Bad MC stories?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 01-30-2012, 12:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Bad MC stories?

Got inspired to create this thread from another thread. Seems there is a lot of people claiming to be MC out there that give terrible advice and hurt more than they help. Share your stories. I am currently trying a new MC because our first was a bone head. Actually asked me if I think about my wife's affair everyday. This was in the first session after dday 1. Everyday.....how about every minute. The only advice we ever got (mostly she listened to my wife talk, most of the time not even about our marriage) was to buy a PVR to record my favorite sports team to watch it at a more convenient time. Great...my wife slept with another man so we should buy a PVR?????? I'm so glad I found this site and the marriage builder site. I don't know where I would be without them.
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Old 01-30-2012, 12:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bad MC stories?

I'll repeat what I said previously

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Originally Posted by Almostrecovered View Post
MC will not work if a spouse, lies, tries to justifies an affair, is continuing an affair or just plain isn't willing to work on being open and addressing problems

if a WS is hiding an affair then the MC becomes a venue for the WS to make the BS make all sorts of changes for naught
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Old 01-30-2012, 12:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bad MC stories?

Interesting fact.... according to a national survey, 80 percent of all private practice therapists in the United States say they do marital therapy. And only 12% of them are in a profession that requires even one course or any supervised experience.
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Old 01-30-2012, 01:01 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bad MC stories?

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I'll repeat what I said previously




if a WS is hiding an affair then the MC becomes a venue for the WS to make the BS make all sorts of changes for naught
Yep. Well said.
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Old 01-30-2012, 01:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bad MC stories?

I've been wondering how many MCs were cheaters in their life. If the same general statistics applies, must be quite a few.
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Old 01-30-2012, 02:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bad MC stories?

Here is a very interesting article "HOW THERAPY CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR MARITAL HEALTH"... It's a bit dated but addresses the pitfalls of marriage counseling and gives some horror stories and tips on choosing a therapist HERE
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Old 01-30-2012, 03:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bad MC stories?

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Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach View Post
Here is a very interesting article "HOW THERAPY CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR MARITAL HEALTH"... It's a bit dated but addresses the pitfalls of marriage counseling and gives some horror stories and tips on choosing a therapist HERE
Excellent article by Bill Doherty. I am also curious to see these responses as I am always trying to improve myself as a marriage counselor. I would also be interested to know what was helpful with MC.
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Old 01-30-2012, 10:01 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bad MC stories?

My therapist wasn't bad. But all we talked about was my mother. We never once in 8 sessions discussed the marriage.. I actually told him I don't give a shat about my mother. Lol. He is probably an awesome individual therapist.

My one acquaintance is a marriage therapist. He actually said he can tell in the first session if one out of the couple is fleecing him and is there for the "motions", or if both in the marriage are truly committed to trying to save it. Scary thought. But then again, my therapist probably saw right through my WW, just going through the motions while still deep into her affair, so maybe he thought he'd give me some monies worth and talk about my mother. Ha ha.
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Old 01-31-2012, 03:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Our MC had us buy and read "After the Affair" after the first session. We both read it and then we never once talked about anything in the book other than "So, what did you think about the book". I expected, somehow, that we were supposed to do some of the exercises and lists in the book but..........nothing.
My husband recounted the entire affair in great detail, I was never asked to do the same, nor was there any time to do so.
I was looking for some sort of instructions, advice or insights from the MC but I got nothing other than "Be a good wife!"
During the last session, the MC asked me if I was willing to live in a loveless marriage for a couple of years because that was, in his opinon, better for the kid than divorcing right away.

Today, we are having a lot of fun with each other, we laugh, we support each other, sex life is great, we are building our business together, talking about buying that boat to spend our Sundays floating around on the lake, we are about to buy a new home. We don't ever fight about anything.

I know my husband didn't just forget about the affair and he still has bad days here and there. He doesn't want to talk about it though, I've tried and it went nowhere. He told me he needs to work on these "issues" by himself so I'm giving him all the space he needs.
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Old 02-01-2012, 09:49 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bad MC stories?

Quote:
Originally Posted by alphaomega View Post
My therapist wasn't bad. But all we talked about was my mother. We never once in 8 sessions discussed the marriage.. I actually told him I don't give a shat about my mother. Lol. He is probably an awesome individual therapist.
I've got this great comic in my office of a client/patient who has utterly destroyed a therapist's office and is very angrily staring down the therapist to which the therapist replies, "Okay, let's talk about your mother another time."

It is important for the therapist to deal with the issues that you want to deal with, and not to have his/her own agenda.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:38 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bad MC stories?

I stumbled across a funny statistic today about infidelity...

Quote:
Medical field(s) with the highest divorce rate: psychiatrists and marriage counselor

Infidelity Facts - Infidelity Statistics

I giggled hard when I found it.

I don`t know anything about the veraciy of the stat but it wouldn`t surprise me in the least.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:54 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bad MC stories?

That`s a scary article Pit.

This part is why I`d have to be more desperate than I`ve ever been in my life to ever walk into a therapists office for any reason.

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The result is, in my opinion, is that it is dangerous in America today, to talk about your marriage problems with a therapist. You donít know what their attitude is. (Applause.) I donít have any research on this, but I believe you may have a better than even chance of having your marriage harmed.
I got roughed up here awhile back for stating the exact same opinion.

It would have been nice to have this article back then to post as a rebuttal.

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