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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-07-2012, 10:39 AM   #151 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

I already told him what he should do, but its falling on duff ear, because he dont have the nuts to do the needful, he know what to do, but will not.

If she talk to him again, she will definitely tie him on the lase of her panties and he will be very happy for that.

I can very well predict the end of this story, she will meet him and will say I am soooo sorry baby, I wonder how can I hurt you like this? i choose you to be with and i cant live without you, am incomplete without you blah blah blah....... Then he will say she is very remorseful and her ****ing was only a mistake and her ****ing OM was his mistake. Then happy ending with a duet song

Later few weeks or one or two months he will again will post a new thread wife is still ****ing OM what should I do? should I divorce her or remain silent?
We will say a lot then the story ends as earlier, it will continue till his death. poor guy.

Last edited by Kallan Pavithran; 02-07-2012 at 10:53 AM.
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Old 02-07-2012, 02:27 PM   #152 (permalink)
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Confu?ed - Because it seems you cannot avoid her, maybe it would help if you picture that he gave her herpes, crabs, and gonorrhea. She has it on her mouth, hands, in her hair, and, of course other places. And, she is pregnant with his baby and he has a video of causing this to happen. Because you cannot truly see how repugnant she is emotionally, maybe physical repugnance will help. She has no respect for you. You should respect yourself. The best way to save your marriage is to save yourself, otherwise you are just a doormat in a sham marriage. What if she asks you for some money to buy him a present.

File for D, and do not be a pushover about it. Things change on your terms or life goes on separately. Read some of Shamwow's postings, man up, don't pity yourself because you are not pitiful.
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Old 02-07-2012, 02:47 PM   #153 (permalink)
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Kallan - I sincerely hope not. I think he's doing fine. It's only been days since the A-bomb came into his reality, and he's played his hand as well as most of us could so far. Seems to me better than most...
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Old 02-07-2012, 04:55 PM   #154 (permalink)
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Sham is right.

I think confu?ed is still shell shocked from his W's Affair.

Stay the course confu?ed. Take your attorney's advice. Your WW is just playing you.

Protect yourself and take one day at a time. Keep moving forward to get out of this mess and improve your life without your wife.
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Old 02-07-2012, 05:36 PM   #155 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by confu?ed View Post
Most recently, it has been "you are a wonderful man, I don't deserve you" and "I can't be with you because I don't love myself"....

She has been going to IC on her own (3 or 4 sessions so far) and she has determined that she doesn't love herself.

She says that she never really had time to "find herself" because she was always in a relationship.

One of the fears she has is that she doesn't know who she is because she has never been alone!

She has always looked to me to try to fill whatever "happiness" she was looking for. Over the years, (and I agree with her) I haven't been my own person. I have molded into an extension of her - always trying to do things for her to keep her happy, to fill that "void", and to try to calm her overactive brain.

She doesn't know if 2 weeks is enough to find herself (I agree, fundamentally, because finding yourself takes your whole lifetime!) But she is not sure if 2 weeks will work - or 1 month - or 6 months - or a year!!! I told her that while I am supportive of her finding herself, I am not going to wait in Limbo. I need her to decide what she wants (obviously, I want to work it out and move forward!)
I deleted the fluff and left what I thought were the heart of the matter. See the pattern?

This is a common relationship and life problem, one that sounds all too familiar to my last relationship that ended with a broken engagement.

I know exactly what your wife is feeling. Even the overactive brain. She sounds like she is on the verge of the mid life crisis which often results in affairs.

I personally never cheated.

The real deal is she is just not happy in life.

For me it was unhappiness with work, where I live and my relationship. None of which fulfilled me. While my SO was a great woman that many men would be lucky to have, I was just bored.

We had great sex, but we lacked a rapport. And I could not imagine the rest of my life with out that.

Maybe that is what you guys lack?

The problem for you, like with my ex-fiance, is she can't wait around for me to "find myself".

You may just have to let her go.

It sounds like you are both young enough and no kids, so it may not be that complicated beyond the inital pain of separation.

If you can both be adults about it, it could be amicable.


Or if you want to give her time, it might work out.

I do miss my ex. It has been less than a month, one of my friends is trying to set me up with another girl, and I am not interested.

I feel terrible about what happened. Maybe I think too much. All I know is I was just not happy. Like my username.
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Old 02-07-2012, 06:04 PM   #156 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unhappy2011 View Post
I deleted the fluff and left what I thought were the heart of the matter. See the pattern?

This is a common relationship and life problem, one that sounds all too familiar to my last relationship that ended with a broken engagement.

I know exactly what your wife is feeling. Even the overactive brain. She sounds like she is on the verge of the mid life crisis which often results in affairs.

I personally never cheated.

The real deal is she is just not happy in life.

For me it was unhappiness with work, where I live and my relationship. None of which fulfilled me. While my SO was a great woman that many men would be lucky to have, I was just bored.

We had great sex, but we lacked a rapport. And I could not imagine the rest of my life with out that.

Maybe that is what you guys lack?

The problem for you, like with my ex-fiance, is she can't wait around for me to "find myself".

You may just have to let her go.

It sounds like you are both young enough and no kids, so it may not be that complicated beyond the inital pain of separation.

If you can both be adults about it, it could be amicable.


Or if you want to give her time, it might work out.

I do miss my ex. It has been less than a month, one of my friends is trying to set me up with another girl, and I am not interested.

I feel terrible about what happened. Maybe I think too much. All I know is I was just not happy. Like my username.
Or it may just be the gobeldegook of a cheater rationalizeing screwing over her husband.
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Old 02-07-2012, 06:57 PM   #157 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unhappy2011 View Post
I deleted the fluff and left what I thought were the heart of the matter. See the pattern?

