My wife cheated multiple times but admitted it and is sorry

Dexter Morgan · 02-23-2012, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thorburn

Nilo, when I was in Iraq I had a soldier who came in for counseling. Man, he is just like you. Married and the first kid is not his, his wife cheated on him. Then he found out she is pregnant again and he is deployed with a combat unit. She informed him that she cheated again with another man and is pregnant. He said he loves his wife.

His wife walked all over him and up till I left our unit in July 2011 she was still walking all over him. I remember asking him around March 2011 how things were going with him and how he is dealing with two kids that aren't his. He says I am still in love.

Takes all kinds

Man, its too bad that if a spouse of one of our military men/women cheats, that there isn't a law that states the soldier can get a divorce and the cheating spouse leaves the marriage with ONLY what they brought to it.

Someone deployed shouldn't have to be thousands of miles away risking their life, dealing with some scumbag at home screwing around.

nilokonyako · 02-23-2012, 01:30 PM

So I should avoid having sex with her now? And the days to come before we move out?

Also, is there use in knowing the facts of her affairs at this stage? Should I still talk about what's the truth?

hookares · 02-23-2012, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dexter Morgan

Man, its too bad that if a spouse of one of our military men/women cheats, that there isn't a law that states the soldier can get a divorce and the cheating spouse leaves the marriage with ONLY what they brought to it.

Someone deployed shouldn't have to be thousands of miles away risking their life, dealing with some scumbag at home screwing around.

Doesn't work that way. The idiots who have been feeding off the taxpayer and making all the rules will assume that there was some way that it was the guy's fault that she squirted out two other guy's kids and the only way he will ever get out of paying is if he comes back in a body bag.

Dexter Morgan · 02-23-2012, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nilokonyako

So I should avoid having sex with her now? And the days to come before we move out?

Avoid having sex with her?? How about avoid her for the rest of her life?

Quote:

Also, is there use in knowing the facts of her affairs at this stage? Should I still talk about what's the truth?

The only FACT you need to know is that the affairs DID happen. Details are irrelevant.

Initfortheduration · 02-23-2012, 04:53 PM

No need for more details. She's ruined, and no you shouldn't have sex with her. Her boundaries are virtually non existent, and her idea is for you to remove any boundaries in your life. Her idea is that you defile yourself in equal numbers to her. Ooops, I guess you will have to know the details of how many so you can be exact in how many skanks you lay (of course I am being fecitious). You do understand what she is suggesting right? Then of course you have to find out if she had any threeways with girls. Which then of course would require you to have sex with a guy(s). You have one "sick in the head" wife. You need to get away from this woman. You need to keep the kids away from this woman and the men she will fill their lives with. And my last question. Just how could you be friends with someone like this when they are about to put your children through hell?

Enginerd · 02-23-2012, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nilokonyako

I just wanted to see what happened from a cheater's POV. Nvm.

Now here's the scenario.

My wife has since admitted many things. Now as much as it pains me, and that I still have feelings for her, I have to end our marriage.

The problem is this: I talked to her parents about us having to separate and that their daughter will be living with them again. They are also just renting apartment and living through pension and don't have much. And because my in-laws have been nice to me during our marriage, I don't want them and my wife to be scandalized if I just kick her out of the house (we live in close proximity with them). My in-laws requested that I give them until 1st week of april so they could find a new and bigger place (and the money) to rent for them and my wife. My wife is also now for training next week for she is now going to work. So now, I had to stay in the house for less than 2 months with her. We have to put on a show so that nobody in the neigborhood would notice what's happening so that when we move out, we won't be the talk of the town.

Although we don't fight as much, it still hurt like hell when I feel like she's not being honest with me. I know I should not expect anything from her now that we'd be separating anyway, I still feel that way. I tried the 180 but somehow, what I really feel still come out. She still does what's she's supposed to do as the mother of my kids and as wife. She still prepares my clothes, my meal for work, etc. We have the greatest sex since we were bf/gf without fail everyday. But It still feels depressing because I know that this is the end.

What do you guys think of our set-up? What better else could I have done?

A serial cheater like your wife will never change as long as she is attractive. She has no morals. She's broken and you can't fix her. She allows anyone around to enter her body with no regard for the consequences. How many times did you have sex with her right after she slept with someone else? She is a liar, a cheat and a user. Take care of your kids and kick her to the curb ASAP. What on earth do you love about her? I understand that you may be attracted to her sexually but love??? If you are a real person and this is a real problem you must be suffering from a total lack of self esteem and need to get some IC.

CH · 02-23-2012, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nilokonyako

So I should avoid having sex with her now? And the days to come before we move out?

Also, is there use in knowing the facts of her affairs at this stage? Should I still talk about what's the truth?

