My wife cheated multiple times but admitted it and is sorry

nilokonyako · 02-28-2012, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hisfac

Considering what you've put up with so far, I'm going to say that your eldest daughter's plea is just another excuse for you to put off the inevitable. Nothing more.

Newsflash: Children always want their parents to stay together, they're concerned for their own needs and have their own insecurities and worry their lives will be ruined if mom and dad divorce. They're not concerned about the damage being done to you by your perpetually cheating spouse who doesn't care about you at all.

Your children will be fine post divorce if you handle things in a civil and mature manner and keep the kids out of it as much as possible.

Enough with this "I was just about to divorce her but now my eldest doesn't want me to do that", it's just BS and you know it.

Get it done.

She's only 6.

nilokonyako · 02-28-2012, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Humble Pie

Nilo-- what do you want, and what are you willing to take?

If you can accept your wife for who she is, want to keep the family intact w/ kids, and willing to take her actions from her infidelity in past and possible future, begin the R process now. If you feel like you can't forgive, understand, and accept your wife for who she is (as hard as it might be) you must let go and begin the mental seperation process now.

That is the only question, problem is that question takes time to process.

So correct. Thanks.

hisfac · 02-28-2012, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nilokonyako

She's only 6.

A 6 year old doesn't know what's best for her, only that she wants everything to be ok and for mommy and daddy to always be together so she can feel safe and secure.

It doesn't compute that mommy totally f@#$ed daddy over and that daddy cannot live like this indefinitely and that life is different but not necessarily worse after divorce.

Romeo_Holden · 02-29-2012, 10:54 AM

She has issues beyond your control. Leaving is the best thing to do because she isn't going to stop unless she is made to deal with the consequences of her actions, also staying with her would mean dealing with the mental images of her escapedes forever while surviving day to day it would only lead to an early death for you and it wouldn't be fair to you,your wife or your child. You have to do what's right in spite of your fear. Eventually you will be okay and glad you did it.

nilokonyako · 02-29-2012, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romeo_Holden

She has issues beyond your control. Leaving is the best thing to do because she isn't going to stop unless she is made to deal with the consequences of her actions, also staying with her would mean dealing with the mental images of her escapedes forever while surviving day to day it would only lead to an early death for you and it wouldn't be fair to you,your wife or your child. You have to do what's right in spite of your fear. Eventually you will be okay and glad you did it.

Thank you very much.

I think I'm having trouble accepting the fact that the almost 7 years of our marriage is going down the drain. That the plans I have for the family now will all be trashed. And this love I'm feeling for her now will not be returned. I am so devastated. I have never experienced such pain. It's so hard letting go.

Although she did those things, I don't want any harm to come to her. I want to hear that she's settled with someone who REALLY loves her and not just go with random dudes who pretend to care then treat her like a fvcktoy. She was the love of my life once anyway. I know she's got issues and I think she needs help very much and the thought of leaving her like in this state feels wrong.

Entropy3000 · 02-29-2012, 07:00 PM

What is worse than letting seven years go?

Living in this for another year and then letting eight years go.

nilokonyako · 03-02-2012, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the guy

I think it says alot, it was a big risk she took in owning up. I suggest you keep an eye on her and if her action and change in life style dictated that she is willing to learn healthier behaviors and understanding what she did and how to prevent it then there is a faith that one can have that infidelity can be overcome.

Trust through validation is the path you can take to work this out, but some may argue that becoming a mamber of the cheater police is not worth it.

It sound like you now know exactly what you are going to forgive her for with her confession so thats a start. The big trick is forgiving her and that she gets the help that will prevent her from doing this unhealthy behavior again.

they guy, I've read your other threads and OMG i think i screwed-up all this time. I TOO HAVE TREATED MY WIFE ONLY AS A BOOTY CALL AND SHE MAY HAVE ACTED ACCORDINGLY.

She was very submissive on the first year of our marriage. She easily gets jealous when other women talk to me or I do the same. I didn't listen to her when she talks. God, i think i pushed her to do those things. She easily gives in to my requests (even when we were just courting) and asks me after if this is only (sex) what I want from her to which I reply no when I was partly lying. And I get cold to her when she doesn't.

Up to now, after I learned what she did and want to separate, I still fvck her without fail. Was that all I wanted from her? She may have felt that way all this years. I really have disrespected her by doing that. I never treated her as a person, as a wife. I only get nice when I want action. I go to work, fvck her in the evening without asking how's her day, then sleep.

I've never seen the situation from this angle. All I've seen is what she did and never what I did.

The guy, it's been almost a month since DDay and your threads had somehow shown me things I NEVER saw before. I'm still seeing new things about our relationship as days go by and that's good.

But I don't know what I'd do now.

morituri · 03-02-2012, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nilokonyako

Although she did those things, I don't want any harm to come to her. I want to hear that she's settled with someone who REALLY loves her and not just go with random dudes who pretend to care then treat her like a fvcktoy. She was the love of my life once anyway. I know she's got issues and I think she needs help very much and the thought of leaving her like in this state feels wrong.

That is going to be near impossible unless she seeks help from a professional therapist to conquer her self-destructive tendencies that have lead her to destroy her marriage and family.

nilokonyako · 03-06-2012, 03:33 PM

I wonder where you guys get your strength overcoming your feelings. When I'm at our house, I try and pretend that It's over and I've no more feelings for her, then all of a sudden, BAM, I'm needing again. Which brings us back to square one.

allthegoodnamesaregone · 03-06-2012, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nilokonyako

Thank you very much.

I think I'm having trouble accepting the fact that the almost 7 years of our marriage is going down the drain. That the plans I have for the family now will all be trashed. And this love I'm feeling for her now will not be returned. I am so devastated. I have never experienced such pain. It's so hard letting go.

Although she did those things, I don't want any harm to come to her. I want to hear that she's settled with someone who REALLY loves her and not just go with random dudes who pretend to care then treat her like a fvcktoy. She was the love of my life once anyway. I know she's got issues and I think she needs help very much and the thought of leaving her like in this state feels wrong.

Be grateful it's only 7 years, many of us here had 20-30 years in before this happened to us...

Stryker · 03-06-2012, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lone Star

I read your story but I saw no real remorse from your wife. She laid all this on you and then acts like she can stop all of it anytime she wants. What a crock of crap! I know that you love her but she is not good for you. She clearly has a problem. She has disrespected you and your children. You need to break contact with her for now, get yourself tested for STD's and DNA on your children. I know that having DNA test on children probably breaks your heart but if you don't do it you will always wonder, no matter how much you love them. I'm really sorry you are going through this but you need to be free of your wife for now to absorb all that has happened.

---Ditto