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post #31 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 08:40 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

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I guess I'm afraid that going scorched earth on her will only further damage our relationship. She has depression issues, and I think this will also cause her to have more serious problems.
Dude, she's already scorching your earth and if you don't stand up for yourself you'll be the one with serious depression issues.

Grab hold of your b@lls and be a man.

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post #32 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 08:40 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

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Yeah, the wiggle word "basically" really set off all my mental warnings. It meant to me that "the next thing you hear isn't entirely true".

It's like she's trying to be honest, but within limits.
Basically your kids are going to get a new daddy in their new blended family unless you get yourself in gear. You've been dealing with this by talking yourself into some absurd sh!t.

Read here:http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-cl...reference.html
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post #33 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 08:40 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

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I guess I'm afraid that going scorched earth on her will only further damage our relationship. She has depression issues, and I think this will also cause her to have more serious problems.
She's already gone scorched earth on you. What she did is like Pearl Harbor. The question is: How are you gonna respond? She's already betrayed you and pulled off a surprise attack in cold blood. The marriage is as good as dead, but you haven't realized it yet.

If you're gonna save this marriage at all, you must - I repeat MUST - offer her one chance to cut off all contact. If she refuses, kick her out. Also if she refuses, immediately tell all your extended family - including her side - what she has done that made you kick her out.

She must be convinced in a way beyond words of the seriousness of what she's done.

Anything less from her is an admission that she has no love left for you and that you had better move on and divorce her. There is no other choice.
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post #34 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 08:49 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

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I guess I'm hesitant to talk about tracking, keyloggers, cell phone records, as that borders on illegal. And what is a VAR?
.
Check the laws in your state for these things. Then you will know what is and is not legal.

VAR = voice activated recorder.


If you wife uses a cell phone you can check the incoming/outgoing calls. see how long she talks to him and how many texts she gets/sends with him.
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post #35 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 08:54 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

Do you think it is illegal to leave a VAR in your own house/car? Do you think it is illegal to put a keylogger on your own computer? I've never heard of it. Do you realize what high stakes you are playing foe here? How illegal is it to check your phone records? When you tell his wife you will need proof. The only reason he hasn't left his wife is she is plan B and he hasn't talked your wife into breaking up her family.................yet. Of course he may be lying (imagine that) about his wife just to stay in your wifes pants.
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post #36 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 09:04 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

Sorry got to say it.

What is the matter with you! You may not have agreed to an open marriage but you have a unilateral one. Make it bilateral. Even if you are not able to carry it through. Go out to places where tgeir are women and chat them up. Stay out till 3Am in the morning. Get some women perfume and put a small amout in your shirt.

Does your friend have a wife or gf. Seduce her. If not wait him out he will eventually move on from your wife. Who ever he has next seduce her.

Stop wallowing in self pity and grab you b@lls out of you pocket, slap those badboys back on and get ta steppin'

I have to warn you that i am a vindictive b!tch when crossed so procede at your own risk. Not the b@lls sugession you gotta' do that.
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post #37 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 09:15 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

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Originally Posted by chapparal View Post
Do you think it is illegal to leave a VAR in your own house/car? Do you think it is illegal to put a keylogger on your own computer? I've never heard of it. Do you realize what high stakes you are playing foe here? How illegal is it to check your phone records? When you tell his wife you will need proof. The only reason he hasn't left his wife is she is plan B and he hasn't talked your wife into breaking up her family.................yet. Of course he may be lying (imagine that) about his wife just to stay in your wifes pants.
In some states it's illegal to record a conversation when none of the parties of that conversation know they are being recorded. In some states it's ok to record if only one person knows they are being recorded. In other states every person being recorded has to know that they are being recorded for it to be legal.

There are legal issues relatated to using a keylogger. It's best to know what they are before using one.

It's best to know the laws before starting to snoop.
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post #38 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 09:15 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

Why you are still with her is shocking me the most. Why the heck would you be with a woman who cheats on you with your "best friend" and doesnt even care that she did it. Heres a hint for the future - When your girl wants an "Open" relationship, That means she wants to screw as many guys as she can without there being consequences to her actions. In other words, She is a *****.

