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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-02-2012, 12:19 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

Among other things--get your engagement ring back

You got a great gift---you found out ahead of time, before any kids/legal entanglements---that you have a cheater/liar/ conniver/deciever, and manipulator for a fiancee

Get out now, do not even entertain the thought of letting her weedle her way back in------if she would do this to you now, when you 2 are spose to be in the star-struck, hot passion, nothing else exists part of your relationship----think what she will be like 7 to 10 yrs., into a mge, when things are boring, the same old, same old---and she wants to spice up her life---she will cheat on you at the drop of a hat----take your gift, and run.
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Old 02-02-2012, 12:40 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

I agree with everyone posting that you should break off the engagement. It's been over a year since d-day for me and I'm still dealing with the emotional fallout of my H's infidelity. We have over 15 years together, two children, and all sorts of combinded assets but I still have moments of wondering "Can I do this?". I know it's normal to feel this way and it will take me at least another year (probably more) to recover from his betrayal. But honestly, I think I will always be damaged goods in how his infidelity has affected me and how I view relationships. So think long and hard about whether you want to start a marriage this way, because it doesn't get easier just because you have a ceremony.
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Old 02-02-2012, 01:06 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

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Originally Posted by jnj express View Post
Among other things--get your engagement ring back

You got a great gift---you found out ahead of time, before any kids/legal entanglements---that you have a cheater/liar/ conniver/deciever, and manipulator for a fiancee

Get out now, do not even entertain the thought of letting her weedle her way back in------if she would do this to you now, when you 2 are spose to be in the star-struck, hot passion, nothing else exists part of your relationship----think what she will be like 7 to 10 yrs., into a mge, when things are boring, the same old, same old---and she wants to spice up her life---she will cheat on you at the drop of a hat----take your gift, and run.





Start to run man, dont fall for her crocodile tears she would shed laughing inside. Dont trust her love bombings. Dont be her doormat and dont be a cucklod.
SO TAKE YOUR GIFT AND RUUUUUUN as far away as possible from this pathetic liar and cheater. If you miss this chance you will regret for this for your entire life.
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Old 02-02-2012, 02:04 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

Thanks everyone,

It looks like the unanimous recommendation is to end it. My logical mind agrees with this, but obviously as this is a big shock, the idea is inconceivable.

You've all made some very good points.

Has anyone got tips of how to proceed after breaking it off?
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Old 02-02-2012, 02:15 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

If you are willing to knowingly live with a cheater---who disrespects you, and was willing to put her marital status at risk, then you can stay if that is what you want---BUT---You need to definitely call the wedding off----and give the whole thing a lot more time----cuz in all honesty, you don't really know what you have for a partner---Do You??

She has to prove herself, she has to now earn your trust---the question then becomes, do you wanna become a probation officer, and always have to be checking on her---is that what you want in a partner---cuz that will just lead to a somewhat miserable existence for you.

If you are done---then just seperate, and delete her----tell her you are not gonna spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder, walking on eggshells, and always wondering what she is doing---that is not what mge., or a serious relationship is about.

Let's see how really serious she is----just split up, and ignore her---let's see how really badly she wants this relationship.
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Old 02-02-2012, 02:28 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Do not walk, RUN AWAY from her fast. This forum is littered with stories from betrayed spouses who had cheating fiance(e)s who later on went on to cheat after the marriage. Disregard this advice at your own peril.
Sadly i have to agree.

I know its tough pill to swallow.But read around here
and you will fully understand why, we feel this.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:19 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

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Originally Posted by parachute100 View Post
Thanks everyone,

It looks like the unanimous recommendation is to end it. My logical mind agrees with this, but obviously as this is a big shock, the idea is inconceivable.

You've all made some very good points.

Has anyone got tips of how to proceed after breaking it off?
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It won't be easy. What she has done is the wrose thing a woman can do to you. One poster said it hurt worse than when his first wife died of cancer. Thats because the cheating partner cose to do what she did.

First go to your doc for temporary meds. They see this a lot and it will help hou a bunch. Exercise and getting in shape help more than you will believe. Most of all lean on family and friends and don't hold it in. The upside is you can strt looking for new women to date.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:49 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

This is going to sound cold, but the way you break it off is, "I can't start a life with you given what you have done to me, good bye" and then walk away. You dont owe her an explanation and unless you're willing to let her talk you out of it any conversation, explanation or debate is only an attempt to make her feel better that isn't going to change the result. Therefore any conversation with her just becomes unnecessary and painful bleeding. If you have to cut someone's head off, best to do it with a sharp sword (just an analogy mods ).

