02-03-2012, 02:56 PM
Join Date: Feb 2012
| | New here and ready to separate.
I've lurked here on and off for the last two months and thought I'd finally get my feet wet..so to speak.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years (married for almost 2) and we're on the brink of separation/divorce. In 2003 he confessed to me that he had cheated on me after a friend convinced him that it would be better for him to come clean. I was really young at the time (early 20's) and thought I loved him, so I forgave him. Looking back I don't know why I stayed. He apologized for his actions - but he never wanted to talk about it ever again. And any hint of me being upset he'd get equally upset and blame me for what happened. And for a long time I believed I was at fault too (although his reasoning was that I didn't "look" the same anymore because I gained between 5-10lbs).
Fast forward to now - in the last few years I've known that he's had flirtations with other women and emotional affairs. I can't believe I have had my head stuck in a sand for so long. I knew it was all happening and would just..let it go. There have been times where we've broken up or almost broken up about these EA's...but..somehow I always forgave him and he always told me he was sorry and he would change.
He never changed.
I feel like such a complete idiot for putting up with his behavior for so long. There have been so many times that I should have kicked him to the curb but didn't because I thought I loved him and he loved me.
Last night things really became heated I really finally realized that he will never see his actions as cheating (aside from his first confession) and he will never take ownership of his actions. I can either accept this and stay in a relationship with him and his deceitful ways - or move on with my life.
The funny thing is, tomorrow is our first meeting with a relationship therapist/psychologist. I don't want to go with him and I just want to talk to the psychologist alone.
OH and another fabulous thing is we never had a honeymoon, and last week I just paid for our airfare and accommodation to Hawaii. But...I'm ok going by myself.
I just don't really know what to do now. I've seen my brother go through a separation and divorce..but..I really don't know what to do. We own a home together, we have joint finances, we have a dog together....
And part of me still wants to stay...is that crazy?
Last edited by Kay07; 02-03-2012 at 03:12 PM.