No sex and if it's already headed for divorce, no need to even engage her anymore about what the truth is or not. Not your concern anymore at this point.

Trojan John · 02-24-2012, 01:23 AM

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AE86freak · 02-24-2012, 08:35 AM

Has your wife told you what she was thinking during the time when she was doing the most cheating (other than the BS that you wasn't spending enough time with her and she got bored)?

nilokonyako · 02-27-2012, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enginerd

What on earth do you love about her? I understand that you may be attracted to her sexually but love??? If you are a real person and this is a real problem you must be suffering from a total lack of self esteem and need to get some IC.

I really don't know the answer to that. I just do.

What's breaking me apart now is my eldest's plea for us to be together again. She doesn't know why suddenly me and mom are just friends only and asks me why we cant be husband and wife anymore. You know what guys, for my kid, I'm willing to swallow my pride and stay together.

But I can't. I picture the future that even though my wife eventually tries to change, I'd still be haunted by the thoughts of those things I learned which will result in more fighting.

I just came to the realization that my wife is indeed damaged. From her childhood experiences and her past realtionships. She doesn't even know the gravity of the things she did. She only know that she hurted my feelings and is sorry. She's just like a kid.

This brings me to thinking what will happen to her if I just let her go. I cant help but be still be concerned. Is that wrong?

hisfac · 02-27-2012, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nilokonyako

What's breaking me apart now is my eldest's plea for us to be together again. She doesn't know why suddenly me and mom are just friends only and asks me why we cant be husband and wife anymore. You know what guys, for my kid, I'm willing to swallow my pride and stay together.

Considering what you've put up with so far, I'm going to say that your eldest daughter's plea is just another excuse for you to put off the inevitable. Nothing more.

Newsflash: Children always want their parents to stay together, they're concerned for their own needs and have their own insecurities and worry their lives will be ruined if mom and dad divorce. They're not concerned about the damage being done to you by your perpetually cheating spouse who doesn't care about you at all.

Your children will be fine post divorce if you handle things in a civil and mature manner and keep the kids out of it as much as possible.

Enough with this "I was just about to divorce her but now my eldest doesn't want me to do that", it's just BS and you know it.

Get it done.

CH · 02-27-2012, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nilokonyako

This brings me to thinking what will happen to her if I just let her go. I cant help but be still be concerned. Is that wrong?

Not your problem anymore. She's the mother of your child and that's about it. She used to be your wife and I use that term loosely.

Hopefully she'll get her act together and live a good and happy life. But if she ends up in the gutter and you have to walk right by her without even looking at her then so be it. It might be sad and you might wonder how, but not your problem. You have you and your kids to worry about now.

Or you can bite the bullet and live a life of her cheating on you and you forgiving her each time just for the kids.

Kallan Pavithran · 02-28-2012, 02:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nilokonyako

I really don't know the answer to that. I just do.

What's breaking me apart now is my eldest's plea for us to be together again. Try to find out more convincing reason for not divorcing her. She doesn't know why suddenly me and mom are just friends only and asks me why we cant be husband and wife anymore. You know what guys, for my kid, I'm willing to swallow my pride and stay together. You ultimately will do this, and live with your wife with pain and heartache for rest of the life.

But I can't. I picture the future that even though my wife eventually tries to change, Yes she is trying to change because she realizes that she is going to loos her meal ticket and security of her family to fu*k around I'd still be haunted by the thoughts of those things I learned which will result in more fighting.

I just came to the realization that my wife is indeed damaged. From her childhood experiences and her past realtionships. She doesn't even know the gravity of the things she did. She only know that she hurted my feelings and is sorry. She's just like a kid.
but this kid know how to stray on the back of her husband and put his health and life at risk.
This brings me to thinking what will happen to her if I just let her go. Its not your concern she should have thought about it earlier when shedecided to stray. I cant help but be still be concerned. Is that wrong?

Stop finding excuses for Not divorcing her.
If you want her, if you dont mind what she did to you then go and ask an apology to her for hurting her by your question and not trusting her, live peacefully with her hoping she wont stray.

Humble Pie · 02-28-2012, 04:30 AM

Nilo-- what do you want, and what are you willing to take?

If you can accept your wife for who she is, want to keep the family intact w/ kids, and willing to take her actions from her infidelity in past and possible future, begin the R process now. If you feel like you can't forgive, understand, and accept your wife for who she is (as hard as it might be) you must let go and begin the mental seperation process now.

That is the only question, problem is that question takes time to process.

nilokonyako · 02-28-2012, 07:07 AM

Yes. It's been just 3 weeks since Dday and my emotions are so unstable. I am hurting then hating then I want to save the relationship then I want to separate then I miss her then I hate her again.

If only I could make all this go in an instant.