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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-03-2012, 08:51 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Quote:
Originally Posted by confu?ed View Post
she packed some stuff... i didn't go review that yet, but she def. had a bag.
You do know where she is right now don`t you?

You may want to do some checking just in case she wants back in so you can test her sincerity when she does.

If you know where the OM lives maybe not a bad idea to run a drive by to see if her car is there for certain.

Check those phone records again, if there`s no chatter between them since she left that`s because they`re together.

Remember what she said?

"I choose neither".

I`d bet my kids college fund she`s balling her eyes out on his couch right now.

She did choose and it wasn`t you.
NEVER forget that.

Edit:
Never mind, don`t do the drive by and don`t even check the phone records.

Stick to the 180 you know she`s with him right now anyway.
No sense in rubbing your own nose in it.
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Old 02-03-2012, 08:55 PM   #77 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Confused,

Let her go. Work on yourself.

Your wayward wife is very selfish. You are better off without her.

Your wife is also a big liar. Her finding herself is finding herself right into another relationship. Probably went physical too.

Definitely see an attorney. You should act as fast as you can to protect yourself. I would file for a divorce asap to throw her off balance. Also let your inlaws know about the contact she has had with om and how long it has been going on.

Use the 180 to improve. And you need to go dark on her.

I would go talk to your human resources dept. about their nonsense as well.

Good Luck and Keep posting. At least you see her true colors. Your wife is a cheater and a coward. You can do better. Go find a woman who knows who she is. I love that excuse!
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Old 02-03-2012, 08:56 PM   #78 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

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Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
You made no mistakes there.

Well done.

Do the 180 Chap posted, make it your new religion, follow it like dogma.

Hire a shark, seriously she`s not remorseful and very full of herself. You need a nasty lawyer.
You need to have her served ASAP, the divorce papers may enable her to "figure herself out" very quickly.
Talking about it is one thing, holding those papers in your hand is a whole different matter.

If you haven`t already start protecting money right now this minute online if you can. First thing Monday morning at the latest.

Did you check for any fraternization policies at work?

You lucked out with her leaving but the first thing a decent lawyer is going to tell her is to move back in, the house is in her name too after all

Keep checking your testicles, you`re going to need to be very ****ing alpha from here on out ( Not that you haven`t already but the emotional toll this takes is a *****)

Hit the gym, go out with friends, keep busy, anything to take your mind off of it during the course of your days is a good thing.

I`m very sorry she went this way confused.

She may come back, you may want to take her back and that`s just fine but you cannot make it easy for her.
She`s going to have a lot to prove before she can get back into your life.
im going to read the 180 steps everyday... im sure it is a great way to feel empowered.

..if I start moving money, wouldn't that lead to bigger problems down the road? or should i move half? i don't want to jump the gun on anything that could get me in trouble....


she is very remorseful - very confused - very unsure of herself.
like i said in the OP, she just doesn't know who she is anymore. But I do know this for certain - i gave her the option to choose me - the option to work on it together - the option to lean on me for support - and she still left. So that just confirms it for me.

I already told her before she left what it would take to come back to me. I said we will do the NC letter. You will give me all of your passwords and accounts. The problem is - "OM knows me better, and I wouldn't be here without his support" ("talked me off the ledge")- I am still holding to my gun here tho- any contact and it is sealed.
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Old 02-03-2012, 08:59 PM   #79 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
You do know where she is right now don`t you?

You may want to do some checking just in case she wants back in so you can test her sincerity when she does.

If you know where the OM lives maybe not a bad idea to run a drive by to see if her car is there for certain.

Check those phone records again, if there`s no chatter between them since she left that`s because they`re together.

Remember what she said?

"I choose neither".

I`d bet my kids college fund she`s balling her eyes out on his couch right now.

She did choose and it wasn`t you.
NEVER forget that.

Edit:
Never mind, don`t do the drive by and don`t even check the phone records.

Stick to the 180 you know she`s with him right now anyway.
No sense in rubbing your own nose in it.
i don't know where she is, but i know 1 of 2 places. I have already talked to the Inlaws and they said she was going there, so i guess ill believe them. They have been supportive of us our entire relationship. I can't thank them enough.

Im not going to drive anywhere. I don't need to.
I will check the records in the morning. (im not going to stress myself out further tonight.) que sera sera, right?
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Old 02-03-2012, 09:01 PM   #80 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

C,

She is in the "fog". The OM knows her better.

