Most recently, it has been "you are a wonderful man, I don't deserve you" and "I can't be with you because I don't love myself"....
She has been going to IC on her own (3 or 4 sessions so far) and she has determined that she doesn't love herself.
She says that she never really had time to "find herself" because she was always in a relationship.
One of the fears she has is that she doesn't know who she is because she has never been alone!
She has always looked to me to try to fill whatever "happiness" she was looking for. Over the years, (and I agree with her) I haven't been my own person. I have molded into an extension of her - always trying to do things for her to keep her happy, to fill that "void", and to try to calm her overactive brain.
She doesn't know if 2 weeks is enough to find herself (I agree, fundamentally, because finding yourself takes your whole lifetime!) But she is not sure if 2 weeks will work - or 1 month - or 6 months - or a year!!! I told her that while I am supportive of her finding herself, I am not going to wait in Limbo. I need her to decide what she wants (obviously, I want to work it out and move forward!)
I deleted the fluff and left what I thought were the heart of the matter. See the pattern?
This is a common relationship and life problem, one that sounds all too familiar to my last relationship that ended with a broken engagement.
I know exactly what your wife is feeling. Even the overactive brain. She sounds like she is on the verge of the mid life crisis which often results in affairs.
I personally never cheated.
The real deal is she is just not happy in life.
For me it was unhappiness with work, where I live and my relationship. None of which fulfilled me. While my SO was a great woman that many men would be lucky to have, I was just bored.
We had great sex, but we lacked a rapport. And I could not imagine the rest of my life with out that.
Maybe that is what you guys lack?
The problem for you, like with my ex-fiance, is she can't wait around for me to "find myself".
You may just have to let her go.
It sounds like you are both young enough and no kids, so it may not be that complicated beyond the inital pain of separation.
If you can both be adults about it, it could be amicable.
Or if you want to give her time, it might work out.
I do miss my ex. It has been less than a month, one of my friends is trying to set me up with another girl, and I am not interested.
I feel terrible about what happened. Maybe I think too much. All I know is I was just not happy. Like my username.