NatashaYurino

This is exactly why I don't really like this kinds of events. Most men will tell you that if you trust your bf/husband then you should show it to him and not worry and that it's all harmless.

Yet most of the times those same men know exactly what's going to happen when they get there. They know that the gf/wife is right about not trusting her bf/husband. Yet they make her feel guilty for doing so.

And then when she finds out, those same men will try and tell her to forgive the guy because it was only sex and it didn't mean anything to him.

Usually those men use arguments that would NEVER save a woman had she been the one to cheat on her bf/husband in the same scenario.

That is why I always get suspicious about my SO taking part on these kind of activities, because I know that his friends will tell him to go ahead and "have fun". That's why women find so hard trusting men.

PS.:I am in no way saying some women don't behave in the same manner. I am only giving you my two cents on how I see this situation from my woman's point of view.

ashamed74

Maybe future couples should just get a free pass for the bachelor/bachelorette parties. I'd be curious to see how many guys would go along with this. The worst story I ever heard was the story of where a woman delivered a baby of different race due from having sex with a man of another race at the bachelor party. The whole thing was a surprise to both the husband and wife. The husband walked straight out of the hospital to the divorce attorneys office. Wow

NatashaYurino

I kind of agree with you. If BOTH agree that for that event only things can be allowed to get a little wild, then it does not classify as cheating. But most couples would not like that idea. The problem is that most people (men AND women) have double-standarts. They want to go wild at their BPs but get pissed off at the thought of their SO doing the same.

ashamed74

Some couples are honest about playing. They are called swingers. As much as me and my wife fantasize about going there we both aren't sure we could handle it. We both think, "be careful what you wish for". Besides what we have going on now is plenty exciting.

ChristopherConnor29

Personally if I ever get married I would not want any strippers. I know I have at least one friend who would want me to do certain things, for the sake of fun. And I know if I did those things I would have to lie forever.

I guess the big problem with bachelor/bachelorette parties, is that for most people that is one event when all the every day rules of the relationship do not apply. And they hold on to this idea so they can behave in ways which they know are wrong.

Just becuase one is able to rationalize something that happened that day, is does not mean their future spouse has to accept it.

I believe MANY people now-a-days cannot not truly be trusted in that sort of event! Just my two cents of course.

Beowulf

Heck, during my bachelor party we all went to a hockey game. I guess we're boring.

Dexter Morgan

Its only the norm for people who shouldn't be getting married in the first place.


Yes, its cheating. And anyone who thinks they need a last hurrah before they get married, shouldn't be walking down the aisle.


Divorce them. Just like I already did. Now of course my X cheated during marriage. But the fact she cheated before marriage pretty much dictated the kind of wife she'd end up being anyway.

ChristopherConnor29

I agree with you. I believe that certain activities are for when you are truly single and have nobody to hurt. This goes for men and women, of course.

I am not a stripclub guy myself, have only been three times with friends when I was in my early 20s. But if I were into stripclubs I would be smart enough to "overdose" on them now that I am single. That way I might even be a little embarrassed of something that might happen in there, but at least I would not be cheating on anyone.

I don't see any problem celebrating this moment (getting married) in your life with your friends as long as you don't do anything that could screw up your marriage before it even begins.

Falene

In my perspective, a Bachelor/Bachelorette party isn't going to make anyone do something they aren't already doing or going to do anyways.

Would it be considered cheating? Anytime you pledge yourself to another and betray that trust you are cheating. Duh.

Is it on the same level of breaking your marriage vows? I am sure the faithful partner would certainly think so.

Mrs Chai

I live in a college town which has a surprising amount of weddings so a large amount of bachelor/bachelorette parties occur in this area. I would say about 75% of the ones I've been to or heard of had some sort of occurrence in them that would undoubtedly piss off the soon-to-be SO if they heard about it.

I personally find any action that you would be upset with being reciprocated by another man/woman to your SO shouldn't be done. If you feel betrayed by it, then is that not a form of cheating?

I was at my husbands BP, though it was his choice. At the time I was not sure how I felt if he had gone to a strip club or hired a stripper. It made me uncomfortable, which I shared, and he respected that by requesting for that not to be an option. We ended up playing Whirlyball and eating pizza with the groomsmen and bridesmaids.

Had he gone to a strip club? I would not have been happy. Though I never strictly forbade him to go, I wanted it to be his choice. Had he gone beyond that and cheated? Right away, I probably would have called off the wedding. If we were married a while and he came forward about it it'd take a lot of transparency and most likely some MC to stay together.

I'm not a big fan of BPs since I find most of them condone behavior I can't stand. I usually leave before things get too rowdy our out of control. Though there are always stories for the next meetup.

One I went to (that I left nearly right away) involved a video camera, a couch, and a hired escort. That was the evening entertainment, after the ****tails. smh

NatashaYurino

From the stories I have read about such events, the biggest problem for both and men and women, is that they most likely have at least one friend who will suggest them do something a bit too sexual in order to say goodbye to the care-free lifestyle they won't have anymore.

The thing is that many times the brides/grooms actually take those suggestions and then rationalize it was a one-time thing, it was just for fun, it didn't mean anything to them and all those excuses which do not dimish the severity of their actions.

That is why these kinds of events make me worried. I have, in the past, been cheated on by a bf on his birthday party, and he did so with a stripper. Well, she had sex with him so I guess that would make her a prostitute also.

But anyway, before he went to the party he gave a massive guilty trip in order for me to be okay with the whole thing. He said a lot of things but the main message was: "Fine if you don't want me to go I won't, but... I will always remember you as a controlling gf!" I changed my mind and it backfired on me BIG time.

A lot people say that it's all about trust. But I don't really see it that way, at least not 100%. After all what's so great about being able to trust your SO if they choose no to honor the trust you place on them?

Like I said the issue I have with these events is that most of the times people will use them as an excuse to do things they believe cannot be consider cheating, at least not in that one occasion.

But that's just me, I know everyone may see it in a different manner.