Your wife is the only one that can fix her mess. You cannot control her. You can only control you. And if by some chance she does decide to end contact with the OM it will not be smooth. It will not be pretty. It will not be easy.
Your marriage in its current form is over. Building a new marriage will be hard work. But it can be done and it can be rewarding. Just remember nothing truly good is easy to get or easy to keep.
How many texts emails a month does your wife and OM exchange? You said she hangs onto her phone. Do you hang onto your phone texting Jane? How many texts emails do you exchange with Jane? How serious/long was your wife's relationship with Joe?
Did yop tell Jane your marriage was a failure? Did you cut her off sexually when the baby was born? She said sex was very important to her, what happened?
Jane helped your with your wedding/marriage, how has Joe helped? You lied about one instance, she's lied your whole marriage.
Make a list and go over it with her. Do not get angry or show weak kneed emotion.
My communication with Jane is maybe 1 phone call per month and all of us going to dinner or her stopping by to see us and the baby for an hour. I'm totally fine with NC with Jane and even told her it might be a reality (much to her dismay at losing a friend, but she understood)
As far as I can tell, her emails and texts are sporadic but often enough that she in certainly in closer communication than I am with my friend. Sometimes a gap of a month, but recently (in January when she started venting about her marriage) it's heated up. That's why I posted on this board to begin with. Saw it escalating.
Just be honest. Yeah, I looked at your phone; you were making me suspicious. And apparently I was right to be suspicious. Are you going to cut all contact with Joe? If so, I will do the same with Jane.
I think he should say " How I know ain't the point." Better yet "Who told me doesn't matter" Red Herrings for everyone! Never reveal your sources iwritten in stone, right?
I am not saying you should not sacrifice your relationship with Jane. However, Jane is just a red herring to throw you off the scent. Otherwise she would have brought Jane up before. She has never shown any jealousy of Jane in the past right? Spouses are generally jealous of exes though. If she had a problem with Jane you would have heard about it. Was she mentioned in any of her texts?
Do not let on in any way how you know about her texts etc. Just say something like, you know you can't keep a secret around here.
Did you have anything to do with her breaking up with Joe? Could he have revenge as a motive? Has he dissed her marriage to her?
Actually, she has had issues with Jane in the past, but got over them. Jane is kinda quirky and rubs people the wrong way sometimes even though she means well. My wife isn't a huge fan of that even if she recognizes that Jane is a good person. I think she knows deep down that there is a difference.
Ex`s for friends is NEVER a good idea and now you know why.
She`s using jane to justify her betrayal and because jane is still in your life (Even though she shouldn`t be) she`s actually got a point in her justification.
I think he should say " How I know ain't the point." Never reveal your sources iwritten in stone, right?
I think she knows because her phone is quirky and saves drafts at the top, which accidentally happened. So she knows I went on it, no point in denying it. I don't need to give her anything else to load in a gun.
Has she given you a list of things/reasons why she thinks she chose bad again? It constantly amazes my how many people get blindsided be their spouse when they think things are going great. I mean, sometimes one spouse will turn into a demon in a heartbeat.
I am not saying you should not sacrifice your relationship with Jane. However, Jane is just a red herring to throw you off the scent. Otherwise she would have brought Jane up before. She has never shown any jealousy of Jane in the past right? Spouses are generally jealous of exes though. If she had a problem with Jane you would have heard about it. Was she mentioned in any of her texts?
Do not let on in any way how you know about her texts etc. Just say something like, you know you can't keep a secret around here.
Did you have anything to do with her breaking up with Joe? Could he have revenge as a motive? Has he dissed her marriage to her?
I don't know much about their relationship, but I do not believe they dated long, and they met in another state. According to her (when we first started dating), he still liked her but she just didn't connect with him and she dated several other people after him. She has things in common with him though (like marathon running) and they talk about that stuff alot. I believe she broke it off with him and moved to another state. He does not live here but i think he has friends or family here and visits from time to time (couple times a year maybe).
I think she knows because her phone is quirky and saves drafts at the top, which accidentally happened. So she knows I went on it, no point in denying it. I don't need to give her anything else to load in a gun.
Then you need new sources of information. You need to see all her texts. Especially all past texts. She may have literally been talked out of the marriage.
Then you need new sources of information. You need to see all her texts. Especially all past texts. She may have literally been talked out of the marriage.
I don't think so, I have seen enough to know they only recently (within the past week recent) have even started mentioning her marriage.
Has she given you a list of things/reasons why she thinks she chose bad again? It constantly amazes my how many people get blindsided be their spouse when they think things are going great. I mean, sometimes one spouse will turn into a demon in a heartbeat.
No but I plan to review this with the MC and her when I can get it scheduled. I'd love to know too. She just can't seem to put it in words when I ask her...she's just vague (we don't have much in common, we thing differently)
Men are always trying to fix problems. That is why BH are always in their own fog. Husbands of cheating wives always think their wives will have an epiphany and see how wonderful their men truly are. They think there will somehow be this romantic reconciliation and everyone will live happily ever after. Unfortunately that almost never happens. Let me be clear about this: YOU CAN'T FIX THIS! THERE WILL NOT BE A ROMANTIC HAPPY ENDING!
Your wife is the only one that can fix her mess. You cannot control her. You can only control you. And if by some chance she does decide to end contact with the OM it will not be smooth. It will not be pretty. It will not be easy.
Your marriage in its current form is over. Building a new marriage will be hard work. But it can be done and it can be rewarding. Just remember nothing truly good is easy to get or easy to keep.
This is what I am coming to grips with. I just hope she is willing to consider working on it. That's a question I have not gotten a clear answer on yet. (and frankly, i'm alittle scared to know the answer)
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Re: My wife says she made a mistake 