This is a common relationship and life problem, one that sounds all too familiar to my last relationship that ended with a broken engagement.

I know exactly what your wife is feeling. Even the overactive brain. She sounds like she is on the verge of the mid life crisis which often results in affairs.

I personally never cheated.

The real deal is she is just not happy in life.

For me it was unhappiness with work, where I live and my relationship. None of which fulfilled me. While my SO was a great woman that many men would be lucky to have, I was just bored.

We had great sex, but we lacked a rapport. And I could not imagine the rest of my life with out that.

Maybe that is what you guys lack?

The problem for you, like with my ex-fiance, is she can't wait around for me to "find myself".

You may just have to let her go.

It sounds like you are both young enough and no kids, so it may not be that complicated beyond the inital pain of separation.

If you can both be adults about it, it could be amicable.


Or if you want to give her time, it might work out.

I do miss my ex. It has been less than a month, one of my friends is trying to set me up with another girl, and I am not interested.

I feel terrible about what happened. Maybe I think too much. All I know is I was just not happy. Like my username.
i think your analysis is dead on. its all of the bridges she has burned, the lack of respect for me, the total disregard for our marriage, her selfishness, and her total lack of any remorse that is killing me.
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Old 02-07-2012, 08:48 PM   #158 (permalink)
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So soon she will be pregnant. Anyway, the question as to where she has been since the Supe Bowl was completely avoided a few times. If she went to the Supe Bowl with her OM she had sex with him big time that day. The night before as well.

She met this guy a couple of years at grad school. Had him as her "friend" for a year before you met. Then he was a friend of both of yours for a few months. He works in the same location as both of you. You never demanded she change jobs as you should have when you thought it was an EA. It was very much more than an EA for longer than you know. He gets off on banging some married guys wife. She gets off on him getting off on that. The humiliation is part of the thrill for them. That is why she came by and "chose you". That allowed her a huge opportunity to humiliate you even more during the party.

And yeah, she may be pregnant. She needs you to be the father while she has her sex with the Alpha guy.

Your turn to go find yourself. Divorce her and have a better life. This is not the woman you were looking for.
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Old 02-07-2012, 11:25 PM   #159 (permalink)
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I agree with Entropy3000.Now its your turn to find yourself.

Your wife has shown utter disrespect to u and marital boundaries

Tell her that u r divorcing her because u want to find yourself now.
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Old 02-08-2012, 08:10 AM   #160 (permalink)
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10-to-1, the WW and POSOM had a huge fight on Saturday, so she "chose" confu?ed. Then the POSOM apologized, and so they were back on, and how convenient that it would be for his SBP, so that they could adjourn to the bedroom while everyone else was watching a loud game...
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:43 AM   #161 (permalink)
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Yeah. It's hard to believe she didn't screw him again Sunday.
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Old 02-08-2012, 08:52 PM   #162 (permalink)
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So... told her tonight that I want D. We agreed on mediation. I know you all are going to rip into me and her, but you don't know what kind of people either of us are... you don't know how good of a person she really is. You all don't know what she truely has in her heart. She has been so f'd up in her head, she started actually believing her own crazy thoughts. She stopped looking inside her heart, stopped listening to what I was saying, stopped believing that she has a purpose in this world. The best way I can describe it to you is the movie "Inception"... she had a kernel of a negative thought. It was planted deep inside of her. She started noticing things that she didnt like about herself and then that kernal became truth. When you no longer love yourself, you forget what it means to be loved by others - you take advantage of those around you - you look for the easy out.
With all the hurt, all the pain, the shiddy last 8 months, we were able to make one promise to each other... if she promised to work on herself, to really figure out what makes her happy, to start listening to her heart and looking in the mirror, then I promised her that I could be her friend in the future.
She is going to have to do it on her own. She knows that she needs to. Otherwise, she will do it again. She knows she fkd up the one thing she could depend on. She knows what she lost. She has hit "bottom". My only hope for her is that she can take the time to figure herself out.

You all have been a great support for me over the last few days and I appreciate all that you have given me. I ask you for one other thing: Please do not continue bashing her. Does she deserve it, absolutely. But you don't know her as a person, except for what I have written in these posts. One thing is true -life will go on, and we are all people being people. Sometimes people "lose themselves" and it takes a while to find your path. I know it has happened to me and I am positive it has happened to you. Perhaps it didn't involve your husband or wife, but it happens to all of us. So please, be mad if that's what you need to be, but understand that there is a reason we fell in love -there is something special about that person. She was special to me. I know I was special to her. Sometimesyou just get lost.

Please pray for her. Please pray for me. I know we will need it.

Thanks again -
Confu?ed
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Old 02-08-2012, 09:24 PM   #163 (permalink)
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Did she want to reconcile?

Good luck confused. I apologize for some of the remarks made by posters. It is hard to imagine why people say some of the things they say when the whole purpose of this site is to help people. I know some things are said to wake people up but the more I see the more I think some people get a perverse pleasure in rubbing the waywards actions in the face of the hurting loyal spouse. I will pray for them too.

Good luck,best wishes and prayers for you and your wife. Sorry this has come to a sad end.

Chap
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:00 PM   #164 (permalink)
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Confused.....we judged by what you shared......I believe that the trait to cheat is foundational - if she truly had a good heart she would not have cheated -
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:09 PM   #165 (permalink)
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She has a good heart - she has a fd up head. That's why she cheated. Fundamentally, she is a good person. The actins of the last couple of months shouldn't negate every other moment in her life. She will fix herself, then she will be truely happy. And I hope she can love herself before she does this again.

I know that you judged by what I said, that's why I shared the above. (Also, this is very fresh for me and im def very sad currently. I still have compassion for others, even the STBXW... it let's me know that I still have my core values and ill be able to cope & come out the other side).
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