Stop wasting your time on her because if she has been like this for years then she wont change. Now go find a pair of balls and start being a man. First thing I would do if I were you - Go out and find a woman to screw then come home and tell your loving wife all the juicy details. Lets see how she takes it when its the other way around.
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post #39 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 09:16 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

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Originally Posted by legodog View Post
And as to why I'm going all beta here, is I've been no prince to her. There's another whole side to this where I've been alpha dog on her for a long time regarding finances, and that's finally come to a head. I'm fully working on rectifying those issues, but keep getting stuck back with this issue in my head 90% of the time.

It's like she wants me to fix my issues, but she's unwilling to address the issues I have with her.

Oh, the novel I could write about all this...
Legodog, the reason you're "going all beta here" is because you're a beta male, well on your way to an omega male (they never ever get laid).

You've been "alpha dog on her for a long time regarding finances?" Wow. I guess she never paid for a hotel room. Does that make you feel good? Really? Yeah, that's because you're not being alpha.

Your wife is dictating your reality. "Did we really talk about an open marriage? And I said she could **** other men? OMG! Did I really say that? I don't remember.... I can't be sure. Gosh I feel bad about my wife doing the splits on my best friend. I wish he wouldn't be so in-your-face with me about banging my wife."

On the off chance that you're NOT a troll, and that you MIGHT take some advice and do the right things, here is what you SHOULD do.

1) Forget about keylogger programs, or GPS locators, or Voice Activate Recorders (VARs). You already know your wife is cheating on you. Don't waste your time gathering more proof. You have all the proof you need.

2) Find a good lawyer. File for divorce. Have your wife served without letting her know its coming. Serving her publicly at her workplace is best.

3) In the mean time, tell your best friend's wife what's going on. And by the way- this guy isn't your friend. Stop being friends with him. Treat him like he's a poisonous snake, who will bite you and fill you with toxin if you get too close to him.

4) Let your wife's parents and siblings know that she is having sex with other men.

5) Do the 180. Start it as soon as you have read it. Re-read it every day.

6) On a side note, you probably don't know this, but your wife doesn't love you. She doesn't respect you even a little bit, and she doesn't even like you! If she loved, liked, or respected you, she wouldn't have gone and put another man's penis in her again and again.

7) As other people have pointed out, you don't have an open marriage, you have a marriage where your wife is cheating on you. An open marriage is where both spouses are stupid and screwed up, and they agree that each of them sleeping with other people will make them less stupid and screwed up. In 99% of cases, they are wrong, and having an open marriage leaves them divorced, stupider, and even more screwed up.
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post #40 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 10:32 PM
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I guess I'm afraid that going scorched earth on her will only further damage our relationship. She has depression issues, and I think this will also cause her to have more serious problems.
Your relationship is as low as it can go. Your wife is in an affair tat she openly refuses to end. Since you have not divorced her you are a cuckold.

Do you really think it could get worse than your wife having you best friend as her lover and excluding you?
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post #41 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 10:36 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

These Beta-Cucks get burned every time!
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post #42 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 11:30 PM
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Your relationship is as low as it can go. Your wife is in an affair tat she openly refuses to end. Since you have not divorced her you are a cuckold.

Do you really think it could get worse than your wife having you best friend as her lover and excluding you?
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Absolutely spot on. Tell this Guy's wife today about the affair without warning him or your wife beforehand and tell her you are done. This is one of the worst stories I've ever read here.
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post #43 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 11:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: open marriage failure

Well, first, I don't think they are having sex anymore. I think that it still qualifies as an affair.

We did talk about an open marriage, but I don't think we ever talked about something like this. Sex is one thing, but an open romantic affair was never part of the game plan. Neither was sneaking around.

I've cut off my relationship with him entirely. The last time I saw him, he tried shaking my hand, and glared at him and looked at his hand like it was a dead fish.

I'm more than a little disappointed in the name-calling...
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post #44 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 11:43 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

The name calling is meant to shock the spouses in denial. Not actual malice
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post #45 of 85 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 11:43 PM
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Re: open marriage failure

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Well, first, I don't think they are having sex anymore. I think that it still qualifies as an affair.

We did talk about an open marriage, but I don't think we ever talked about something like this. Sex is one thing, but an open romantic affair was never part of the game plan. Neither was sneaking around.

I've cut off my relationship with him entirely. The last time I saw him, he tried shaking my hand, and glared at him and looked at his hand like it was a dead fish.

I'm more than a little disappointed in the name-calling...
Posters are trying to wake you up. You seem to be self deluded. Its not personal, they are trying to get you to FIGHT for your family and yourself. What do you think your wife and best friend are calling you and saying about you when they are together?
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