Houstondad

**As many of you know, my STBXW has been living in another state and yesterday skyped with my kids. This time she said ,"guess who is sitting next to me?". It turns out it's her BFs kids who are about the same age as ours 5,10. My kids had met these kids when they had a sleep over at the STBXW BF's house when they visited during X-mas. My kids just think they're all friends of mommy. But a sleepover?
Anyways, I was pissed. Didn't say anything to STBXW but I was just mad. My kids may be young and naive, but I thought what the hell kinda message do you send our kids who's mother chose to live thousands if miles away and is hanging out with someone else's kid. I just don't know what to do when my oldest begins to put this BS together. Did mommy just replace me with another kid? Does mommy like those kids better than us? WTF?!?
I wouldn't be so mad if this had not happened so soon in the seperation and now divorce process. We just started the divorce process. Just ranting. Sorry.:
After posting this in the wrong forum on accident, I Spoke with my children's therapist and she felt it was best to discuss my concerns with STBXW, but to be careful about mentioning it to kids since they seem oblivious to it... for now. Thing is, my STBXW interprets just about anything I say now as manipulative or criticizing. Sigh.

karole

What a piece of work she is.....be glad you are ridding yourself of such a parasite.

lordmayhem

I don't remember you mentioning that the OM is there. I thought it was an EA? So I was right after all, she does have an OM over there in Wisconsin. All the signs were there.

She's either rubbing it in your face, or she's one of the delusional ones who think you can be friends after the divorce and that you should be happy for her.

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PHTlump

You may be able to get a judge to agree that, during the divorce, your kids should not be exposed to the OM, or his kids.

However, your wife will see that as sour grapes and think that you should be happy for her in her new, perfect life.

asylumspadez

I have experianced a similar thing as a child and it hurts more then you know. My mom left my dad and I visited her once at her bf's place. His children were there and she was more of a mother to his kids then to myself and my siblings. Sorry dont mean to jack your thread, Just trying to relate to the situation.

Anyways, I would definently talk to your ex about it because it does hurt a lot. Also your oldest child already sees whats going on and I wouldnt be suprised to see your child (and possible your other one) resent their mom later on in life.

Hicks

Your therapist thinks its better to lie to your kids and let them figure it out? Therapist does not think that children are owed a truthful explanation of something that dramatically affects them? The therapist does not think that children should learn about values, right and wrong, and accountabilities in life? I 'm not a professional, but that does not make any sense whatsover to me.

Tall Average Guy

There is a difference between not mentioning it to the kids and lying. If the kids ask, then answer them truthfully in an age appropriate manner. But that does not mean you necessarily need to tell the kids what their mom is doing the minute the skype turns off.

ing

It is delusional and a whole world of pain is there for her,your kids, her Bf and her BF's kids. Even in an ideal relationship where there are no lies, no hurt blending a family is an incredibly hard thing to do.

You need to tell your kids what is going on. You are lying to them by omission and they will have no parent that s treating them with the respect and honesty they deserve. Who do they go to for the truth?
Your older one will find out on his/her own very soon and then have to keep a secret from your younger child.

Your wife left you but she also left them and they need to see this. I am so sorry this is an awful, awful situation.
It is no longer about your stbxw . She will be VERY pissed but that is because it kills her fantasy that she can just replace you and then you can come over for dinner with your new GF in a few weeks.
Your therapist failed logic at school.

Houstondad

It's not the original OM. It's another guy who is also divorced. And she is delusional about the friends part.

Houstondad

You're not jacking my thread. No worries. And thank you for sharing a difficult part of your life. And it doesn't suprise me you were effected. I don't want my kids to go through what you had to go through. I just hope I know what to do when she starts asking questions or starts acting out.

Houstondad

I need to be careful with how I handle this with my kids. I feel they should know the truth, but I agree with keeping it age appropriate. I think the less confused they are, the better.

ing

wow.. Just wow. ANOTHER guy. In which case I take it back. "It is moms hew friend." Nothing you can do about it.

Tell you what though.. I'm glad its her new life and not mine. She has sent herself to hell.

AppleDucklings

My ex husband was taking our daughter on dates with him and the skankasaurus and her kids while we were still married. Asshat wanted our child to "get to know" Skanky and as he "transistioned" her into becoming part of his "new family" our innocent, baby girl would already be used to her and like her.

Gaaahh, that memory makes me wanna vomit...excuse me while I do.

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"said woman, take it slow, it'll work itself out fine. All we need is just a little patience."-Gun N Roses

Houstondad

So what happened? Is your ex and the skank still together. Or did Karma get involved?

SprucHub

Ok, I was going to be quiet because I have so little in common with this situation, except I have 4 children (2 - 7). First, a 5 year old is not old enough to comprehend this, and a 10 yr old may be at the worst age because she does understand (ex-mommy does not love her). Love of a child is unconditional - they come first, above oneself. A spouse can leave, move out, see other people, live/start a new family as long as he/she does not leave his/her old family. Leaving children thousands of miles away to go find yourself is unexplainable and unconscionable (sp?). Your STBXW abandoned your children. There was no real reason she moved so far away (e.g., a job), just that is where she wanted to be. A real parent would never move that far away unless there was an absolute necessity and even then only if it were temporary and in the best interest of the family (it would improve the long term financial picture) - never, ever, ever voluntarily. She loves herself more than them, plain and simple. That she likely spends more time with her bf's children then her own is otherworldly wrong. That she introduces her abandoned family to her new adopted family (maybe a temporary rent-a-family until she bleeds them too) is not bad or awkward, it is horiffic. As a person who is as wimpy as they come when it comes to confrontations with my W (although, my issues pale in comparison), I could not imagine not standing up for my children. You need to tell your STBXW that whatever is going on between the two of you is what it is, but the children she left do not need to see her having a great time in their absence with other children. In no circumstance should her bf's kids be seen or mentioned. Also, you should talk to your lawyer about custody issues. They should not be going there and seeing her happy without them (Picture it "5 yo son, this is timmy, he likes cowboys like you - you still like cowboys, right? I went with timmy to his soccer game yesterday and he scored a goal."). And spending half their summer there, away from their friends and home? Are you crazy? If she wanted to be with them she would not have left. I am sure she says "I missed you so much" to them. BS. She means she misses them not as much as she'd miss getting boned by new bf. She just doesn't want to make it seem like she is so terrible, that is why she is putting up the fight to see the kids. She is self-absorbed and expects to get what she wants. This is where the line should be drawn.