Leave the two cheaters together. They deserve each other.

Split your money. Go see an attorney. The D papers might wake her up, might not.

But do you really want to be her Plan B.

The choice is yours. But it is time to Alpha Man. Improve you. Work on bettering you.

Go dark on her. You will always be the fixer. That is no marriage.
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Old 02-03-2012, 09:09 PM   #81 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Quote:
Originally Posted by confu?ed View Post
..if I start moving money, wouldn't that lead to bigger problems down the road? or should i move half? i don't want to jump the gun on anything that could get me in trouble....
Sorry.
Yes don`t take more than half but you do want to take that half because she very well might take it all.

Quote:
she is very remorseful - very confused - very unsure of herself.
like i said in the OP, she just doesn't know who she is anymore. But I do know this for certain - i gave her the option to choose me - the option to work on it together - the option to lean on me for support - and she still left. So that just confirms it for me.
My friend she`s not remorseful.
She`s selfish.
Tears and words do not equate to remorse.
Here`s the best advice you can be given right now...
Actions..not words.
She`s saying one thing and doing another.
Completely ignore her words focus like a laser on her actions and you`ll know where her head is at all times.


Quote:
I already told her before she left what it would take to come back to me. I said we will do the NC letter. You will give me all of your passwords and accounts. The problem is - "OM knows me better, and I wouldn't be here without his support" ("talked me off the ledge")- I am still holding to my gun here tho- any contact and it is sealed.
She`s with him right now.
You think I`d wager that college fund lightly?

Why do you think her first response was "I`m calling him right now"?

She wouldn`t be here without HIS support?
"He knows her better"?
WTF confused?
You`re her husband, what are you chopped liver?

She`s dissing you and protecting him.
This is not the action of a remorseful woman.
This is the action of a selfish wayward lost in the fog.

Someone get confused a link to "The Fog" thread.

180
Protect the money
Shark lawyer
Divorce papers ASAP

In that order and focus on nothing else until these goals are met and meet them fast because you can be sure she will herself once the OM starts guiding her fogged mind and he`s doing that right now this minute.

Let her go.

Don`t forget to keep those testicles checked, I`m serious you need to be John ****ing Wayne for the foreseeable future.
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Old 02-03-2012, 09:15 PM   #82 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Quote:
Originally Posted by confu?ed View Post
i don't know where she is, but i know 1 of 2 places. I have already talked to the Inlaws and they said she was going there, so i guess ill believe them. They have been supportive of us our entire relationship. I can't thank them enough.
That`s a mistake.
Don`t trust the in-laws no matter how kind and loving they`ve been to you during the relationship.

They have a genetic priority to protect her over anyone and they will.
I`ve seen it a hundred times.
It`s often crushing to the BS who thought he/she had a good relationship with the in-laws.


Quote:
Im not going to drive anywhere. I don't need to.
I will check the records in the morning. (im not going to stress myself out further tonight.) que sera sera, right?

Don`t check the records.
Don`t drive by.
Don`t call her
Don`t talk to her
Pretend you never knew her name.
When you do have to talk to her it`s all business.

Read the 180 and live the 180.
It will get you through this.

You should read shamwows thread.

Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

His actions are a textbook model of what to do in your situation.
He wavers at first, you haven`t.
Keep it that way.
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:39 AM   #83 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
Sorry.
Yes don`t take more than half but you do want to take that half because she very well might take it all.



My friend she`s not remorseful.
She`s selfish.
Tears and words do not equate to remorse.
Here`s the best advice you can be given right now...
Actions..not words.
She`s saying one thing and doing another.
Completely ignore her words focus like a laser on her actions and you`ll know where her head is at all times.




She`s with him right now.
You think I`d wager that college fund lightly?

Why do you think her first response was "I`m calling him right now"?

She wouldn`t be here without HIS support?
"He knows her better"?
WTF confused?
You`re her husband, what are you chopped liver?

Sadly in many case.The do think that..Like here


She`s dissing you and protecting him.
This is not the action of a remorseful woman.
This is the action of a selfish wayward lost in the fog.

Someone get confused a link to "The Fog" thread.

