husbands emotional affair, i cant seem to get over it - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-03-2012, 03:09 PM Thread Starter
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husbands emotional affair, i cant seem to get over it

in Feb 2010 my husband at my encouragement set a FB account. We have three daughters all of who have one including myself we wanted him to join us. I shortly found text messages from a old lover, before we met She was married way back when they were lovers.. I just found that out as well.. the text where more than friendly, with most of what I could read only being her replies. one night I found the text to him, saying she dreamed about him last night.. I flipped my wig.. confronted him at which time he said it was nothing they only exchanged messages, he never saw her in person but would stop it. I was very very hurt but thought it ended there.. for months I didnt belive anything he said, but being the stupid co dependant moron I am, I did get over it. after .his hernia surgery 4-10 we were having sex maybe 2times a month.. maybe for like 8 months. I just kept having that feeling maybe it was something more. Then fast forward to 10-11 he travels for work, and was going to miami, he suddenly was being secretive about his itinary I was on full alert.. I had a terrible feeling about the trip, I mean I was sick over it.. in my heart he had already commited the crime, only I didnt know with whom..I did find records of the EA that continued until the day before our anniversary eight months after I thought it had ended. She was telling him how to hide messages and he was asking if she had deleted pictures from FB! He says it was nothing to worry about and cant understand why Im hurt after all he says he never had sex with her, but they were talking about me! she was telling him about her vibrator and lack of sex with her H?!! I want to get over it, but the pain is so great.. anyone else go through this?? Thanks and sorry to ramble such this is my first day and first post ever on this site
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-03-2012, 03:29 PM
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Re: husbands emotional affair, i cant seem to get over it

Print off some literature on emotional affairs, and show it to your husband. Many people think that since there is no sex, that it's not an affair. And that would be inaccurate.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 06:28 AM
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Re: husbands emotional affair, i cant seem to get over it

If you want the full detail of his fb account under the account settings their is a section where it has his name and password info..well if you scroll to the bottom it will say '''download account'' on that..but in order to get all the emails and pix with all his info it will be sent to the email on file with can add your email account and make sure you make it the primary email account..after clicking download will be sent to your email within 12 will have everything..i mean everything...thats how i caught my hubby last year as well ...good luck..
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 10:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: husbands emotional affair, i cant seem to get over it

I agree, it has been exhausting trying to declare him guilty or mosty innocent, but I have 20 years of my 42 invested in this person I have only recently realized how co pendant I am and I'm working on it! He has serious erectile issues, and really really low drive so I doubt it was physical I believe that but the emotional pain of the betrayal and his lack of empathy even when telling him I no longer trust him, I can't help but wonder if that is only giving him a ego boost? He has been more attentive,especially making effort to have sex twice a month he is 50. He says he was only talking to her that's all and that was on phone or text... But she obviously still has feeling for him so I do t feel I can let my guard down and get over it..
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 11:02 AM
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Re: husbands emotional affair, i cant seem to get over it

Your H has shown no interest in helping you regain trust in him. At the risk of being accused of being divorce happy, I just don't see how your marriage can survive without trust.

"Sex is the consolation for those who no longer have love" Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 05:58 PM
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Re: husbands emotional affair, i cant seem to get over it

I have gone through this - I'm 41 and we just had our 21st anniversary in August. I printed out tons of information on emotional affairs and he's just refused to see it as an affair. There was no sex talk, just a deep friendship. The thing is, he keeps going back and not being truthful with me.

Have you read the 180 list they recommend on here?
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