Long Term Affairs (LTA)
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-03-2012, 07:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Long Term Affairs (LTA)

Quote:
Originally Posted by lordmayhem View Post
3 years is a long time to have an affair, its classified as an Long Term Affair (LTA). That means for a third of the time you've been married, she's been having sex with this OM. The longer the affair, the harder it is for the WS to get over it.
LordMayhem's post above in another thread got me thinking:

What constitutes as a Long Term Affair, time-wise?

How long do you think an A has to be happening to be considered LTA?
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Old 02-03-2012, 07:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

I can't give you a definitive answer but in the example lordmayhem was referring to, the affair represented one third of the marriage in which the wife had been living a double life. So perhaps a good rule of thumb would be to look at the time frame of the affair in terms of percentages or fractions relative to the marriage.
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Old 02-03-2012, 07:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

Anything approaching a year or longer.
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Old 02-03-2012, 09:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

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Originally Posted by morituri View Post
I can't give you a definitive answer but in the example lordmayhem was referring to, the affair represented one third of the marriage in which the wife had been living a double life. So perhaps a good rule of thumb would be to look at the time frame of the affair in terms of percentages or fractions relative to the marriage.

even still someone in an affair 2 years in a 25 year marriage would still be a LTA in my book despite the ratio
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Old 02-03-2012, 11:21 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

I would think the 6 month mark would be a lta..by that time frame you would have produced feelings for the other..changed your entire double life to fit your affair..you would become more comfortable..to me any affair over a year would be a life term affair..your roots have been planted now & there is no turning back..
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Old 02-03-2012, 11:36 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

How long did it take for the couple to become an item in the first place? Before getting serious, moving in together, considering the wedding and babies, etc.

If WS time in affair approaches or exceeds the time it took to develop life relationship with their spouse, I'd say it's LTA.
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Old 02-03-2012, 11:52 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

Any time where the cheater falls in love with the om/ow
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Old 02-03-2012, 11:56 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

One thing that I can't understand is how the BS is willing to try reconcilation in the first place...

The WS lives a double life and is a wife/husband to AP and she is more devoted to the AP then to his/her BS...

I saw a lot of storys with LTA going on for 4 years,8 years,and we have here on TAM a member (I dont remember the name)whose WS cheated for 18-20 years...and after finding out the BS is trying to reconcile...I don't get what is the point to reconcile after such betrayal...

If a spouse cheats 1/3 or 1/2 of the marriage what is the point of reconcilation...Why would you atempt to save the marriage when you never had a marriage in the first place...
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Old 02-03-2012, 11:58 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

There's definitely a grey area there. I'm sure everyone would agree that a 20 year affair is long term and a 20 day one isn't. But to define an affair as long term if it's, say, 9 months? What about 6 weeks? I can think of scenarios where either of those WOULD be LTA, and where they wouldn't.
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Old 02-03-2012, 12:01 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

Personal. i say 12 month´s. Because the EA have most often started month/Month´s.So for me its reletionhip
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Old 02-03-2012, 12:11 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

[QUOTE=Bugz Bunny;576005]One thing that I can't understand is how the BS is willing to try reconcilation in the first place...

The WS lives a double life and is a wife/husband to AP and she is more devoted to the AP then to his/her BS...

I saw a lot of storys with LTA going on for 4 years,8 years,and we have here on TAM a member (I dont remember the name)whose WS cheated for 18-20 years...and after finding out the BS is trying to reconcile...I don't get what is the point to reconcile after such betrayal...

If a spouse cheats 1/3 or 1/2 of the marriage what is the point of reconcilation...Why would you atempt to save the marriage when you never had a marriage in the first place...

I think, happy reconcilation like that. Is very rear.
Most husband/Wife base there desicion on a extrem emotionl

level..Not as understandbly ,Be based with rational reason..
eventually the get to that point..Emotions is starting to be
easier to manage..A few of reason.
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Old 02-03-2012, 01:33 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

[QUOTE=Jonesey;576030]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bugz Bunny View Post
If a spouse cheats 1/3 or 1/2 of the marriage what is the point of reconcilation....


Especially if we're talking about the first four years or less of the marriage, it shows they really weren't into it from the start.
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Old 02-03-2012, 01:43 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

Just my opinion:

I would think in general 8-9 months would be a long term affair. The nature of the affair might make it longer or shorter. I think if someone is in a full on PA for 4-5 months, that would be long term. If it's more of a light EA - then a year.

In my wife's EA, she couldn't even pinpoint when it started. On May 4th I caught an email sent on April 23rd, only 2 weeks prior. But they were platonic friends for 20 years. I asked her how long she felt this way, and she said, "It was so gradual - maybe winter?" When I checked the phone records, they didn't speak even once between January and April 15th, so maybe in her head her feelings had been changing for awhile, but nothing was professed until just 2-3 weeks before I caught it. So it's really hard to say.

Bottom line is that it depends on the nature of the A. We know this girl (who we are no longer on speaking terms with) who has been in a 10 year affair. THAT's long term.
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Old 02-03-2012, 02:04 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

Having just been though it very recently there was a point at about the 6 month mark where you sort of say "This is ridiculous"
By 12 months you are seriously detaching.
In a 25 year marriage a year with kids it feels bad too. It is like the previous lifetime counts for nothing.
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Old 02-03-2012, 03:43 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Long Term Affairs (LTA)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel View Post
Just my opinion:

I would think in general 8-9 months would be a long term affair. The nature of the affair might make it longer or shorter. I think if someone is in a full on PA for 4-5 months, that would be long term. If it's more of a light EA - then a year.
I agree. One year for EA and about 4-5 months for PA!!!
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