180
Protect the money
Shark lawyer
Divorce papers ASAP

In that order and focus on nothing else until these goals are met and meet them fast because you can be sure she will herself once the OM starts guiding her fogged mind and he`s doing that right now this minute.

Let her go.

Don`t forget to keep those testicles checked, I`m serious you need to be John ****ing Wayne for the foreseeable future.
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Old 02-04-2012, 07:34 AM   #84 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Quote:
Originally Posted by happyman64 View Post
C,

She is in the "fog". The OM knows her better.

Leave the two cheaters together. They deserve each other.

Split your money. Go see an attorney. The D papers might wake her up, might not.

But do you really want to be her Plan B.

The choice is yours. But it is time to Alpha Man. Improve you. Work on bettering you.

Go dark on her. You will always be the fixer. That is no marriage.




Why you want to live your life with a person who dont love you, who consider you as a second quality material, who dont respect you, whoes priority is something other than you and your family.

Dumb her man, let she find herself by screwing OM, when she finished finding her out dont be there to take her back. If you take her back she will need to find out herself with some other OM. It will continue as a cycle for ever.
Man up man stand on your feet, dont look at her for support, she wont support you, she is not your wife anymore.

Last edited by Kallan Pavithran; 02-04-2012 at 07:39 AM.
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Old 02-05-2012, 10:02 AM   #85 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Any update confused?
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Old 02-05-2012, 03:43 PM   #86 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
That`s a mistake.
Don`t trust the in-laws no matter how kind and loving they`ve been to you during the relationship.

They have a genetic priority to protect her over anyone and they will.
I`ve seen it a hundred times.
It`s often crushing to the BS who thought he/she had a good relationship with the in-laws.



Don`t check the records. VT
Don`t drive by.
Don`t call her
Don`t talk to her
Pretend you never knew her name.
When you do have to talk to her it`s all business.

Read the 180 and live the 180.
It will get you through this.

You should read shamwows thread.

Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

His actions are a textbook model of what to do in your situation.
He wavers at first, you haven`t.
Keep it that way.
This.
The goal is to go full steam D and don't deviate.

What she is doing now is not important. Your goal is no longer to break up the A but protect yourself. She just as well have slapped you in the face when she said she was calling the OM. She disrespected you so you need to now stand up for yourself like a real man. You have to do this for you, not her.

File and do not talk to her directly anymore. Communicate through a third party and only about the D. Also let it be know that an R is off the table, for now and forever.

You do that and you`ll be slapping her in the face with reality.

Don't make excuses for her or try to sympathize with her. She rejected you and the marriage so now you reject her back.

Thats how I ended up getting my W back after playing the nice guy with 2 false Rs for a year but that's just me.
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Old 02-05-2012, 03:52 PM   #87 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ArmyofJuan View Post
This.
The goal is to go full steam D and don't deviate.

What she is doing now is not important. Your goal is no longer to break up the A but protect yourself. She just as well have slapped you in the face when she said she was calling the OM. She disrespected you so you need to now stand up for yourself like a real man. You have to do this for you, not her.

File and do not talk to her directly anymore. Communicate through a third party and only about the D. Also let it be know that an R is off the table, for now and forever.

You do that and you`ll be slapping her in the face with reality.

Don't make excuses for her or try to sympathize with her. She rejected you and the marriage so now you reject her back.

Thats how I ended up getting my W back after playing the nice guy with 2 false Rs for a year but that's just me.
Good advice , read it again and again.

Don't blink, don't waver , don't give in. This is the best way forward for yourself , your wife will come round or not . She is no longer your problem.
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Old 02-05-2012, 07:14 PM   #88 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

So she came over this morning to tell me that she is choosing me.. after some discussion of what she needs to do to come badk (nc, honesty, etc) she ends up admitting to me that she fvkd OM last weekend.... yep. Devistated. Focusing on myslef, but can't help the anger and discusting thoughts that keep coming into my head.... thank you all for your support
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Old 02-05-2012, 07:23 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Don't commit to anything right now. Let her know that it is now you who doesn't know if you want her in your life or not. This is not a petty tit for tat maneuver but a way for you to calm the overwhelming emotional ordeal that she has put you through with her betrayal. Believe me, you are going to need this because the emotional roller coaster will whip saw you no end.
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Old 02-05-2012, 07:40 PM   #90 (permalink)
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Default Re: She says she "lost herself"

Good luck and prayers
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