If its over tell her it's over and then let it be over. Good luck.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:55 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

You have been given a gift. A little pain now, saves a lot of pain later. You're not even married and she is heals up under some other guy. Time to confront, dump her.
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Old 02-02-2012, 07:10 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by parachute100 View Post
Thanks everyone,

It looks like the unanimous recommendation is to end it. My logical mind agrees with this, but obviously as this is a big shock, the idea is inconceivable.

You've all made some very good points.

Has anyone got tips of how to proceed after breaking it off?
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exercise.
get support from family and friends.
I highly recommend reading the Married Man Sex Life Primer. There is a great section on what to look for in a future wife. Use this as an opportunity to empower yourself.
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Old 02-02-2012, 07:23 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

My man Oran "Juice" Jones wants to chime in.

Oran "Juice" Jones - The Rain - YouTube

Old School, but still applies today.
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Old 02-02-2012, 07:38 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

Quote:
Originally Posted by parachute100 View Post
Thanks everyone,

It looks like the unanimous recommendation is to end it. My logical mind agrees with this, but obviously as this is a big shock, the idea is inconceivable.

You've all made some very good points.

Has anyone got tips of how to proceed after breaking it off?
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What you are feeling is normal. Because you were not prepared for this, you are in shock from the surprise of it all. Your emotional side hasn't had time to prepare, so you're going to feel doubt and question all logical ideas.

What you need to do is get your mind back into logical mode and ask yourself some simple questions and I'll bet you can come up with the right answers. For example, picture yourself on that altar with her and she's reciting her vows about being faithful to you for the rest of your lives. Would you believe her? She already has proven she's not willing to uphold those vows to you and you guys haven't even sealed the deal yet.

And here's another huge point you need to think about... When you remove the "vows" from marriage, essentially all you are is a financial team. All your assets become joint/mutual assets. All your finances become hers. And if you get far enough along and have kids, and she's still cheating on you, you have to deal with questions on whether the kid is even yours or not, and if you divorce then now you're stuck paying alimony to her while she gets custody and you're all alone and up a creek.

So as much as this hurts now, come back to the logical side and realize you have been given a true gift here... to see this woman for who she really is before you actually make some lifelong commitment to her with irreversible financial consequences.

I am truly sorry for your discovery and all the pain you must be enduring, but for that the TAM community is here for you to help you through this. However the one thing you need to do now is end your relationship with this girl... not tomorrow, not next week.... today. Be strong, and we will be here for you.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:46 AM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

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Originally Posted by parachute100 View Post
Thanks everyone,

It looks like the unanimous recommendation is to end it. My logical mind agrees with this, but obviously as this is a big shock, the idea is inconceivable.

You've all made some very good points.

Has anyone got tips of how to proceed after breaking it off?
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Honey, I've decided that anyone who would do what you've done behind my back with another man - is well not someone I could ever be married to. The two of us have very different boundaries and beliefs in what is acceptable in a relationship and especially marriage.

I hope he's worth it because you've killed this relationship for him.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:56 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

Do not marry her!

I thought my ex husband would stop cheating once we were married. No, he slept with any woman who would reciprocate. I was pregnant at the time, so I thought he would change. Wrong! I left a year later. One of his mistresses moved in 3 days after I left. He's cheated on her too, he told my daughter this when she was 15 years old and was proud of it.
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Old 02-02-2012, 09:09 AM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fiancée cheated with coworker

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Has anyone got tips of how to proceed after breaking it off?
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1) see a doctor if the depression/anxiety is bad
2) exercise regularly
3) cut out your exfiance completely out of your life, delete FB friends, block email and phone, go to different hang out spots, etc
4) get out and about- rely on friends and family to keep you busy, tell them straight up what happened and ask them to take you places to have fun (except bars, see below)
5) Avoid alcohol and drugs for a period of time
6) recognize that you may have a rebound relationship or two, keep dating light and don't dwell on your problems with the next GF
7) learn from this, know what boundaries are important to you and learn how to discuss them with the next serious partner
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